[Solved] at a loss cant cope
serious question I'm at such a big loss. I've got a partner been together 7 years got a older child previous relationship shes 8.
this is the basic of the story got together with my partner my ex caused shit constantly wouldnt ever end my partner bounded with my daughter but the ex just constantly stirred shit and my daughter obviously being a kid didnt help went back got questioned and ex kicked off about random stupid shit. ect my ex got with a new partner who was on the sex offenders I didnt get told and he kicked off constantly to the point my partner did handovers as it wasnt as full on. ex still kicked off ect ect then started reporting us got my daughter taken off me for a month while an investigation happend apanrly she didnt have a bed got dropped got her back not easy but did. carried on untill my partner got pregnant my daughter was 4 at this point not sure if I mentioned I had joint 50 50 half week but didnt get half of any money CB stand next and had a 1 bed flat also in this time my daughter always came grubby and something wrong ringworm infections bad hygiene stuff. but anyway my partner got pregnant we moved carried on obviously ex still kicked off constantly wouldnt leave us be we had our baby then she had a heel prick text at the hospital the doctor used to much force and hurt her we didnt notice till the day after we took her back they scanned and noticed she had fracture on the heel that opened a massive investigation to the point we lost her to a foster carer and went through court I also lost my eldest 4 yo moving on had contact 1 hour a day for 9 months while we went thro court and got arrested all part of the procedure I was told we got legal aid and fought it ended up bringing the hospital into court and cross examined. in this time I had contact with my oldest and it was hell hour a week contact centre and she would say random shit that was bad and was being told to stir stuff basically. mum got told all about the case then the day after reported us saying she said this and that which she wasnt meant to no but they gave my 4yo a interview in a police station anyway contact got stopped midway thro the court case with my 4yo due to social refusing to do it anymore and I kept trying to see her but ex said no and was also trying to no all about are case. anyway back to court we had our day I stood up partner stood up told truth hospital stood up and got ripped apart got found out to be lying covering each others tracks and we got her back nof further action and an apology worst time of my life I was on antidepressants at this time got used against me I came off when we got her back of fear of everyone coming for us again. got her back I tried to get my oldest for 1 year socialotor letters ect but ex had none of it wouldnt let me changed her number ect I had given up 6 months later she replied to a letter and we did mediation in mediation I found out my daughter was basically messed up from not seeing me ect and confused school noticed and shed dumped her bf and had a kid with him and now stopping him. I asked for every other weekend and some days in holidays eventually went to court and got it I got her back when she was 6. now on to the present got her back still get shit from ex my daughter comes grubby all the time and just generally it's hard because I cant do shit i hate my ex wish she would disappear but yeah every other weekend ect. my partner at th4 start was ok but over the years till now it's broken her again and now where having a baby due xmas. my daughter comes with infections grubby unhygienic ahelets foot the lot it breaks me I love her to bits but my partner has had enough since shes been pregnant more and more shes getting distant she says we only ever argue over her and shes terrified they will take our daughter again due to my child going back and saying loads of stuff and my ex being horrible. I completely agree we are both broken from before but it's so fucking hard when it's my child. it's gotten to the point that anything my daughter does my partner hates she hasnt been close to her for a very long time and with all the stuff that's happend it is very hard. but she basically wants it sepeate I see my daughter sometimes she comes here but we have our own life she keeps saying she wants to protect our children from my ex and my daughter brings them all in. I have no family atall my ex is best friends with the lot has xmas dinners all together e tc. my partner also has noone I am at a massive loss I can see why shed want it apart honestly I can if this was reversed and I had no bound and alot of resentment I'd oroberly feel the same but I just dont no what to do I feel completely broken I love them all. it's a long story because without the full story it wouldnt paint a bigger picture
hi there lostinblanc,
how is your situation now??
our babys due in 4 days my daughter sees me every other sunday but just sees me at the mo my partner goes out and we had a referral due to past court case so mash got involved but our solicitor cleared it up so got closed. but we found out in the last 2 years my ex reported me the week I started seeing my eldest again and our nursery made a referral but never told us lol so yeah but lucky mash has gone now but my partner said about my eldest meeting baby at xmas ect but hopefully stays the same
lol. my ex reported me to mash for some nonsense. mash just sent me a letter. they did not even bother go into detail about ex complaint. they just put no further action 🙂
sorry about late reply we had our baby shes 3 weeks old now my daughter hasnt met her yet. mainly due to it's been manic ect shes due to meet her in 2 weeks next time I see her. thing is things at home are amazing everything's good me an my partner are getting along ect my ex obviously been kicking off demanding my daughter meets my child and she arranges it she can fuck off shes so controlling I hate it. but I keep feeling guilty I normally get my daughter every other saturday till sunday but I reduced it to just Sunday. me and my partner were to the point of breaking up home life was shit and when my daughter visited it was beyond awkward now its alot better and my child doesnt mind I asked her and shes fine but I keep feeling guilty about it all. were still doing sleepover on holidays ect and shes generally not fussed but I cant shake it off. her coming Saturday till Sunday litrally made things so hard my ex constantly kicked of which made us argue and my partner kept saying it feels like we dont have our own life.. my plan is keep the bound with my child till shes older eg secondary school then I can be more involved pick her up drop her back without her mum knowing and my child wants me to. but should I keep feeling guilty?
if i was in your position, i would not be happy with seeing my kids 2 sundays a month. am going back to court as every other weekend is not enough and the kids are asking for more time. but i understand your situation is volatile. but stills its selfish of your partner to make you see less of your child. you state that your ex constantly kicks off. do you take phone calls? better to leave it to whatsapp messages.
it's a extremely tricky situation because of all the stuff that happend in the past with my ex and our daughter being taken with ss my partner Is always on edge because she doesnt want to risk it.
my daughter when I ask if shes ok with seeing me so little says she doesnt mind and its fine ect but I feel guilty. weve just had a newborm and got a 4 yo and it feels like if all the kickoff and the tension carrys on with my eldest visiting me and my partner we would of just broken up all this is from the past my ex is a nasty nutcase purposely goes out of her way to get involved it doesnt feel like you get my daughter feels like my ex is here to everything is so planned cant ring up unless a sunday between times ect so I'm in a tricky situation do I keep the peace with everyone by seeing her 2 sundays a month and overnight on holidays or do I argue with partner because I want more which in turns out 2 children at home get effected.
best thing is my other child is 8 and shes fully aware how bad it is with the mother because shes seem it and because my ex dumps her on everyone shes quite a tough child
it's just so tricky I want a easy simple life after fighting social and court and almost loosing our daughter we litrally shit ourselves with everything and my ex is a risk who went against us then she made my eldest do a abe interview and say shit against me which almost made my daughter get adopted so my partner is beyond defensive