[Solved] Family tracking app.. and stuff.
Hey guys, I am mainly asking for a bit of perspective and advice really.
My kids (9y daughter, 13y son) live with me and visit their mother (and her partner).
My daughter has recently told me that her mother's partner has put one of those family tracking apps on all of their phones (Life360) and she doesn't like it. I don't know where I stand with this? Am I within my rights to delete it or disable it?
With most people I would think 'Oh, isn't it nice how they care so much', but I don't with him.
I started off on very friendly terms with him, but he has since shown what a total control freak he actually is.
He has been interviewed by police for 'pushing' my son down the stairs a couple of years ago (reported to the police by the school, not me as I didn't know at the time), he takes money from my ex's wallet and controls all the money, he's taken my sons birthday and Christmas money that he was saving up (£100) and isn't returning it. He controls meal times to such an extent that my daughter quite often ends up in tears by the end because she has been 'eating too slow' or 'too fast' and/or not eating it all. I told their mother that my son wanted to join the scouts, so her partner joined (within about a week!) as a scout leader and now my son, understandably, doesn't want to go anymore. It goes on and on...
So no, I don't believe it is because he cares so much about them that he has installed a tracker.
I want to keep things civil between both parties for the sake of the kids, but I am beginning to lose perspective and energy, it's like I am constantly fighting a silent battle of damage control.
My daughter has had a couple of total meltdowns recently because she wants, so desperately, to help and fix people and her mother is so unhappy (she told me that her mother 'wants to kill herself' etc) and I really don't know what to do, she is too young to be dealing with so much anxiety and stress.
Sorry for the essay and thanks.
I think you’re within your rights to delete it, he didn’t discuss it with you and decided to put it on unilaterally, that’s not really on, more so as the children live with you.
He doesn’t sound like a very nice man, who would spend a child’s savings, that’s pretty low.
I get what you’re saying though, about trying to keep things civil, is there any way you could talk to your ex away from her partner?
It might be a good idea to talk to the school about your daughters feelings and the fact that her mother is sharing adult themes with her about suicide, which is distressing your daughter.
Your daughter sounds such a caring little girl, it might help her if you got her involved in something community based, maybe visits to an old people’s home to cheer up the residents, the school might be able to help with other suggestions... that way she may feel that she is helping to fix people, it might make her feel better.
All the best
hi dull chimp (lol)
who got your kids the phones? if it was yor ex, then they will surely be control freaks about it. i read on other forums, that a dad bought a phone for his kid, and lets him use it when he is staying with him. in my case, cafcass recommended weekly phone contact. immediately my ex said that i will have to buy a phone and give it to her, if i want phone contact. yeh right. got my barrister to basically tell them to sod off. and phone issue got cut out of our agreements totally. i bet if you deleted the app, you would see that app on there again in a few days time, and they may terrorize your kids and tell them not to delete it. i would be more worried about ex's partner and stair pushing history. has there been any more violent incidents like this??
I would speak to your daughter's school and ask the pastoral officer to speak to your daughter, they can give her support and it's completely confidential, and they can also get the relevant authorities alerted if necesary.
Hey Mojo, thank you for your kind and thoughtful response. I have spoken to their mother about it but she says that it was put on all their phones to find the phones if they are lost, I did point out that there are far more less intrusive apps for that. I do get lots of time to talk to her about issues regarding the children as she is the one that drops them back home to me, she seems to agree with almost all of my concerns when raised, but I think that is just a learned and practiced response, nothing ever seems to be resolved as a result. We do local litter picking when we go out for walks along the country roads and also participate in organised beach cleans which she loves as it's 'helping nature' 🙂 I will take your advice and have a word with school. I have made a point of telling my ex that she has always got a safe place to come to at our home (obviously not relationship wise) if things get too bad for her, this did re-assure my daughter that her mother was not dealing with things on her own and made her a bit happier.
Again, thank you 🙂
the phone contract payments are shared, but under their mother's name. I do share your concern about the kids getting into trouble if I delete the app, what I will do is send a message to their mother explaining that it was me and why I did it. I am also considering putting a less intrusive lost phone app on as a replacement as this is their excuse for using it.
There have been no other instances of physical violence, I think the attention that the last occurance got scared the boyfriend a bit. Despite the dominance he holds over them while they are visiting, the kids know that they can openly talk to me, I think what has helped is that I always give a calm response (however I may feeling inside).
I feel for you having to go through the process of custody 'battles', it can be extremely painful at times 🙁
I found out pretty early on that if I only ever spoke about direct and sensible issues regarding the kids and ignored all other wind-ups and arguments it smoothed out the storm a little.
Thank you 🙂
actd thank you,
I think that with my daughters increasing melt-downs I will be doing that.
Again, thanks 🙂
As a matter of interest, how is your ex using the Life360 app - is it to track them when with you? If so, you could go out with them, but leave their phones behind. I also think there's an option within the app to turn off tracking, not sure as it's a long time since I tried it.
Hi actd, I believe that it is my ex's partner who has put it on all the phones, not my ex herself (which worries me more as it is probably meant to track her as well). I can't find a way to turn tracking off through the app itself, when they returned home to me I uninstalled the app and put a lost phone app on instead. I like them to take their phones with them so that if they get lost I can give them a ring or they can ring me. Thanks for the advice though, I will have another look if it appears again 🙂