Hi everyone. I am a Daddy to 2 children from my first marriage. I met someone 15 months ago and we now have a 4 month old baby. Yes, fast moving.
From that, we are both struggling in this new relationship. I already found myself torn and that has got worse since my newborn was born. We currently live in 2 separate homes and everything is under her rules. Being in a two split family is hurting and I am struggling to cope. I love my new partner but she struggles to see /accept that I also have 2 other children that needs me too. I’ve always put my kids first but that is wrong apparently as both her and kids should be - even more hard when there is a new born!
There are other finer issues but I want this to work but we now argue over minute to big things -
Can anyone relate to this and provide advice, please
what is your living arrangement like, how often do you see your kids from previous marriage? your new partner has to accept that you came as a package, and you can not exclude your kids from your life. but as you have a new born baby to care for, try be as available as much as you can. your partner will need all the help she can get. they usually suffer from post natal depression. can be very emotional or erratic during these times.
I am looking to re-marry, and have come across so any women who said their children will come first. just to have to accept that.
I would go and see Relate to see if councelling will help at all.
I see my children from my first relationship every other weekend. Dependant on my work travel, I also have them Tuesdays and Thursdays. My new partner was aware of this when we met. I see my newborn once or twice in the week and at weekends but not always the whole weekend. The new born mums arranges things with her family and friends which i am not invited too.
As you can tell its a mess. We are in a relationship but not really on other accounts. Because she is breastfeeding, I can’t have my newborn for more than 2 hours because of food and she refuses to express, only when it suits her needs.
I am there every moment I can and when she says she either needs my help or asks if I want to come over. That’s all baby base as it should be but if we want a relationship and for us to be a family, we also need an emotional connection and be doing things on both side together.
We’ve had couple counselling very early on in our relationship but it’s clear we both struggle to agree without arguing or to find an harmony that works. Some days are amazing, then one word said causes an argument and it becomes shit too often.
I don’t know what to do or say, hence how do others work it!.
We’ve done counselling...relate are awful! We went private and nothing become clear
You do need to find a way through, it may be that you need to try a different counsellor, it is all about communication and compromise. If one bad word can set it off, then it sounds like you both need to learn how to step away at, or before that point, so things don't escalate.