I Did it Again (Mother in-law) Breaking Up Myself & Partner
I don't want to go on for ages; so will keep this brief. I'm 26 now and want to settle down; no more court etc. I had my first child (boy) in 2017; mother bad post-natal depression and she was a bit hard to work with anyway. Kept hiding stuff from me, talking to other guys. Long story short. It went to court. It made me feel awful. I eventually told myself, "it is what it is". Lost out on my son. I see him once a week. (she's still breaching court)... Either way. It made me feel awful. Roll on Three years....
I met a lovely girl in 2019 and I honestly thought she was the one. We get on so well. Everything couldn't be any better between us... I got on with all her family, either way, she fell pregnant.. She went through a few "low points" and started texting exs. I asked her why, she said she felt low. I walked out and she cried then we made up and she didn't do it again.. I got on with her mum / nan.
Baby due date - 21st Dec 2020. (baby is currently 4 months) on the day of her going into labour my partner's mother started turning on me since my partner let me in the birth room. She got so * with me.. Roll on day after my partner comes out of labour; all of the responsibility of the baby gets put on me; I liked it, but everything I did was wrong according to my partner's mother. No compliments or anything, then she started getting * towards me, getting involved too much with my daughter. My partner had a new phone for Christmas. She had Snapchat on her old phone and was hiding it all from me. (She was texting her exs again).
Either way; I found out. Apparently it was her mum's idea to do it. (her mum is a big influence over my partner). My partner's mum pipes up after I found it, as I put my daughter down and wanted to walk out the house for some space. She shouted at me, "LEAVE AND YOU WILL NEVER SEE YOUR DAUGHTER AGAIN". Telling my partner that she can do it on her own anyway. And apparently I barely do anything! (Which wasn't the case). I told her, fine I will just take you to court then if you stop me seeing my daughter. "as it brought back memories I went through with court before. She came up to me and punched me in the face; got a temper and my partner shouted at me and told me to leave.
Now, either way roll on four months. I still to this day don't get on with my partner's mother. I live with my nan and mum, and my partner lives with her mum (controlling). I have noticed I feel really down since; as my partner's mum tries to get my partner to do everything with my daughter on her own, doesn't want me round the house at all, doesn't involve me in any of the photos, my partner doesn't let me take my daughter out on my own. It's always her family now.
I told my partner yesterday that this isn't going to work, she doesn't want to put her name on the council housing (I don't think she does anyway) regardless, but her excuse is that she doesn't feel ready and that because I said "It won't work" she feels I Will leave her.. Even though I have explained to her I want to be there with her and our daughter, I want to be a family. Now at the moment I don't feel like a family as I feel like it's being taken away from me. I feel like my partner's mum is slowly trying to push me out the picture and take over. Get my partner to be single mum and she knows me or my partner can't do anything as neither of us have a house. (I'm still in debt due to last court!!).
Please; any suggestions?
I think in these type of situations, ideally you should be living together, in your own place with no other family members. I think living in separate homes will lead to more tensions and issues. seems like the influence from mother in-laws and other family will always be there. have to find a way to manage that.
I agree with the above post, that ideally being together would be better for you, your partner and your little one. However, I would also suggest that you both take some time to be alone without any other "family influences" from either side, and discuss what it is you both would like out of life and just what you liked about each other in the first instance. Would you both be prepared to go to counselling? Relate is a great charity that offers this service. Be kind to once another, and perhaps ask your partner what is at the heart of her Mum's attitude towards you? You are both parents to a new life and it sounds like you want the best for your baby. I hope you manage to work this situation out.
Kind Regards, Fegans PSV