Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: We are not open to new posts at this time

Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.

Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.

If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help

Notifications

Clear all

[Solved] Feeling overwhelmed

Dec · 2019-11-13T00:43:26Z

Hi all. Been a bit of a while since I came on here but life has changed rather dramatically in that time. For the past 18 months I have been a full time single father to my now 4 year old child. He has zero contact with his mother which caused him all sorts of issues. I dont want to make this post about her so will keep this brief. I decided to end the relationship. She immediately went and got with someone else and my boy just ended up staying with me whilst she was more interested in her new guy. She showed no interest in seeing our child. I pursued her to have contact with him to no avail for a good 9 months, excuse after excuse. So I took the hard decision just after Xmas to say enough is enough as she had let him down once again, this was causing my son all sorts of problems which was challenging and doing his development no good. She asks to see him every couple of months now but I simply say prove yourself and you can, her mindset is she's his mother so doesn't need to prove herself. So anyways that aside 2019 has been challenging in many ways. It started off well but then went vastly down hill. My son had to miss months off of nursery as his mother kept threatening to collect him and the nursery advised me to keep him off as they didn't want a scene happening at the setting. Eventually social services got involved and told her they would not support him going with her and would support me in an emergency court application so my son was then able to return to nursery. Unfortunately my mother then passed away in March, two days before mothers day. I only ever saw her once a week as we live in different areas but she was my rock, would always be on the end of the phone. Her death wasnt unexpected as she had been in poor health but at the same time it was a shock as she seemed to be doing ok however she passed at home due to pneumonia, I constantly beat myself up as 2 days before I was due to take her to the doctors for a general check up but she cancelled it saying she didn't feel she needed to go, I feel like I should have been more forceful and she may be here today. But I do think she knew she was unwell and decided it was her time to go, but that's also a bitter pill for me to swallow. My sisters (who myself and my mum didn't have the greatest relationship with) also made things even more difficult, as soon as mum was taken away they started clearing her flat out, they demanded my presence at the property every day after to help. I have Aspergers so change is really difficult for me, I felt as if I was being tortured by being forced to help, it was all too raw and too soon for me. Eventually i had to say no i cant do this anymore, i needed to somehow come to some basic terms of her passing before I could help any further. This caused my 3 sisters to then fall out with me as i wasnt helping. My sisters then went and arranged the funeral without me and simply text me the arrangements, they broke the law by doing this (yet the police were not interested) I had hundreds of phone calls to and from the funeral directors due to this, it was only the day before the proposed funeral that my rights were finally recognised and the funeral was then cancelled. My mother never wanted to be cremated but had never put anything in writing, so the stress of this was immense for me. It then dragged on for months and months, the insurance company then paid out for a funeral that never took place which again I had to fight to have the funds returned. The funeral directors were an absolute disgrace as they tried to cover up their initial mistake. I then had to fight the insurance company for paying out when I had instructed them not to. My sisters would not agree to anything, I was willing to compromise on a cremation as long as there was to be a service, my sisters did not want a service under any circumstance. Eventually in August the council got involved and a public health funeral was held and mum was buried. The council created even more problems tho along the way, especially as they used the same firm that had created this whole situation. I've still got complaints out against the funeral directors, insurance company and the council but I just have little energy to pursue them currently. On top of this my mums mother then passed away a month later, officially due to old age but probably brought on by my mum passing. But with all this going on I still had to care for my little boy and be his Daddy as he has no one else, looking back now I am mightly proud in how I did manage to carry on as normal as possible for him despite everything that was going on. I took him away on two holidays as I felt guilty that he was seeing me upset etc. I even completed two half marathons in that time. Since Mum was buried it's been a real struggle, we went on holiday a week later and that was really good. My son then started school and I think a combination of suddenly having all that time alone and the holiday blues and everything f...

Page 2 / 2 Prev

Last Post

Posts: 5565

DadMod2

Nov 14, 2019 1:56 am

(@dadmod2)

Illustrious Member

Joined: 7 years ago

Hi Dec,

have you given any thought about rebuilding your life, like a new relationship/marriage? i know it would be foolish to jump into something when your not mentally ready for it.

Reply

Posts: 11897

actd

Registered

Nov 14, 2019 5:30 pm

(@dadmod4)

Illustrious Member

Joined: 15 years ago

Hi Dec

Out of interest, where do you live - don't need any more than the county.

Cheers

Clive

Reply

Page 2 / 2 Prev

Share:

Latest Post: cms screwed me. now I only have one choice. Our newest member: Homesold001 Recent Posts Unread Posts Tags

Forum Icons: Forum contains no unread posts Forum contains unread posts

Topic Icons: Not Replied Replied Active Hot Sticky Unapproved Solved Private Closed

Our forum is taking a break

Go to homepage

If a life is at imminent risk, please call 999 or attend your nearest A&E for immediate help.

Samaritans – call 116 123
Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258

Cookie	Duration	Description
__cf_bm	30 minutes	This cookie is set by CloudFare. The cookie is used to support Cloudfare Bot Management.
__cfduid	1 month	The cookie is used by cdn services like CloudFare to identify individual clients behind a shared IP address and apply security settings on a per-client basis. It does not correspond to any user ID in the web application and does not store any personally identifiable information.
_GRECAPTCHA	5 months 27 days	This cookie is set by Google. In addition to certain standard Google cookies, reCAPTCHA sets a necessary cookie (_GRECAPTCHA) when executed for the purpose of providing its risk analysis.
ARRAffinity	1 year	This cookie is set by websites that run on Windows Azure cloud platform. The cookie is used to affinitize a client to an instance of an Azure Web App.
ARRAffinitySameSite	1 year	This cookie is set by websites run on the Windows Azure cloud platform. It is used for load balancing to make sure the visitor page requests are routed to the same server in any browsing session.
cookielawinfo-checbox-analytics	11 months	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checbox-functional	11 months	The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checbox-others	11 months	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-advertisement	1 year	The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Advertisement".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary	11 months	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance	11 months	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
CX_171564145	1 year	This cookie is set by the provider Surveymonkey. Used for pop-up surveys to track whether the survey was already taken to avoid re-showing the pop-up.
ep201	30 minutes	This cookie is set by the provider Surveymonkey. This cookie is used for statistical analysis and website optmization. It gathers information on user's interaction with the SurveyMonkey- Widget on the website.
JSESSIONID	1 year	Used by sites written in JSP. General purpose platform session cookies that are used to maintain users' state across page requests.
ugid	1 year	This cookie is set by the provider Unsplash. This cookie is used for enabling the video content on the website.
viewed_cookie_policy	11 months	The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.

Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: We are not open to new posts at this time

[Solved] Feeling overwhelmed

Forum

Recent Posts

Opinion

Have your say: Is being a dad tough?

60/40 Dad: My experience of the court process

Should mediation after family breakdown be compulsory?

Subscribe to the DAD.info newsletter

About Dad

Quick Links

Pin It on Pinterest