Please help guys.
My almost 2 year old's mother refuses to let me take my child anywhere without her coming along. She refuses to let me take him anywhere when i visit. The last time i visited, she had a big fight with me just because i wanted to take my child with me to the barbers to get haircut, she then refused me access to see the child, its been 2 months now. She diverted my calls to voicemail, blocked me on whatsAAp.
I spoke to her father who promised to talk to her, she still refuses to allow me access without her supervision. Due to how she behaved the last time i was there, i decided not go to her house again because i realised the woman simply want to put me in trouble, she cursed me calling me all sort of names all the while squaring up to me. Now she has decided after 2 months of me not seeing the child that if I want to see the child i must visit her parents where she'll bring the child for me to see, but will still not let me take him out.
I have no criminal record, have never hit/touched, verbally abused her or ever touched my child. Yet this woman refuses to give me unrestricted/unsupervised access to my child and this has been ever since the child was born. Please help me, I do not know where to start, I've read we may be required to go for Mediation first before court comes if situation persist however i think mediation will be a waste of time and i don't even think she'll show up to it. I just want to be a Father to my son, an only child. I also want to know the cheapest way to go about it because i have no money, she has more than me.
Hi I’m afraid you’ll need to take this to court and start proceedings ASAP . Before you can do so you need to be able to show you’ve tried mediation . Contact your local mediator ,and get it started as the process from start to hopefully final hearing is nearly a year for me . If your ex refuses or the mediator agrees mediation won’t work they sign a form for you and then you apply to court .. be carful about trying to contact your ex . Even if it’s polite and relevant etc she can still say it’s unwatned and then throw allegations of harassment etc at you . Mine has . .. unf this is all too common and the only way to get certainty is via the courts . Don’t do what I did and wait a year hopijg things will get better if you play the game or try to appease the mother .
As the others have suggested, take it to court. I would at least still see your son at her parents house in the interim. I know it is not ideal, but at least you get to see him, which is better than nothing, like a lot of us are getting.
If you do communicate with your ex, be polite. Do not do or say anything that could be used against you as they tend to twist things to make you look bad. Medication i think is around £100? If you can qualify for legal aid, then have a look around for that. I have been to two hearings un-represented, but i have got one for my final hearing as I felt a little bullied last time and the courts seem to listen to them more than you.
If this is helpful - we made this clip with the local mediators to us in Tunbridge Wells. They are available all over the country and you can find them through the Family Mediators association but the video might give you an idea of what they can do for you.. https://youtu.be/sDi6jnccXOo
best wishes
Thank you all for the quick response much appreciated. On Friday I had a call from child maintenance, she has reported me to them although her and I has payment plan in place which I've been honoring every month without fail. They've ask me to stop all payment to her until I hear from them. This simply tells me its no more about the child but rather her warring against me.
In this case should I wait for the first payment via child maintenance to go through before applying for mediation or I can go ahead and do it straight away? She has granted me a personal supervised visit for next week Saturday for 2 hours at her parents house.
Once again thank you all for all your support. Child maintenance has now done their calculations and notified me of the amount I should be paying her, but now she's back demanding for childcare contribution. I contacted child maintenance, I was told as per my gross annual earnings they've made their calculation; everything is included. However, if I want to make any more contribution towards the child's care cost it will be purely voluntary.
This woman is convinced I should be paying her extra money for childcare, now she's been to see her solicitor to take me to court for more money. Do I have to have to pay her extra money for child care? Can a Judge order me to pay her childcare cost? Mind you with the amount I will be paying her for childcare I will be struggling as it is. Unfortunately because of how much she earns, she does not qualify for any government childcare support for 2 yr old which is normally 15 hours a week.
hi dasman,
only pay what CMS have told you to pay. if you want to pay optional money on top, thats up to you. she may be bluffing about taking you to court for more money. even if you do go to court, you can go and defend your position. there is a chance the judge could order you to pay extra. don't give in right now.
how do you feel about only seeing your child for 2 hours on a saturday?
Hi Bill337,
Thanks for the quick response, I would rather see him for much longer without her watching us all the time and possibly take him round mine for the night. I've only seen him once since the last month. She refuses to let me see him unless I agree to make payment to her for childcare.
No not yet, however, considering all these I will doing it as soon as possible.