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Hi all, I'm hoping that someone can help. I have been separated from my wife for nearly 2 years. We have 2 children (5 & 7) I have been making payments of £400 PM but not through CSA. I work unsocial hours and weekends and currently have 2 jobs. However I try to see my boys at least twice a week with at least one overnight stay a week. I give my ex a months notice of when I am available to see boys or to ask if there are any specific dates I can't see them.
I have started a new relationship and I am hoping to move in with this person soon. It will mean that access to see my boys will be reduced to every other weekend (due to distance). I had discussed this with my ex and although she isn't thrilled with the idea she did agree that it could work (in principle). My ex will often give me dates and times to have boys, in order for her to go away for the weekend or on nights out. I have always tried to accommodate these and swapped shifts or taken annual leave etc.
Unfortunately we have fallen out recently and she refused me access to the boys this past weekend. She is now ignoring my texts and calls. I am due to be seeing my boys tomorrow but she will not answer the question as to whether I am or not. I do not want to turn up at the school gates and cause a scene if I'm not allowed to see them.
Is she allowed to do this? Do I have a right to turn up and collect them as it's a previously agreed time or do I risk getting into trouble? Obviously I want to work with my ex for the sake of the boys but if she won't talk to me, what can I do? Please help! I'm at my wits end...... 🙁
Hi West and welcome 🙂
I'm sorry you're having this trouble but its a common theme....everything seems fine until a new partner comes on the scene.
As you were married you have whats called Parental Responsibility equally with your ex. As there is no Residency order in place I dont think you can get into trouble if you pick them up, but it would cause a great deal of upset and make your difficult relationship with your ex worse still.
Its not fair to use the children as weapon, the children will be missing you as much as you miss them. I would continue to try and get a response from her....point out that the children are innocent in all of this and dont deserve to be denied their Daddy...not only is she hurting you but her little ones are suffering too.
Hi,
What a great reply! Thank you. I'm not too sure if it's the new partner (but probably doesn't help) as my ex is in a new relationship and has known about mine for a while. This new problem all steams from the fact I stood up to her. It was a common problem during our relationship. She is a very, very defensive person and will try and divert any criticism away from herself, then make you feel like the guilty one.
The biggest problem I have is that, as she won't reply to my calls, texts and now emails I don't know whether to turn up to collect the kids at school tomorrow. Feel like I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't at the moment. I have been extremely calm, polite and civil in my requests for a reply (as I fear she is trying to gain ammunition in case of a custody battle) yet she still refuses to contact me.
I am grateful for your advice and I will give her until tomorrow morning to reply then use some of that advice in a last ditch effort to get a response............
Jim 🙂
Hi Jim 🙂
If you feel that she is gearing up to gather evidence for a possible custody battle then I would be extremely careful in all dealings with her.
Continue to be calm, polite and civil, even when provoked, and dont put yourself in a position where she could make false accusations of domestic abuse or harrassment against you, such as turning up at her house, it only takes a complaint to the police for it to be put on record for future use....I may be doing your ex an injustice but you would be surprised how many unsuspecting Dads have fallen foul of this, and it can create problems as far as contact is concerned.
I'm going to give you a link to the Mediation Service as it might be something you should consider to try and avoid court proceedings. Going to court is a last resort and a judge will have expected Mediation to have been fully explored before any contact application is heard in court.
Obviously this wont help your problem this weekend but it can be arranged quite quickly and could be a way forward... it does show your ex that you take fatherhood seriously and you will take whatever steps necassary to maintain contact with your little ones!
www.nfm.org.uk
Best of luck and do keep us posted 🙂
Hi Nannyjane,
Again many thanks. I will take your advice on board and offer her mediation. I will keep you posted,
Jim 🙂
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