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Build up to child arrangement - issue with ex threatening reduced contact

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I split from my partner a couple of months ago and have gradually been reducing my contact, as requested by my ex-partner, to the point where i am having our son (11mo) one overnight (from lunchtime) during the week and Sat lunch - Sun lunch. 

This is working relatively well, but my ex-partner (who has a 15 year+ severe MH diagnosis) has begun to threaten reduction in contact, through solicitor's letters, if i do not comply with her demands. She is stating that she is happy with the current arrangement and doesn't want to look beyond the next 2-3 months, when she will review where i am living, how appropriate she deems it to be...etc.

These threats have been triggered through increasing animosity between her and me, despite me adhering to all requests(!), mainly focusing on the monetary aspect from her point of view (i have gone from covering all costs for the house and my wife and son last month, to covering half the mortgage and the CMS amount). My request through the solicitor's was to gradually build up to having 50/50 shared parenting with our son - with evidence that this laddered approach has been agreed through work (ie. compressed hours confirmed) and that i had to care for our son before work, after work and pretty much for the whole of the weekend to protect my ex-partner's mental health.

For further context, I have been working with a local DV agency, who have been supporting me through this process and have classed me as a victim of domestic abuse, emotional and financial. My solicitors are well aware of this.

I have been advised that i do not have to attend mediation due to DA concerns, although solicitor's wish for me to send a further letter before pursuing the court route for the child arrangement order, to show a willing to negotiate.

For my sanity, from those who may have experienced similar, how do the courts look upon threats to reduce contact, particularly through solicitor's correspondence? I am guessing that it is not worth replying to?

In addition, her camp has stated that any change to the agreed schedule (that she got in first on!), must be through solicitor's correspondence with 2 weeks notice. Again, can this be view as obstructive? This is effectively imposing a cost implication for asking to see my son for an extra night or half day (say Father's day coming up) this not wildly inappropriate?

Any views or advice appreciated.

Topic starter Posted : 27/05/2024 12:06 pm
Illustrious Member


I suggest avoid any conflict with her and be patient. I went through courts and they decided that overnights start once my child turned 2 and a half. so its good your already having overnights

Posted : 27/05/2024 2:30 pm

Honorable Member

You could consider using AppClose for communicating with your ex about child contact arrangements.  Messages can't be deleted and could be used as evidence if she becomes abusive.

Posted : 27/05/2024 5:53 pm

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