[Solved] Cafcass and diretions hearing

Hi Swedish and welcome 🙂

Its a tough call... I can understand why CAFCASS would be recommending a Contact Centre to begin with...its been 6 months since you've had any contact and she has made accusations of abuse. This is a common defence used by some mothers to stop contact but the court has to take notice, as their only duty is to the child and her best interests. Depending on the judge, they may want to see some proof of the allegations....judges seem to have very differing views on this.

If I were you I would have alternative suggestions for the court. Do you have family nearby? A court will sometimes accept supervised contact at a grandparents house, or another close family member, as is the case with my sons ex. My son has custody and we have been to court recently to ask for contact with the mother to be supervised at a contact centre, which was recommended by CAFCASS also, but the judge decided to grant contact at her mothers house.

If the court dont accept any of your suggestions then it might be that you'll have to accept contact centre access. There are Dads on here that have had to go down that route and most have been pleasantly surprised, and the joy at seeing their child again under any circumstances has far outweighed any doubts they had.

Going into court with a timetable of planned increase for contact is a good idea though, and shows you have put thought into what is best for your child. You can ask for a morning or an afternoon every Sunday, increasing to a full day after 3 months, increasing to an overnight stay after a further 3 months.

My advice is to see how you go, but have back up suggestions ready and be prepared to accept a Contact Centre if that is all that is offered. Present yourself in a calm and measured way, especially if your ex or her solicitor are making accusations that arnt true... and try not to react if things dont seem to be going your way.

Best of luck 🙂

Thanks for your advice Nanny, much appreciated. I totally understand why Cafcass have taken the position they have and why the court must take caution when abuse has been alleged, doesn't stop it hurting though.

I do have family nearby, in fact I am currently living with my parents. This was the setip since my split with my ex and my home has more than adequate arrangements for my daughter to stay over. I've thought about offering to having contact at a neutral address, but her family are very hostile towards me and I cannot see my ex agreeing to anything else. If all else fails I will agree to a contact centre on an interim basis, but the cost side of it worries me also.

I really like your suggestion regarding a timetable of increased contact, in fact I will use your suggestion verbatim.

I do have one other concern I failed to mention before, I plan to be moving in with my partner in the next few months, how would this affect the contact order? In respect of would I have to apply for a new order, amend the current or just tell the judge at the hearing tomorrow? The only issue is that I do not have a date set in stone regarding the move.

Thanks for all your advice so far 🙂

Hi Swedish 🙂

...Yes it is hurtful especially if its untrue...some of these mothers are so caught up in revenge that they forget the damage they may be doing to the innocents in all of this, the children.

As you live with your parents, I think its not too much to ask that it be supervised by them at your current address. It might help if they write a statement that you can give to the court....something along the lines of, they will be happy to supervise and abide by any conditions the court sees fit to put in place. Have copies x3 of this available for the other parties.

I'm glad that you will give the Contact Centre a go, it might not come to that yet, its just one of the options the court has at its disposal. Although there is a charge to use the facilities, I cant see it being priced too high....if money is an issue though you could bring this up in court and use it as one of the reasons why contact might be allowed to go ahead at your parents house instead.

There are more additions you might like to think about as far as the timetable of contact is concerned, Its usual practise for the court to grant a full weekend every fortnight as this gives both parents the opportunity to have quality time at weekends if they work. by having her for one night every weekend it limits any full weekend activities you or the mother might wish to do with your little girl. So I would suggest -

A Sunday morning or afternoon for 3 months, then
A full day on Sunday for 3 months, then
An overnight Saturday/Sunday, pick up Saturday morning and returning her on Sunday afternoon/teatime for 3 months, then
A full weekend, pick up Friday afternoon/ early evening (depending on work commitments)and returning her on Sunday afternoon/teatime every alternate weekend.

You could also ask for one teatime period mid week on a weekly basis once the alternate weekends kick in, if you are able to fit this in around work. Holidays could also be factored in, as you may wish to take her away in the summer and so its good to get clarification on this also....ask for a week in July or whatever suits, and extra time at Easter. Ask for alternate christmas and birthdays too, again this is acceptable practice. Its better that you get as much definition written into the Contact Order, as this prevents you having to return to court at a later date to seek clarification.

You could bring the prospective move up in Court but as it wont be for some months, it shouldn't affect anything, the mother might throw up some objections to this but if that happens it might work in your favour, as its not acceptable for her to interfere and try and control what you do or who you see whilst you have contact, and if she does object I would hope that she will be informed of this. Again it gives you the opportunity to illustrate the thought you have put into your daughters well being, as does agreeing to introduce your new partner slowly over the period of increasing contact so that your daughter is completely comfortable with her before you start living together.

Best of luck for tomorrow 🙂