Hi
i have a cafcass report coming up before my DRA. how is best to handle cafcass, i watched a few videos and im going to stay child focussed. However i have one concern, my eldest is 6 years old, but she has been out off by her mother against my extended family, my daughter now doesnt want to see or have her grandmum or my brother around her, both who love her very much. Should i raise this to cafcass or leave it out. i dont really want to be seen saying stuff against the mother if it goes against me. My daughter is fine with me, just against my family she says she dont want to see them.
Hi,
I would recommend you complete a Cafcass parenting plan from here: https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/grown-ups/parents-and-carers/divorce-and-separation/parenting-plan/
mention it during your interview. This will show that your child-focused and serious about co-parenting. You could briefly mention that your concerned that for some reason your child does not want to see extended family.
If you have any doubts about whether to mention it or not and feel it may count against you then I wouldn't mention it. Your main priority is for you to get contact sorted. Once you have a proper CAO then in time you can look to build that relationship. Children's opinions are always changing no matter external influences.. As long as you don't force contact when she expresses she doesn't want to then you can positively reinforce relationships with the wider family eg by talking about family members, looking at photos, talking about things you are doing with your family and in time child will hopefully want to become involved. After all she has her current opinion due to negatively from ex and without you having a chance to balance that out.
Just my thoughts..
How was your daughter with them before the separation? As the others have said, get the one to one time together first and slowly ease them in to contact with your family. My two girls did not see my parents/aunties/cousins for about two years. They were both completely fine and happy to see them when they finally did. I did start off with video calls first which went well.
As far as I am aware, my ex wasnt saying anything bad about them and I hope this is not what your ex is saying to your daughter.
my daughter was very close to them before. now she has said she was told by her mummy she cant hug them etc etc.
im going to remain neutrel, i was just wondering whether to inform cafcass because i didnt want i to look im bitching about the ex. my intention is just to keep it child focussed.
Cafcass have received the court order they said, so they going to be preparing a section 7. Not sure fully what to expect but i done the following:
1. 5 training courses including Separated parenting course, childrens food and hygeine, first aid for children, etc.
2. i have prepared a document showing pictures of me with the kids before the breakup, to show how heavily i was involved with them.
3. i have all my contact centre reports, which show no issues.
4. have work references, and school references which show i was involved with school drop offs and have flexible working hours.
The only issue im going to have is my location, as i live 1 hour away. im going to move closer as i said once i sell the family house. But i dont know if cafcass will take this on board, i want close to 50/50 access as possible. im actively looking for houses, and i have a family member nearby the kids who i could say im staying with.
Any other suggestions how i can best prepare with cafcass appreciated. i have a plan on how i want to arrange the days etc.
it seems your doing all the right things, but what let me down when i was in a similar situation was not being close by. i lived 1.5 hrs away and i ended up with the default, every other weekend and half holidays.
to get as close to 50/50 you need to be a resident near by, with some actual bills in your name, such as gas/electric or paying council tax. if you said your planning to move, i would try and move near there asap. if you get to your final hearing they will base on it actual facts where you are, and require evidence to !! not what you say you can do in the future.
gd luck.