Dad dot info form. Ask questions, get answers
Child Arrangement O...
Clear all

Free online course for separated parents. Click here

Child Arrangement Order Help!

Active Member Registered


My ex has just applied for a Child Arrangement Order to gain full custody of our son. 

Currently and for the last 3-years my son has lived with me and goes and sees his mum on average once or twice a week (sometimes less). He is 10-years old and for his own reasons he enjoys and prefers been at home. His reasons for not spending a lot of time at his mums are because he says ‘it’s boring’ and ‘I just prefer it better at home’.


My son is well looked after and there are no issues at home whatsoever. 

I totally understand that his mum would like to see more of him and my partner and I have never prevented this nor would. I do have a degree of leniency with my son around decision making and one of the decisions I often let him make it as and when he goes to his mums. I do this because if his mum contacts him asking him to go to her house he often turns her down. I have encouraged him to go but how can I force him out if he is adamant he doesn’t want to go? I could never do that to him.

The advice I am after is around the following:

- A first telephone hearing is set for Monday. What I am to expect from previous experience.

- I have returns statement as I only had limited time to get this in as Emmy ex is claiming abuse against her. What else do I need for the hearing.

- Cafcass are not involved at the moment but I am hoping that this will change. Is this likely?

I do not say anything negative about my sons mum in front of him and wouldn’t do so and personally I see no reason for it to go to a hearing (his mum obviously thinks otherwise). I receive the child benefit and have done for years. I do not take maintenance from her. His mum paid me £10 a week for around 3 months then stopped. I didn’t chase this up nor did I go to CMS about this (although I am now tempted).

Any advice would be great.



Topic starter Posted : 23/10/2021 11:44 am
Estimable Member

Its very unlikely that she'll get 'full custody' which is a term not used lately.   Cafcass will almost certainly get involved as the court will want to investigate the situation.  They will want to know why she wants to change things after 3 years.  It may be that they will talk to your son and get his views.  It also seems strange that she's now claiming abuse after all this time.  The main thing is that you remain child focused and don't mud sling.  On Monday you can expect the court to order reports and set a date for a further hearing.

Posted : 23/10/2021 12:51 pm

Active Member Registered

@champagne thank you for taking the time to reply. I am hoping that they ask Cafcass to undertake said report. My son currently visits his mum on average around 1/2 times a week/every 2 weeks and he decides as and when. 

Let’s see how tomorrow goes…

Topic starter Posted : 24/10/2021 6:29 pm
Estimable Member Registered

She will never get full custody.

If cafcass get involved they will encourage thst the mother is involved in kids life. What is reason he stays with you. Did something happen before with mother, does she have any issues, misuse etc

Posted : 24/10/2021 7:00 pm

how contact centres work

Active Member Registered

@Vik2001 thanks Vik.

I have never and would never not involve my sons mum. I am a big believer that children need both their parents. It’s his personal choice not to go that often. I have asked him why he doesn’t want to go incase something wasn’t quite right. He often says that he gets bored and doesn’t enjoy it that much.

I have a lot more in common with my son due to us both enjoying sports and the same things etc. So I guess, perhaps, that’s why he sort of prefers it at home more.

Topic starter Posted : 24/10/2021 7:21 pm

Free online course for separated parents. Click here


Pin It on Pinterest