Hi i will try and keep this short as possible
well i have just been told that my ex girlfriend is pregnant and and she says it is mine which i believe,i have my concerns as she has told me that she misses me and still has feelings for me,which now she has changed her mind and has said she will never get back with me.which i really dont understand at the moment as all i get is one sentence answers from her.
She has 2 other children which both have never seen there fathers and now she is pushing me away and making it difficult to even talk to her about the birth and my role in the birth.i have told her to ring me or text me as we need to dicuss things but i get no reply or she just says she is busy and iam put on the back burner and its so frustrating.This is so important to me and she doesnt even aknowledge the sense of disappointment i have in not even bothering to try and make it work for the sake of the child.I have excepted the fact that we wont be together but i have my cocerns that she is delibratley doing this to bring the child up on her own and cut me out completley as she has done it twice before
any advice
Hi Jez,
Its an awful thing that you’re going through here, when pregnant some women find their emotions going all over the place, some seem to just want to be “molly coddled” others want you away from them….its the whole “hormone” thing.
I’m no expert on women…but being in their face all the time is as bad as not being around….they want you to care but then they want you to keep away….they push n pull you so much you can end up just staying away for good.
I would suggest putting down your thoughts on paper…try writing her a letter explaining how you feel about becoming a father to your child and what you would lie for the three of you if she is willing to try…..by that i don’t mean getting back with her if that’s not what she wants but I mean by being there to support your child……..when I say “Your child” I mean the both of you…the child is part of both of you not just hers or yours!
Explain that you want to be a part of your child’s life and would like to know if that is something she would allow.
Try sending the letter first, give it a couple of weeks and then send a simple message asking how she is…..leave it at that….don’t pester her, beg her to let you be a part of it or harass her…..just a simple message “how are you”.
Its worth a try.
If nothing works then you’ll find plenty of information on this site to help work out what to do next.
Good luck and keep your chin up.
Thank you very much for the advice its the right thing to do iam sure and i have made it clear i want to be part of our babys life shes just so cold it worries me
keep you posted
Hi
well just an update i was meant to go to the doctors with my ex to confirm the pregnancy on monday and as i didnt hear from her i visited her as i prefer to talk face to face.
when i turned up i wasnt even invited in and as i asked her about the doctors appointment she just said she forgot and i find that a bit confusing all i said was we need to talk about this and i left (she seemed very cold towards me) very frustrating.
We arranged a time to have a chat but that has come and gone and still no word from her at all,is this normal as its starting really get to me i have have told her iam here for her and our child and i wont abandon them,but she seems to have no regard for me at all even though we are not together it shouldnt be this way i have since not pestered her at all with tests me ringing or even going round,iam feeling left out in the cold and starting to get Angry with her behavour is this normal
any advice
I’ve no idea about if its “normal” or not……I don’t think there is a guy on the planet who can figure out what a “hormonal pregnant woman” really means or wants.
I could be being flippant there so no offence intended to the women who contribute here.
If you give her space then you don’t care………..if you’re always around then you’re bugging her and in her way. You’re a bloke and you cannot do right for doing wrong.
I would suggest giving her a little space – say a week or two – don’t text/call/speak unless she contacts you.
I do know that if you’re continually “in her face” then she could interpret that as harassing her and if she was that way inclined could contact the police and have you issued an harassment warning……so I would say to you tread carefully around her for now…I would not do face to face as you’re at risk of her telling the police you’ve done all sorts of horrible things that you’d not be able to back up cos that’s her word against yours!
As I said earlier why not try writing her a letter…letting her know that you want to be a part of your childs life……use the words “our child” it should let her see you think of you and her both not just yourself.
Is there anyone around her who you could maybe speak to about things….maybe they could then “drip feed” information to her that you’re missing her and want to be around for the baby and are worried about losing her etc…