[Solved] Contact Order.......I've tried my best with ex.

Hi Pete

I think the best way of helping you is to send the query to our legal team ( which I have done).

I know previously mediation has been recommended , have you managed to try this or even suggest to your ex ?

Try and maintain a calm relationship with your ex for the kids sake and also to show that you are willing and able to compromise.

Thanks for coming back to the forum, legal should respond to you soon.

mags

We have done the mediation sessions to sort finances out and who keeps what but she's apparently told them the case is now closed even though i was not happy with current access, ie 2hrs every wednesday and 24hrs once a fortnight. (2pm sat till 2pm sun)

She has made it very clear to me she has no intention of changing any arrangements that are in place and yes i have been as calm and patient as any decent understanding person could be but it's all been on her terms and her dictating to me.

well i think 2yrs is long enough for any farther to wait for changes to happen "which they haven't" to be able to have a decent amount of quality time to spend with his kids. The fact this is still going on is because she has not met anyone else nor does she plan to and still holds a lot of bitterness. All i want is for a judge to allow me the access im entitled to. she's quite happy taking my £307 a month csa yet all i get in return is 57hrs a month with my kids. Thats not even one weekend in total!!!

Totally shocking and spitefull, The kids love spending time with me but she's preventing that and refusing them their rights and grills them when they get home, in some cases bringing them to tears and then blames me. She's twisted and twisting their minds.

Also just to add, i was told by her to stop with the abusive text/phone calls...........May i add i have never sent anything slightly abusive since before xmas time (as she would not let me see them xmas day) yet she left me a vile voicemail last week and just today phoned me to ask if i was seeing the kids this wednesday "as i'm away" which then gave her an opotunity to have a go at me and talk me down because i had the gall to introduce my kids to my gf (who were well prepaired and wanted to meet her) And this is when she said they are not to be taken out of the county (wales to england)

She's not right in the head.

Pete

I do understand how frustrated and angry you must feel, yes I am a female but for a long time I had no access to my kids due to my ex. As a parent this is one of your worse nightmares and nothing can relieve that aching or hurt you feel when you have to leave them and they are crying.

Constantly tell them you love them, reassure them that you are there and not going anywhere. Will your ex let you ring them, e-mail or skype in between visits ?

You can talk it over confidentially and free at Parentline on 0808 800 2222 and I would suggest you do so while waiting for our legal team to respond.

Other members of the forum will be able to help as well, hold on in there it does get better.

mags

Pete,

Not been thru this myself, but watched that docu on BBC2 last week, and could see how some mothers really play the system to wind up their ex-partners - couldn't believe it where she was lying outright to the camera as they replayed footage that undermined everything she was claiming.

Hang in their bud - I'm sure the legal guys will help, but more than that, keep going as you are too important to your kids to not be involved in their lives.

The experience of some of my friends who have been thru this is that they say is does get easier, but they also say how important it is to keep the relationship as good as you can with your ex-spouse - no matter what games she plays or otherwise.

Keep in touch and let us know where its going.

/Ron

Dear Pete-c,

Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre.

Firstly, if there is no contact order from the courts in place, then your ex partner is able to control any and all contact that you have with your children, as she is the resident parent. This is because no parent has any right to see their children, it is children who have a right to see their parents, and the parent that the children live with is able to make all decisions with regards to contact on the children’s behalf until they are able to make these for themselves (approximately when they become teenagers, but absolutely at 16 years old), or until a court order for contact is put into place.

The mother is the resident parent purely because the children live with her, and you are not required to sign anything to agree to this as this has already been established.

Secondly, when the children are with you, you are able to take them anywhere that you wish within the United Kingdom, and so this would include visits to England / Wales, and to your girlfriend’s home. Strictly legally speaking, the mother has no say in this or in whether or not they meet your girlfriend (and you would have no say if the situation were reversed and the mother decided to introduce a new partner), however at present she is able to be difficult and restrict your contact if she is not happy about what you are doing with the children, although she should always be reasonable and only do this if the children were at risk of harm.

If a court order is put into place, then this is legally binding and states the days and times you are to see your children, which means the mother is no longer making these decisions. If the mother does not comply with the order, then you are able to apply for enforcement and she may be penalised for breaching the order.

The court generally do not restrict what you do with your children when they are with you, so unless the mother can prove that your new partner poses a real risk to your children, the court would not restrict them from seeing her, although the contact order will be in your name only. The courts view is that you would be making decisions based on what is best for your children and it is very rare that this is restricted.

If you choose to apply for a contact order, then this application must be made in the court closest to where the children are living, and this is where all proceedings will be held.

You stated that you have already attempted mediation and the court like to see this, rather than a person applying straight to court without attempting to compromise first.

Anything that you are unhappy about with regards to the mother’s attitude towards contact can be heard by the judge if it is thought to be relevant to the situation. However maintenance is not a consideration, as a non resident parent has a legal obligation to pay maintenance whether or not they are seeing the children and these two issues are not considered to be related in law.

If applied for, a contact order is granted in the vast majority of cases, and there usually has to be quite exceptional reasons for this not to be the case.

We hope that this information is useful to you, should you require further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.

Kind Regards

Children’s Legal Centre

"ChildrensLegalCentre"

Now thats given me somewhat of a boost. I can assure you and the courts that my girlfriend is of no threat to anyone. She tried for 5yrs to bring her own child into this world and is a fantastic mother. The whole reason for all this heartache is the fact that my Ex has not and proboubly won't meet anyone, 2yrs down the line and she's a bitter as ever dictating to me what rights i have. well things are going to change.

She rang me the other day to ask me something but this was just an excuse to wind me up. It works everytime because she has the gift of the gab and yet again tries to put me down. She told me the kids did not want to be put out of their routine or to spend a whole weekend with me.........Thats funny because it was only good friday when they actually said to me they'd had a brill time and wish they could see more of me. I can't even begin to think what horrid things she is filling their heads with.

Because i've said to her i'm getting a contact order she has now stopped me seeing the kids full stop untill its been to court, yet again her selfishness comes 1st.....not what the kids want. This put me through a lot of stress not knowing when i was going to see them again.

A letter was sent to her the other day basically stating i was not prepaired to be walked over anymore and that this was the only solution to sort this feud out and mentioned i could still take my name off the deeds and force her to sell the house as i've agreed to let her stay in the house for another 10yrs...........this is for my kids not her but i also know she could not afford to rent similar.

Then i got this text last night off her 08/04:

I have met with my solicitor today, Yours will hear from mine soon. You can pick the kids up as normal. I want to make it very clearthat i do not want any further contact with you from now on, if i get anymore txts i will contact the police and have a harassmentorder put on you. Enough is enough, Go through your solicitor for anything from now on. My only concern is the kids welfare and couldn't care less about you, i object to the distance you are trying to take them and my solicitor advised me no judge will force kids to go anywhere.

1, she's the one calling me and and leaving vile voicemails (which are all now recorded)
2, she calls about something to do with kids then winds me up (knowing i'll bite as she twists everything)
3, she accuses me of threatening and abusive behaivour? (she's threatened to not allow me to see my kids for no reason)
4, she is the one stopping the kids visiting my gf.....not the kids saying they don't want to go because they do.
5, WHEN i get my full weekends i WILL be taking them away for the weekend and i know for a fact they will love it. They get on well with my gf's son, be close to a beach, lovely house with spare room and a lot of love from both of us and they know this!

The simple fact is she will have read up on contact orders and will know what rights i have and most prob be granted them but she'll be a tough one to get round. All this is just stupid.............i just want what im entitled to, to have some good quality time with my kids and enjoy their company a little more than the poxy few hours a month i currently get.

I'll keep you posted!

thanks
pete

Hi Pete

I hope that you get this sorted out as soon as you can for your kids sake. She really is using them as pawns and not thinking about what is right for them is she. It's very sad when this happens but all too predictable.

Let us know what happens and good luck.

Got my C100 contact order forms yesterday.

Bit complicated as im not a form filling expert but as far as i can see all i need to do is fill out all 4 C100 forms (yes 4) and include a £175 cheque? i don't need permission from the courts as i'm the kids father.

I guess the forms get split to the relavant people/departments.

Because she's backed down by letting me see them again she's prob thinking/hoping i'll not go ahead with it......WRONG!!!!

She's messed me about to many times and i just want the access im entitled to.

i'll keep you posted.
pete

Good luck - since your ex seems to be inconsistent, then this is the best way to go as it gives everyone (especially the children) certainty of contact. If you have trouble with the forms etc, then the Childrens Legal Centre would be the people to contact.

All 4 forms are filled in and will drop off at the courts personally tomoz, Now they only allow space for a brief summary so can't go into detail. How will they determine what i will be entitled to access wise. iv stated i would like them fri evening till sunday afternoon (not the poxy 2pm sat-2pm sun) i currently get on "my weekends" Not asking for the world but a decent amount of quality time. would they contact me for more info and will i need to attend court?

There is no issue with myself or my girlfriend regarding drink/drugs/abuse etc..........All we do have is a lot of love for my kids and for them to enjoy themselves and not be prevented from doing so be her indoors!

Surely any judge in their right mind would grant me that much.

pete.

Depends how much resistance your ex puts up as to how it goes at court - if you can reach an agreement at the mediation stage, then it need not get any more difficult, otherwise it can go to court in which case, Cafcass will probably get involved and prepare a report.