Hello my child went in to school and was upset, child was taken in to a room and asked what was wrong, child said over a week ago during contact I had pushed child. The school phoned me. When they told me what was supposed to have happened and when, I told them I had actual proof that I wasn’t at the place at the time. The school accepted this and I was told no further action. But my ex then contacted me to say, as you are now aware what child has said, she is stopping contact and seeking legal advice. I’m worried sick for my child being made to lie, this is not the first time, child must be in torment. I went to the police they don’t want to know even though I said very concerned for well-being emotional abuse etc. I’ve spoken to courts helpline just said raise a c100 which as we all know can take months to be heard. I’ve asked the school for copy of child statement. Mother works at the school which doesn’t help. What should I do?
All of this has been done because I upset the mother by daring to try and be involved in another issues with regards to my child’s future. Which is an issue I have every legal right to be involved in.
Any advice please? Would it be worth me seeing a solicitor or wait to see what she does next. Should I ask the school pastoral service to get involved and speak to child. I can’t bear the thought of my child’s anxiety over this or the fact that she may try and stop contact again.
Hi, I'd say you need to be very careful how you act now and what your next steps are.
I would try and speak to the mother, sort this issue out between yourself, and explain that you have proof this didn't happen so it won't stand in court. Also say how draining court will be on the mum, child and yourself. It's no good for anyone.
But I do fear she is using this as an opening to alienate you and has an arsenal of allegations she is ready to use, do you think this is the case?
If she wants to stop contact, it will be a lengthy, horrible court process that both of you don't want. It's easier to come to some sort of agreement or resolution now before this spirals. Can you organise mediation? When you are trying to resolve don't go in hot and angry (even though you will want too), do your best to negotiate the best possible outcome for YOU and your child.
Usually, the mothers want something and they are acting out in retaliation to something you've done. I think it's all about power and mothers feel threatened when the dad wants more involvement.
I do strongly advise you try as much as you can because it can get very tiring going through the court and you will unlikely see your child + go back to normal arrangements until a final decision is made which can be +12 months. By that time, the mum will have filled your child head with all sorts of [censored] + got CAFCASS and Social workers involved.
In my case, the judge has allowed contact but mum continues to find loopholes in the law which doesn't force them to come, now I have to prove she is alienating the children.
I don't want to sound dreary, but in these instances, it's easy to get emotional and want to react quickly and with force.
In reality, you need to think about the long game. If you can somehow resolve it now before it snowballs you will ALL have a chance to live a life without the court stress.
If you can't sort it out between you, then come back to the forum and we can help you from there.
hi,
so you have an existing court order? if she does stop contact, it may remain like this for weeks and months. I think its a good idea to get in touch with school pastoral services, and see if they can come to some kind of resolution. you could hire solicitor, but very costly and they would send an expensive letter to your ex, which she can simply ignore. if you have no choice but to return to court, you can self represent. if mother has solicitor, you can write to them and ask them to inform mother to resume the contact.
@felix5 thanks for reply. The child arrangement has been in place 11 years. The order contains a warning about breaking the order. The ex has done this before and been told off by the courts. I’m thinking I can raise a C79 form for enforcement of the arrangement. She stopped contact on Tuesday and again this weekend, she went as far as collecting our child early from school. I don’t understand why she was allowed to do this with no valid reason, unless it’s because she works at the school, which would be totally unfair in my opinion. I found this out because I had phoned the school to ask if they would meet with me and child to discuss this. She text me to tell me not to go to school because she was collecting child and she was suspending contact until ‘this’ was resolved. As far as I’m concerned there is no ‘this’. The school and MASH investigated, accepted my evidence that this could not have happened and said no further action. All of this is in retaliation to the email I sent to her about child’s secondary school application. I have contacted MASH and explained that even though they said NFA ex has stopped contacted and made him tell a lie. They said they might or might not do a welfare check on child, they might go that night, might be in next 2 weeks. How confusing is that.
I won’t this over as quick as possible. She said she was seeking legally advice, I’ve heard nothing. We have a holiday booked Easter, I want my child to come as planned. She doesn’t listen to solicitors as it’s not legal. I think I have no choice but to go back to court, again. Do you know if the courts will accept the c79 considering NFA re allegation or will they want to start full investigation with CAFCASS etc thanks
@felix5 thanks for reply. The child arrangement has been in place 11 years. The order contains a warning about breaking the order. The ex has done this before and been told off by the courts. I’m thinking I can raise a C79 form for enforcement of the arrangement. She stopped contact on Tuesday and again this weekend, she went as far as collecting our child early from school. I don’t understand why she was allowed to do this with no valid reason, unless it’s because she works at the school, which would be totally unfair in my opinion. I found this out because I had phoned the school to ask if they would meet with me and child to discuss this. She text me to tell me not to go to school because she was collecting child and she was suspending contact until ‘this’ was resolved. As far as I’m concerned there is no ‘this’. The school and MASH investigated, accepted my evidence that this could not have happened and said no further action. All of this is in retaliation to the email I sent to her about child’s secondary school application. I have contacted MASH and explained that even though they said NFA ex has stopped contacted and made him tell a lie. They said they might or might not do a welfare check on child, they might go that night, might be in next 2 weeks. How confusing is that.
I won’t this over as quick as possible. She said she was seeking legally advice, I’ve heard nothing. We have a holiday booked Easter, I want my child to come as planned. She doesn’t listen to solicitors as it’s not legal. I think I have no choice but to go back to court, again. Do you know if the courts will accept the c79 considering NFA re allegation or will they want to start full investigation with CAFCASS etc thanks
@felix5 thanks for reply. The child arrangement has been in place 11 years. The order contains a warning about breaking the order. The ex has done this before and been told off by the courts. I’m thinking I can raise a C79 form for enforcement of the arrangement. She stopped contact on Tuesday and again this weekend, she went as far as collecting our child early from school. I don’t understand why she was allowed to do this with no valid reason, unless it’s because she works at the school, which would be totally unfair in my opinion. I found this out because I had phoned the school to ask if they would meet with me and child to discuss this. She text me to tell me not to go to school because she was collecting child and she was suspending contact until ‘this’ was resolved. As far as I’m concerned there is no ‘this’. The school and MASH investigated, accepted my evidence that this could not have happened and said no further action. All of this is in retaliation to the email I sent to her about child’s secondary school application. I have contacted MASH and explained that even though they said NFA ex has stopped contacted and made him tell a lie. They said they might or might not do a welfare check on child, they might go that night, might be in next 2 weeks. How confusing is that.
I won’t this over as quick as possible. She said she was seeking legally advice, I’ve heard nothing. We have a holiday booked Easter, I want my child to come as planned. She doesn’t listen to solicitors as it’s not legal. I think I have no choice but to go back to court, again. Do you know if the courts will accept the c79 considering NFA re allegation or will they want to start full investigation with CAFCASS etc thanks
@warhammer i suggest you do c79 enforcement, if you have holiday booked for child, try seek an urgent hearing for this reason, and allegations/risk of harm to child.
hello sorry for delay in replying, all [censored] been happening here. I filed a c79 last week. I actually hand delivered it to the courts & managed to see someone to speak to. They have fast tracked it as much as they could but I was told yesterday that hearing date will be sent out in next 5/days, this unfortunately means my child will miss the holiday. Every time I should pick him up for court ordered contact his mother is collecting him early from school, it’s really frustrating that they are letting her do this, she works at the school. It’s also become obvious that when I talk to the school they are telling her about our conversation, I’m trying to report this, but getting the head teacher to make contact is impossible. I spoke to my son by mobile, he said he wanted to come see me and was happy, excited about coming, then he suddenly said I can’t come I don’t want to, I suspect his mother was there. He said we can talk on the phone or have face time, I said so you won’t actually see me or Nan, grandad etc he then got upset, I heard his mother tell him it’s ok you don’t have to go to contact. She’s not answering my emails about this or trying in anyway to restart contact, obviously because this is what she wants. I know she wants to stop midweek contact, even chosen a school far away from my home address to achieve this. I will again attempt to pick him up Friday from school, Court ordered contact. I will continue to try and speak to the school to help facilitate this.
I think that she will say to the courts that as it is the child not wanting contact, she is not breaking the order?
hello sorry for delay in replying, all [censored] been happening here. I filed a c79 last week. I actually hand delivered it to the courts & managed to see someone to speak to. They have fast tracked it as much as they could but I was told yesterday that hearing date will be sent out in next 5/days, this unfortunately means my child will miss the holiday. Every time I should pick him up for court ordered contact his mother is collecting him early from school, it’s really frustrating that they are letting her do this, she works at the school. It’s also become obvious that when I talk to the school they are telling her about our conversation, I’m trying to report this, but getting the head teacher to make contact is impossible. I spoke to my son by mobile, he said he wanted to come see me and was happy, excited about coming, then he suddenly said I can’t come I don’t want to, I suspect his mother was there. He said we can talk on the phone or have face time, I said so you won’t actually see me or Nan, grandad etc he then got upset, I heard his mother tell him it’s ok you don’t have to go to contact. She’s not answering my emails about this or trying in anyway to restart contact, obviously because this is what she wants. I know she wants to stop midweek contact, even chosen a school far away from my home address to achieve this. I will again attempt to pick him up Friday from school, Court ordered contact. I will continue to try and speak to the school to help facilitate this.
I think that she will say to the courts that as it is the child not wanting contact, she is not breaking the order?