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Court.. Worth it or not?

 
DadLad
(@dadlad)
Trusted Member Registered

I am in the process of submitting a parental responsibility order and a contact order to the courts.

I have a few questions first before I decide if it’s worth it or not?

I have tried mediation but my ex still isn’t cooperating amicably. So the next process is applying to court but from reading all these posts, and spending money and time getting into court etc what are the chances of being sent on parenting courses, DAPP course etc. Having orders put against me, having the CAFCASS put in biased reports etc.

is it worth mentioning about the emotional and psychological abuse I suffered or will that only be another thing to go against me? This could trigger my ex to make false allegations just to be spiteful and would this result it me getting a non mol order put on me? (even though she has no evidence)

She said she will use mediation notes in court and get her friends and family to lie about me.

What is the process once the orders are submitted to court.

Im 50/50 after reading all these posts, Fathers don’t always get a fair deal and end up worse off.

Any advice is appreciated.

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 26/08/2021 5:36 pm
Vik2001
(@Vik2001)
Estimable Member Registered

When i applied to courts it went like this.

1. I filled c100

2. Ex made a bunch of allegations to counteract the c100,  and due to these allegations I ended up being in a contact centre costing me £140 for 2 hrs visit to see my kids.

3. Due to the allegations made against me I had a fact finding in court. Also had to pay for dna hair strand test. I was cleared of everything, but the whole process to this point cost me 30k.

4. Had cafcass report, they still sided with ex and I got the minimum default every weekend. Ex manipulated my 6 yr old to say stuff against me to cafcass.

5. I have a final hearing coming up now and will go against cafcass and ask for more access.

All this trouble for filing a c100 to gain access to my kids, In  meantime I'm paying her child maintenance and she's taking me to court over the house now to get a bigger share.

Was it worth it? I don't know, a 1 year process and so far I racked up 55k in bills, have no savings and need to still pay for a barrister for the finance proceedings. Average cost by the end will be around 80k.

  • This system isnt designed for any man to win. No matter what you do its biased towards women, they will get away with everything.  U even cough wrong and you had it. Just ask for the default from start and save yrself the hassle. Realise your only gooing to see yr kids every other weekend and hope when they older they will give you a fair chance,  if by then the mother hasn't turned them against you.

Also she can't use mediation notes in court and she can't use witness statements in court from anyone unless approved by the judge before hand. My ex had a bunch of witness statements from freinds n family against me, they all got dismissed in fact finding as was not approved by judge and were not from a official source like the police.

Even if they get find lying nothing happens to women, but the man will probably get restricted access. Oh and the courses is standard you will have to do them, and she will to probably.

Its probably not what you wanted to hear but this is the reality of the process for most fathers. I want to be a part of my kids life and I'm fighting for that, but as much as I want more access that level is controlled by the mother and courts. All the mother has to do is show hostility between parents and u will have restricted access. 50 50 access is very rare and doesnt happen often.

This post was modified 5 months ago 4 times by Vik2001
ReplyQuote
Posted : 26/08/2021 8:38 pm

DadLad
(@dadlad)
Trusted Member Registered
Posted by: @Vik2001

When i applied to courts it went like this.

1. I filled c100

2. Ex made a bunch of allegations to counteract the c100,  and due to these allegations I ended up being in a contact centre costing me £140 for 2 hrs visit to see my kids.

3. Due to the allegations made against me I had a fact finding in court. Also had to pay for dna hair strand test. I was cleared of everything, but the whole process to this point cost me 30k.

4. Had cafcass report, they still sided with ex and I got the minimum default every weekend. Ex manipulated my 6 yr old to say stuff against me to cafcass.

5. I have a final hearing coming up now and will go against cafcass and ask for more access.

All this trouble for filing a c100 to gain access to my kids, In  meantime I'm paying her child maintenance and she's taking me to court over the house now to get a bigger share.

Was it worth it? I don't know, a 1 year process and so far I racked up 55k in bills, have no savings and need to still pay for a barrister for the finance proceedings. Average cost by the end will be around 80k.

  • This system isnt designed for any man to win. No matter what you do its biased towards women, they will get away with everything.  U even cough wrong and you had it. Just ask for the default from start and save yrself the hassle. Realise your only gooing to see yr kids every other weekend and hope when they older they will give you a fair chance,  if by then the mother hasn't turned them against you.

Also she can't use mediation notes in court and she can't use witness statements in court from anyone unless approved by the judge before hand. My ex had a bunch of witness statements from freinds n family against me, they all got dismissed in fact finding as was not approved by judge and were not from a official source like the police.

Even if they get find lying nothing happens to women, but the man will probably get restricted access. Oh and the courses is standard you will have to do them, and she will to probably.

Its probably not what you wanted to hear but this is the reality of the process for most fathers. I want to be a part of my kids life and I'm fighting for that, but as much as I want more access that level is controlled by the mother and courts. All the mother has to do is show hostility between parents and u will have restricted access. 50 50 access is very rare and doesnt happen often.

This is a good insight from someone who has experienced the system. I’m sorry to hear that it hasn’t worked out as expected for you.

My ex spitefully registered our child without me to remove my parental responsibilities.

All I want is to have my rights as a father and to be able to build a bond with my own child. My family haven’t even met her yet.

Currently 4 months since I last seen her, it’s tough, it is definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through in my life.

Im determined, I want my child to grow up and know I tried for her but at the same time I don’t want to get in serious debt and come out worse off that I initially started.

After so many years of a biased system you would think they would find a way to implement equality and fairness. The system unfortunately isn’t on the Fathers side to this day.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 26/08/2021 10:20 pm
Vik2001
(@Vik2001)
Estimable Member Registered

the biggest problem you hear of, is that men have fact findings in court or maybe not.  either way they are just fighting for what will just be normally default access.  if you are cleared of everything you get default, and the women have no consequences for what they put you through.  even if you get found guilty of something you normally are just working for the default.  so in some ways whats the point, your fighting really for some justice that never prevails, and the future of your relationship with kids lies in the mother and courts hand.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 27/08/2021 7:16 am

how contact centres work

MikeBurry
(@mikeburry)
Active Member Registered

When I started the court process my solicitor  led me to put the bare minimum information in the C100. This could be why. You dont want the other party knowing what arguments you are going to use against them so they have time to prep.

Recently had the safeguarding letter back, it did seem biased slightly towards the mother, full of lies, luckily i can prove it, or she has no proof.

Section 7 is 6 months where I live. Court hearings are also a 6 month wait by the looks of it. Just shows how broken the system is if its this busy.

Id say go for it. If you cant fight for your kids what can you fight for?

As others have recently pointed out the domestic abuse act defines examples of parental alienation. This only gained royal ascent at the end of april. All of our cases happening right now will be a test of whether the courts take this on board. After all it is abuse.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 27/08/2021 8:19 am
DadLad
(@dadlad)
Trusted Member Registered
Posted by: @mikeburry

When I started the court process my solicitor  led me to put the bare minimum information in the C100. This could be why. You dont want the other party knowing what arguments you are going to use against them so they have time to prep.

Recently had the safeguarding letter back, it did seem biased slightly towards the mother, full of lies, luckily i can prove it, or she has no proof.

Section 7 is 6 months where I live. Court hearings are also a 6 month wait by the looks of it. Just shows how broken the system is if its this busy.

Id say go for it. If you cant fight for your kids what can you fight for?

As others have recently pointed out the domestic abuse act defines examples of parental alienation. This only gained royal ascent at the end of april. All of our cases happening right now will be a test of whether the courts take this on board. After all it is abuse.

I totally understand, and I believe in fighting for what is right and fighting for our rights as Fathers but what is the point if the system is already setup against us? Why get in serious debt and come out worse off with hardly anything in our favour?

My ex is definitely showing narcissistic parental alienation, our child is not in the best interests, she wants to punish and deprive me as much as possible. How do they get away with evil and wicked things like this? How are they allowed to coach and manipulate our children against us?

Can we decided to end the court proceedings if it starts becoming expensive and a waste of time?

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 27/08/2021 1:42 pm

top tips to support your child after breakup

MikeBurry
(@mikeburry)
Active Member Registered

@prisma 

I know how you feel mate I really do. My ex is a narcicist and doing everything she can to punish me, even to the extent of making fabricated police reports.

The system really needs to change, nobody in power seems to be listening to the guys. The system gives abusive women so much power and they know and use it.

Im lucky I have the money, if i was you and didnt i wouldnt use a solicitor and probably go it alone. You can represent yourself in court and ask around for advice at every step. The solicitors can just prep everything and give you advice, if you have some money to spare and you can represent yourself at the hearings only (hearings are the really expensive bit). Fathers for justice offer some sort of service, im signed up there but have never used them.

You can stop court proceedings at any time. You can also instruct a solicitor at the beginning but stop using them and switch to representing yourself at any time. The solicitor just sends a short form to the court.

Im really hoping the domestic abuse act changes things but we will see.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 28/08/2021 9:24 pm

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