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Hi all,
My STBXW and I have been separated since I discovered her year-long affair 15 months ago. She moved in with OMPOS in London, but has since broken up with him and is now lodging with a friend (of hers and OMPOS) - along with her son/my (ex?)stepson, DSS13. She now claims she is sorry, and is broke, and would like to have a "reasonable" settlement with me, especially in respect of our daughter, who has remained living with me.
I invited her to name a sum, and she replied tonight with a figure that I can handle. However, I don't want to reply with acceptance until we have also agreed the non-financial aspects. And that is where I need your guidance/perspective/wisdom: what are ALL the angles and aspects that need to be covered? I can think of Residence, Term-time Day-to-Day Contact, Term-time Weekend Contact, Holiday Day-to-Day Contact, Holiday Weekend Contact, Special Contact, Major Decisions. As you might guess, I cobbled that list together. Is there anything (else) I should add or remove from the list?
For the record:
1. Residence (done: STBXW is happy for our daughter, DD8, to live with me)
2. Term-time Day-to-Day Contact (almost done: DD8 will continue at school local to us near Reading. STBXW is in London)
3. Term-time Weekend Contact (almost done: when STBXW gets a place of her own large enough to accommodate that, DD8 will spend alternate weekends with STBXW in London)
4. Holiday Day-to-Day Contact (not done/help needed: STBXW is a habitual all-night raver, borderline alcoholic and consumer of so-called "soft-drugs")
5. Holiday Weekend Contact (not done/help needed: STBXW is a habitual all-night raver, borderline alcoholic and consumer of so-called "soft-drugs")
6. Special Contact (not done/help needed re eg Father's Day, Mother's Day, parents' birthdays)
7. Major Decisions (not done/help needed)
8. Maintenance (almost done/help welcome: I won't be asking her for maintenance for DD8. I did not legally adopt DSS13, so am not obliged to pay maintenance on him)
Is there a proper checklist, or a sample form, or other template document I can use? We really want to minimise legal fees - especially as we are in broad agreement so far. I just want to nail this so we set everything down on paper all in one go.
Thanks in advance for all advice/pointers etc,
Igiiroko
I think you have a lot covered there, it might be worth going to a solicitor for a quick consultation as I think you do need something in writing.
However, a couple of points:
1. - take a look at this post from a few months back: http://www.dad.info/dad-talk-forum/legal-eagle/22245-csa-and-step-children-financial-orders
You may find yourself liable for maintenance for your step-son, and it's not necessarily something you can sign away
2. - you may not want money from her for maintenance, but circumstances do change, and my personal point of view is that the money would be better taken from her and put into a savings account for your daughter, rather than left with her to spend on drugs/partying/alcohol etc
Thanks, Actd. (Even) if the other thread you shared applied to me and to my disadvantage, wouldn't it then be the case that I was liable to pay STBXW maintenance for DSS13 at the same time as she is liable to pay me maintenance for DD8? Would that make sense -- and would both not cancel each other out?
Btw, DSS13's biodad pays maintenance (although I'm not sure how regular and large his payments are) to WW.
Do you know of a standard or complete checklist of things to cover in an out-of-court agreement or mediated settlement or somesuch? Anything like my list, but more "professional"? Thanx again,
Igi
Not sure of any checklist - I think there's too much variation in cases for it to make sense.
Regarding maintanance though, if you are earning and she is broke and on benefits (not sure of the exact circumstances), then you could be liable for maintenance at 15% of your takehome pay, and she'd be liable at the flat rate of £5 per week - they don't cancel each other out, unless you are both earning about the same amount.
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