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Hi this is my first blog , here goes. I was with my girlfriend for over two years , did not live together, but thought we had a future. She became pregnant , and started to go funny on me , during her pregnancy , i redecorated, her whole rented house taking a lot of time of work , soon as i finished she finished with me.
Baby boy born over a year ago , in the first few months she would not let me see him, only contact through her parents, I honestly dont know why she cut me off, i am a very caring , loving , non agressive person. No criminal records never even had 3 points on my driving licence. She let me visit after a few months at her parents place , what a emortional 2 hours, seeing my son. after that visit she agreed to let me see him once a fortnight for 2 to 3 hours at her parents place. By the way I travel around 100 miles each away to see him, worth it. After 4 or 5 visit she said once a month , then she said no visits , as my son gets tired.( did not stop her sisters, nephews cousins visiting), luckly her parents convinced here to let me see him.
I asked her after a few months for more visits, she said no and if i did not like it go to a solicitor, so i did , a letter was sent to her by my solicitor requesting much more frequent visits ,she emailed my solicitor with a straight No , and said we were never in a relationship it was just a convinence thing between us, what a big lie. 1500 pound spent on legal , and nothing. solicitor says next step court ( which i cant afford).
I had asked her to go see a mediator, way before solicitor action, she said No. she would not put me on the birth certificate, refuses parential responcibilty . None of my family have seen him , my parents are dying to well come there granson, In all my son is missing out on caring father which would benefit him so so much.
When i visit there no raised voices , between me and Ex, we get on well , she agrees to alot , then as soon as i leave , tex messages come flooding in refusing all. My son is growing so fast , missing out on his father’s words ,
I pay through CSA, buy gifts upon every visit , also buy food for her and her parents. all I want is more time for my son to be with his father. does anyone have any advice and would court be the way forward. I would have to represent myself , maybe have a Mckenzie friend
Hi there,
It's shameful when a loving father is denied proper contact with his child, and there are many here that understand how you are feeling.
The good news is that going forward without a solicitor is doable and there is help and support available to you.
Mediation is the accepted first step and legal aid is still available for this. She may have refused your request but she may think twice if the mediator writes to her and asks her to attend. If she refuses then you will be given a form FM1 to send to the court to show that you have attempted to resolve the problem first. Here is a link to the legal aid calculator to find out if you are eligible for legal aid
www,gov.uk/check-legal-aid
Here's a link to the mediation service, it's better to use one that is nearest to the mother and that applies to the court you use too.
www.nfm.org.uk
If you take a look at the stickys at the top of this section you will find some information videos about the forms you will need and what to expect in court and also a couple of stickys about representing yourself and one about the C100 form which is what you would need to apply for contact through the court. You will be able to apply for parental responsibility at the same time and you would need form C1 for that. If you are on a low income or benefits you will also be entitled to an exemption from the court fees which would normally be £200. To find out about this you will need form EX160a. All of these can be downloaded from the MoJ website or you can telephone the court and ask them to send them out to you.
Nanny , This is fantastic informatiom , i thank you very very much , just wondering wheather the courts would give me more time with my son, then just once a month for 3 hours. ideally i would like overnight stays , plus introduce him to my parents and the rest of my family. I am single , dont want another partner for a while just want to concentrate on my son.
Don’t go getting your hopes up too fast……if you take the legal route your ex could decide to do as so many seem to do and really start the mind games….stopping all contact and making you jump through hoops in the hope that you’ll get fed up of fighting and leave her alone and walk away. And don’t forget she could see it as you daring to challenge what “she who must be obeyed” says and does….and if she does then you could be in for a real bumpy ride lie so many fathers here have and are going through.
So what to do?……….As NJ has said you need to contact a mediator, you will have to show to the courts that you have attempted mediation before court will start on contact orders.
If mediation is not working or refused and you have to go down the legal route and court then you will then see what your ex is prepared to do to control your interaction with your child. Or she may see how serious you are and give in and allow you and your child the time together your child has a right to!
Either way many of the contributors to this site can offer their experienced based opinions/advice to help you through things as they arise.
Unless there are really good reason for you not to be in your child's life then the courts should order contact to resume….but that will depend on what your ex decides to say and demand from the court.
With the very young age of your child I’d not expect much more time than you’ve already been having and the mother will more than likely fight if she thinks she’s right and everyone else is wrong. But at the least you should be asking for a time frame for increasing contact when you get to the court stage.
It could be worth writing a letter to your ex explaining you just want to be a father to your child and to be there for them when and however you can be.
Keep it focussed on whats best for the child, to grow up knowing they have a daddy who loves and cares for them and will always be around for them.
Then offer mediation so you can both discuss your differences etc… and see if that makes a difference. You could do the same letter to her parents asking for their help in this situation.
At least when you’ve done this you can then prove you’ve tried to be the better man and do whatever you can to prevent this from having to go to court.
Make sure you keep a copy of the letters, and start keeping and saving texts, emails, note on events between you and your ex in case you do go to court.
I say this as written evidence (texts, emails, letters) may go a long way to help you prove anything you need to back yourself up on…..there are some pretty horrendous stories out here that some of us have been subjected to once we took legal action against the ex! The more proof you have of your version of events and conversations/augments the better your case will be for contact resuming/extending etc…
If she becomes horrible, abusive etc… in texts, email etc… do not reply and do not rise to them, simply keep them for possible use in court. if you do reply nastily or abusive back then you could find this goes against you later on depending on how she plays it…..and again there are many here who’ve seen the worst their ex’s can sink to!
Hi Llesh,
Great post dad-i-d
We are in a similar position, and the only thing i can add is expect her to change the story as often, well more often than the wind changes. I was able to get my ex into court last month, and we are having another hearing on the the 1st of Nov, Section 37's are being carried out at the moment and I have been preparing my Statement for Court.
Due to my ex flitting around town and then doing a runner before returning and then getting her served when she returned back. She does not have any legal representation, and that is somehow my fault apparently. As she screamed me to go to court to get contact almost a year ago and told constantly i would need a solicitor to sort things out, thats what i did and now i have employment I can just about afford a solicitor. Yet she says it was me who brought up solicitors and courts in the first place. I forced her away, yet it was her who flitted around town before absconding when we were trying to get her into court over 5 months ago. We never knew where she was until after she had moved away, and then only found out where she was in another town of her ex friends husband who sought me out to tell me.
So expect the story to change, I have tho, been keeping a journal since my daughter was 1 week old, been writing everything down about what her mums doing, saying, and alledging what i have done. Every entry has a date, and also it is full of cards and photo's and friends and family have written in it also. I am on my 3rd book, it does help me keep track of everything going on how long since i saw my angel (49 weeks now).
When this rears its ugly head in court I will read (with permission) from the date 21/10/12 where I tell my princess what her mum was screaming at me in the streets.
So beware of all the changes Llesh that are bound to happen.
Pete
Dad-i-d Thank you very much, so helpful.Good to know that there are dads out their with experience( which they should not have been put through) in this matter for us who are starting this horrible journey with Ex partners who suffer from " Parental Alienation Syndrome" ( Due to emotional insecurity issues or personality disorder of somekind or stuck in anger phase, its all drama and control)
You mentioned that i would not get much more time then i am getting at the moment to see him, 3 hours a month,12 time a year , 36 hours a year, while she has him 24 hours a day and her parents and family and friends see him much much more then me the Father. is it worth taking her to court to get the same. Sorry i am so fustrated
Thank you pete , it helps , i have kept all text messages , plus any previous to our break up cards and notes , but not really documented my verbal conversations . You are so right she changes and twist what she said , she asked me to get a solicitor , i asked her many times to sort it out without one , when i did she said get rid . ( solicitor worte one letter , cost £1500 pounds )
I really feel for you not seeing your angel, hope your court goes well , and she comes down to earth where all the loving Fathers live . i am old but new dad too.
sorry i cant give you any advice , dont no much on this matter , good to know help is at hand though
ilesh
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