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Hi Guys
Hoping someone can offer me some support/guidance with this issue.
My Ex wife announced recently that she is planning on taking my 7 year old son who has autism to live in Turkey for between 2-4 years as her partner of 10 months has been offered a posting there. I have parental responsibility so i know that she cannot do this without my consent (which she will not be getting) so i think it may have to go to the courts to be resolved. The end of my marriage was a deeply traumatic experience for me but the most difficult part was getting used to not seeing my son on a daily basis and missing him growing up. I should have challenged for custody but i was in such a mess and could barely look after myself, let alone a 4 year old. I was off work for 2 months and my G.P put me on anti-depressants. When the dust settled, we arranged through negotiation that i would have had regular contact, seeing my son two weekends out of every three as-well as during school holidays, all in all between 90 and 100 days per year. Three and a half years later and despite a round trip of 150 miles every weekend to pick up/drop off, I have never missed a weekend when i was due to have them and have also never missed a maintenance payment. My son is obviously a huge part of my life and i am not ashamed to admit that i need him in my life and im sure he needs me as-well so am concerned that this will have a huge impact on both our lives.
Given his autism, my son needs a regular routine in his life and uprooting him everything he knows in the UK and taking him almost 2,000 miles away will i feel cause him a great deal of anxiety and upset, he struggles to understand what the implications of this move would be too as he has no concept of time or distance, so its hard to explain that instead of the usual 11 day maximum between us seeing each other, it could now be in excess of 100 days.
I know if it has to go via the courts, as i feel it will do as my ex is adamant that she is planning on going unless the court stops her, the decision will rest on what is in my sons best interests, and this in turn will hinge on how professionals see his educational needs being met in a foreign country. As my ex's new partner works for the government, she has indicated to me that this will be met through international and embassy schools for British children and has tried to assure me/convince me that they will be able to meet his educational needs but i am not so sure.
Does anyone have any experience of similar situations and can offer me some advice. I felt i have already lost him once following the end of our marriage and cannot go through this again.
Thanks
Mike
Hi Mike
I am sorry to hear about your problems.
Is there any chance of a change of heart from her? If not, then I would think that the courts would have to be involved. If you dont have a solicitor, there are people on here that can give you some advice about where you might stand and the way forward for you.
It's important that you keep your head and stay calm, the issue will be what is best for your son, as you know, so this is the position you should take also. Can you speak to his GP, school or health visitor about the implicationd for him and voice your concerns?...find out about the acknowledged effects that such an upheaval would have on your son. Stick to the facts and try and get as much information about it as possible. These issues are what the court will be interested in, not how it may effect you or your ex personally.
Good luck Mike and dont give up hope!
Nannyjane and actd...Thanks for the support, its a great feeling to know that help is out there. I'll keep a close eye on this thread for feedback from the CCLC and update with any further developments.
I dot think there is much hope of her having a change of heart Nannyjane, i get the impression following a recent phone conversation that she is quietly confident that she will be successful, basically telling me i need to prepare myself mentally for him going. I cant for the life of me see how any magistrate will let him go but the inconsistency of the British judicial system and her over confidence worries me!
Cheers guys
Mike
Dear Mike 72
Thank you for your e-mail.
As you were married to your child’s mother, you have Parental Responsibility for him. This does not become void upon you divorcing the mother. Parental Responsibility is defined in s.3(1) Children Act 1989 as being:
"all the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authority which by law a parent of a child has in relation to the child and his property".
As you have Parental Responsibility, you have equal rights and responsibilities towards your child with the mother. Practically Parental Responsibility means that both parties should consult and consent on issues such as schooling, medical issues, change of name, removal from the jurisdiction and other major issues concerning the child. As you have Parental Responsibility your consent should be required for a removal from the jurisidiction and if your ex wife went without your consent this could be seen as abduction.
We would advise applying to the Court for a Prohibited Steps Order if the mother is adament that she will not change her mind on this issue and if you have concerns that she may go without your consent.
To apply for a Prohibited Steps Order you would need to complete a form entitled a C100. This form can be obtained from www.justice.gov.uk or from your local Family Proceedings Court. There is a fee of £200 for this application. If however you are eligible for a fee exemption you can complete a fee exemption form entitled EX160a. Once you have completed the application form you need to hand it in to your local Family Proceedings Court along with the relevant fee and the Court will then contact you with a hearing date.
Something that you may want to look at when applying to the Courts is the Welfare Checklist. This is a guide that all Judge’s must follow when deciding whether to grant an Order.
a) The ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child concerned (considered in light of his age and understanding);
b) His physical, emotional and / or educational needs;
c) The likely effect on him of any change in his circumstances;
d) His age, [censored], background and any characteristics of his, which the court considers relevant;
e) Any harm which he has suffered or is at risk of suffering;
f) How capable each of his parents and any other person in relation to whom the court considers the question to be relevant, is of meeting his needs;
g) The range of powers available to the court under the Children Act 1989 in the proceedings in question.
Should you require any further legal advice please do not hesitate to contact us via our webchat facility which can be found at www.childrenslegalcentre.com and is available Monday to Friday 9am to 6pm.
Yours sincerely
CORAM CHILDREN’S LEGAL CENTRE
.. The advice from CCLC should give you a little more confidence going forward, Mike.
I think your ex has the same attitude as many mothers, that the courts are always on their side...That may have been the case once but things are changing. The courts are increasingly taking a fairer and more balanced view and finding in favour of Dads, when that is what is best for the child...its nowhere near perfect but its getting better! My son fought for his boy and won, and there are other successes on here, so take heart Mike!
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