[Solved] Ex partner has a "playdate" for our children

Have you asked her Dave? It could be just for a chat with an SW to ascertain their wishes and feelings?

I would contact SS and talk to them about it, if it is for extra support you could offer to "fill the gap". Regardless, it might be an indicator that she is not managing on her own and I feel it's relevant to your case for residency.

If you do contact them make sure your call and your request/concerns are logged, or alternatively you can put it in writing.

I assume that as she lives with her parents and that they provide the additional support she needs on a day to day basis, it's not an unreasonable assumption that she couldn't cope independently.

Hi Dave, as the name suggests, I'm quite familiar with strokes. I've had a few.
You may be on shaky ground as there are many disabled parents & your ex (or her legal team) could claim discrimination.
If the ex is unable to look after herself, you will have more chance for being the RP. However, my ex tried to use the after effects of my strokes to deny unsupervised access & luckily for me, it was ignored by the judge.
Unfortunately, the law tends to generally grant RP rights to the mother. If her physical & mental issues are a danger to the kids then you will have more of a case.
When were her strokes? It may be that if she's still in the recovery period, that you might get temporary RP status (if there is such a thing) as in the last 2 years I've gone from not being able to hold anything, walk, concentrate, talk, type, count, cope with noise & busy situations and having weakness on one side - to outwardly having a stutter & a vastly diluted version of the effects I was suffering from. (All while having our newborn son, being dumped, divorced & moving house. Oh, and I'm working full time now)

nannyJane - Of course I havent asked her:) She has sttched me up so that I am onlly allowed to contact her via email only if absoloutly neccesary. Although she is living with her parents only a few miles away she now comes under a different council and so could be being assesed by them. Would it be reasonable that I call or write to them asking if our children are now on theyre books as it were?

Strokebloke - I appreciate what your saying and she has made a good recovery considering the devestation the strokes caused. After the first she was hospitalised for sometime and couldnt move, talk or swallow. The second stroke was less severe and caused by the fact she was not taking her warfarin. She told me she thought she was invincible. She has refused counciling from the beinging and her emotional, behavioural and cognative abiluties have been impared.

She suffers halucinations and her decision making impacts the childrens safety in my opion. Our children have been injured in her care and she got us into financial difficulty due to her impulsiveness since the strokes.

She can be agressive, I suffered DV at her hands, when she becomes frustrated and has shouted abuse at me in front of our children using expletives and profanity.

I dont seek to deny her access as I think that that is important to our children I do however do not believe that she can cope with the day to day care of our children.

Its tough because if you were to meet her for 20 minutes you would be impressed however after that you begin to notice the challenges she faces in terms of asphasia, memory, fatigue, headaches and decision making.

She has recently been switched from Warfarin to heparin which according to her solicitor is as a result of Warfarin not working but Im told by other medical proffesionals its more likely as a result of her being non compliant in terms of her taking her medication and going for blood tests.

The judge has allowed me to instruct a specialist medical examination to determine if her strokes affect her ability to parent which if everything is considered I think that it will show she does not care or manage her own health and I can vouch and prove that she has made some poor decisions in terms of our childrens health and care.

I admire her for the recovery she has made however there are some real concerns on my part due to the residual effects of her strokes and the fact that she believes there is nothing wrong with her and has never received councilling.

The cause of her strokes is Hughes syndrome which in iteself can cause mental issues due to the effects it has on the brain due to the blood becoming thicker and can cause early dementia.

She also has heart issues and a drug habit going back 25 years. The results of a recent hair strand test proved positive.

I really do not wish our children to become carers for her as I had to be as being her carer affected my health. I lost 4 stone since 2007.

My goal is to give our children as normal and upbringing as possible free from the realities of caring for her.

To that end I hope that the judge sees that the needs of our children are best catered for in my care and that she will have genorous access and be involved in our childrens lives.

It is what is in the best interests of our children.

Strokes affect people in so many different ways and I have the utmost respect for those that have suffered such a life changing event and congratulate you on your recovery as I know how hard it must have been.

I appreciate what you are saying regards how difficult it is to be granted RP rights and can only hope that my legal team and I can successfuly communicate and prove that the challenges she faces on a day to day basis, no fault of her own, mean that our childrens physical and emoitional needs are best served in my care.

May I ask the nature of your stokes?

Were they hemoragic or ischemic and is the cause manageable by medication or other means?

Regards,

Dave

Wow...spelling is not great...sorry...tired....Dave

Hi Dave,
My strokes were ischemic, they haven't found the full root cause of most of them, they think that one was caused by being taken off warfarin by the specialist as it wasn't needed anymore, 10 days later I'd had another.
I'm on warfarin for life, so I can understand your comment on not taking the meds is concerning. Whether she'll use heparin is debateble as (in my case) the injections are much more annoying & painful than taking tablets.

My 1st (and most severe) one was when I was driving at the age of 35 & they believe that I had looked over my shoulder to change lanes on the motorway twisting the carotid & damaging it & causing a clot. Apart from the extreme headache and the weakness on one side I didn't know it was a stroke & drove for another hour. It was the next morning that I tried to speak & couldn't so I went to the GP - which is weird to do when you can't communicate.

I was lucky that my personality wasn't affected as I know some people get violent mood swings as your ex does.

From what you've stated, I agree that your childrens welfare would be better accomodated by you as the RP & wish you the very best of luck with the courts.

It has all become clearer now.

I had a call from social services today who asked if I was available so that they could come visit me. 2 appointments arranged. 1 with our children and 1 without.

It turns out the playdate was an introductory visit to my ex which seems slightly strange that they did this for her but not me. Anyway Im sure its innocent as they have also arranged 2 visits with my ex. (over and above the introductory visit).

I asked them the pirpose of the visit and they said it is so that they can report on what I can provide for our children now and in the future, where they will live and how I will care for them and meet theyre needs. Also to discuss any concerns that I have with my ex caring for them.

They aslso wish to speak to me about the relationship and allegations. I asked if they wished to see statements, maikls or texts and they said that they would look at them if I felt they were relevant but didnt want to see "everything".

I hope that I am correct but they seemed pretty straight forward and reasonable.

Time will tell.

Regards,

Dave