Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: We are not open to new posts at this time
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Advice please. My partner separated from his soon-to-be ex-wife three years ago and they have three daughters (4, 7 & 8 ). When they first separated he was allowed overnight stays with the children and plenty of contact. Since then the ex-wife has started a new relationship and relocated the children 2 hours away. The relocation was not discussed with my partner at the time and she refused to give him his children's new address until the solicitor handling his divorce obtained it for him. The separation and stress caused my partner to have a breakdown and he struggled to have any contact with his children for 6 months. When I met him at the beginning of this period he was grieving for the loss of his children - it was awful.
He is much recovered now and has been jumping through every hoop to try and reinstate a proper relationship with his children (including paying for a divorce, agreeing to not being called Daddy and agreeing to never mention me, my daughters or anything to do with our life together to the girls). However, contact has been reduced to one short telephone call on speaker each week during which the ex-wife and new boyfriend interupt or hang up if they don't like the way the call is going and one afternoon visit per month during which he is not allowed to leave the town where they now reside and the children witness the hostility of the ex-wife and new boyfriend. She was originally refusing all contact with the youngest daughter who is has been convinced that the new boyfriend is her real dad. The oldest daughter is often upset enough about the situation that she breaksdown at school and the ex-wife is called in. So my question is:
1. As there is a precedent of overnight stays prior to the new boyfriend appearing, can we be reasonably confident that a contact order will result in these being reinstated? (We have beds, clothes, toys, etc for the girls).
The reason this is so important is that we feel overnight stays are the only way we can rebuild the relationship with the children and reduce the damage the ex-wife's parental alienation is causing. Furthermore, we are wanting to have a child together and we do not want our child to miss out on a meaningful relationship with three of his/her older sisters.
Any help and/or advice very gratefully received. Thank you.
Hi frustratedstepmum,
Sorry to hear about the situation, not good foor your partner or the chidlren at all.
I hope he is on the mend.
Is there a current contact order for your partner and children?
Your parner could try mediation with his ex which may or may not be successfaul however this is considered the first step to resoloution and some courts insist that there must be an attempt.
The calls being on speaker phone may be frowned upon for the older child and as for not being called Daddy, thats despicable.
Ensure that you Keep any evidence of what is going on (and a diary), I would also speak with the older childs school and social services as this is overt PA.
To answer your question - Due to the time this has been going on you may have to start with more frequent day visits but I cannot see why overnight stays would not be considered if there was a plan to build up to these.
You cannot allow the situation to continue in my opinion
If you need advice or guidance there are many here who will help so your not alone.
Regards,
Dave
Hi there
I agree with everything Dave has said.
I think mediation should be attempted, but its advisable to use a mediator that is near to where the mother and children live. Even though its likely she will refuse it still has to be tried, if she does refuse your partner will be issued with a form FM1 that he would then submit to court with his application for contact.
Legal Aid is still available for mediation and you can check eligibility here. www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid ....here's a link to the mediation service. www.nfm.org.uk
I think it might help if you both attend a local FNF meeting, you will get help and supporting the dads here that have attended have found it very helpful. Here's a link to the webpage where you can find a meeting close to where you live.
www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support/local-branch-meetings
Good luck!
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
