[Solved] First hearing done - advice please

Heya Tel,

there is no probs submitting and if things are working well you can always amend accordingly.

the only risk is that judge may perceive that you havent completed the course - he will say no increased hours until course completed. If she doesnt attend thats a different matter 🙂

BW

Hi,

I'm perfectly happy to attend the PIP course and hopeful I can actually take something positive from it. But its going to be a long and agonising wait until second hearing in October when it is absolutely clear that my ex has no intention of negotiating or planning an acceptable contact agreement....makes the PIP course seem a complete waste of time to be honest.

Unfortunately the key things is demonstration rather than realisation 🙂

Good luck with it - it may be agonising but there will be good out of it at the end.

What are the current arragements and what would you hope to get from an interim hearing. How old is the child?

On the issue of ground - just explain what has happened, why you want more and why you have not got more and that you are keen to amicably deal with this but despite your best efforts and reasonable behaviour to improve the situation in the children's best interests you are not getting anywhere. I suspect a judge may just defer and say wait until something has changed - but equally if you apply and your ex seen you have applied she may back down and give you the hours. Alternatively if you apply - you potentially have the option to postpone things if they are moving in the right direction following the initiation of the PIP.

BW

Hi what contact are you having now ?

Ex has cut down the contact to just 1 day a week for no particular reason other than it suits her to do so. My application for a contact order was merely re-establishing the contact I had until recently and which was a long-standing informal agreement.
My concern is that I don't want to just have the 1 day a week contact until an order is finally in place as I want my little one to carry on with the routine he has enjoyed for a long time. So I really want an interim order to recognise this in some way.

I and probably most people on this site know what you are going through.

You may wish to submit an interim order in which case and then also state you want to formalise arrangements given the unpredictable contact being decided by your ex.

State that you want to minimise disruption as you want to keep the routine of the kids.

She may want to restore hours without the interim order, but the gamble is that if it ends up going to court you may not get anything (without be pessamistic - and she may want to bring this up in the future that the courts did not feel you should have more contact).

Perhaps start the course, submit the interim, but if things work out it can always be postponed 🙂

BW

Hi, I know the courts have no sense of urgency like we do, there not the ones heart broken.
You know she said she will increase it a few more hours is that to extend your already one day you have, I would take anything she offers right at this time, it’s not you giving in, it’s you seeming to be the obliging one, don’t get in a confrontation with her, don’t allow her to say, if you drop the case you can have another 2 hours etc., you need to play the game. You will get the contact back and overnight stays there’s no reason why you shouldn’t. PIP is a parent class usually run by caffcass , I would say it’s more suitable for parents that haven’t spilt up yet, but if the court has ordered it , go along you never know it might make her think about what her actions are doing to the child , this is not about her it’s about the child . Due to the fact you already have contact I doubt going for an interim contact will be any good, an interim is usually for Dads that have no contact. Try to extend your day with your child it’s a start! I suppose what you could do is go for the PIP then write to the court explaining you have both been and could you bring the court date forward. It seems caffcass recommend PIP and mediation as the way forward to help parents learn to discuss their child, but if it’s all one sided it’s very difficult, you need to do everything that is asked of you.

Hi guys,

Many thanks for the continued advice, all much appreciated and useful. I have a concern that, come the second hearing in October, my ex will make a statement suggesting that because our little one has now settled into the new routine, albeit one imposed on him by her, that this would be unsettling for any new routine to be put in place. Ideally, if an interim contact order can mirror the actual contact I am requesting then by the time of the next hearing he will be back into this routine, as this is what he has been used to for over 2 years.
I am more than a bit sceptical that my ex will take anything positive away from the PIP course and even bother to try to put it into practice, which seems to make it all a bit of a farce. Basically, if she has no intention of increasing the contact that she has cut then what is the point of going on a course to help me facilitate better communication with her?? With the minimal contact I currently have we have a very basic but effective way of passing on information we each need to know about our son, having said that, I am more than happy to attend the course as I realise it is something the court is asking for.

Tel

Hi , at the age of 5 its normal for over night stays, the norm ! is every other weekend and a night or two in the week the week you don't have the child that weekend. I would sort out Christmas , Holidays and any other special days as this takes the control from her. We got asked to do a communication book which we did willingly but after she wrote in it twice she lost it , never to be found again !
Go to the PIP with an open mind I agree she probably wont take anything from it but its been ordered so you must attended.
Its a long game I'm afraid and although really frustrating, the courts see this every day and there not interested in her views , they have guide lines to follow and by October you will be getting overnight stays again, I'm sure of it . I still don't think an interim order at this stage would be helpful , you are getting contact try and get more hours within that contact ..

Thanks ak57. To be honest the reason it didn't even push for an interim order whilst at the first hearing was because I was convinced she would come to her senses, realise that she didn't have any grounds to contest the contact order and certainly no grounds to have suddenly and without warning cut my contact with our son. Given this and the fact that the judge agreed that the 1 day a week I now get ..."needs to be built up", I felt sure my ex would start to agree to give me the access I had with my son. It appears this is not the case and she is unwilling to look at any suggestion and in fact she seems to believe that the court somehow had 'accepted' the contact as is now and that by allowing me an extra few hours mid-week, at her convenience and at the times she dictates, this was all she was required to do!!!

Tel

well more fool her. Do you pay though the csa is this why she stopped over night contact

Seems it may well have been a huge coincidence that first started paying through CSA and her deciding to cut my contact!!!