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Help - don’t know where to turn

New Member Registered

I separated from my ex during Covid and she arranged the divorce on line.  The children originally lived with her whilst I move out and in with my parents.  She already had another partner which I knew nothing about and they lived miles apart over 200 miles.  Fast forward 2 years and I found a property albeit small but allowed me to have the children to stay overnight at the weekend, I arranged to pay the correct child maintenance and she was renting a property close by.  My children told me she was moving away and they would live with me.  I confronted her and she denied this.  Then 2 months later the wheels were put in motion I was told the children would live with me, she was starting her new life 200miles away and the boys wanted to stay here in schools etc.  I tried to stop her but nothing could be done and she said she’d trial it for 5 months.  We are now 18months down she pays no Child maintenance but has no job,  her partner clearly gives her money for petrol etc,  she has fancy holidays and will only have the kids in school holidays.  She says she doesn’t have to pay as she has them half the time and id have to pay her for the time she has them.  I work long hours to provide for them and am exhausted.  What can I do legally?  Can I force her to have them? Is she allowed to abandon them?  Should she pay?  If she’s given money is that classed as an income?  I just don’t know what else to do?  What are my rights?


if this was the other way round people would be telling me I’m a horrible dad for not providing but it seems she gets away with it.

Topic starter Posted : 30/04/2024 9:43 pm
Eminent Member Registered


Sorry that you and the boys are in this position.

do you receive the child benefit for the children since change in circumstance?

Are you making and taking children to all appointments (drs/dentist etc)?

Are children registered at your address for school, drs, dentist etc?

It could be, that in the future, you will need to prove the children are living with you and that you are their primary carer.

you cannot (unfortunately) change another persons behaviour or expect them to change, however unfair the situation is.

Have you support for yourself / friends, family etc that can help during this time?



Posted : 01/05/2024 5:02 pm

top tips to support your child after breakup

Illustrious Member


I think you are in a very fortunate position to have kids living with you. If you have not done so, suggest you claim child benefit for the kids (if you earn over 60k there is a charge - )

As your ex is not working, CMS can not make her pay you any maintenance. If she claims benefits, then you would get £7 a week. Receiving child benefit is very important for CMS purposes. They decide who is primary carer based on that.

Unfortunately not much can be done about making her spend more time with kids. A family court would not make her see the kids if she is not interested.

Posted : 01/05/2024 10:20 pm
Active Member Registered

i agree, you are very lucky to have your kids. i wish i had the same problem.

Posted : 29/05/2024 7:32 pm

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