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I'm applying to the courts for unsupervised access to my son. The contact application has gone to the courts already. Every month that passes I miss more of his growing up - There was no contact at all for his/my 1st fathers day, I wasn't allowed to see him on his 1st birthday, I wasn't told that he could crawl, or that he had more teeth, even that he had a cold.
It's been almost 5 months since she left & she is more than happy to slow the proceedings.
She's replied to my solicitor (eventually, after 4 months), stating that she doesn't agree to allow me unsupervised access.
I don't believe that she will respect the courts decision if it doesn't suit her. So I expect (if I'm granted access) that she won't be in when I go to pick him up. Can anything be set out in the beginning with the courts that she's told that she will have to abide by the ruling? I don't want to be granted access, then having to go back to court for months because she chooses to ignore the verdict?
Since she decided to leave & move 165 miles with our son, I can only see him at her parents home, where I don't feel welcome, for an hour at a time.
We were married long before he was born, but my wife re-found her faith in Islam and claims that she & our son can't be with a non-believer.
I need to spend time with my son away from her and her family's (seemingly innocent, but cruel) statements. Such as:
- He needs his cousins, uncles & aunts more than he needs you (his dad)
- He's much better off with my family
- He's much more happy and settled here
- At least he's got my family's heritage, since to be English just means to be a drunk or a racist
- I like you but my kids will never marry a "gora" (white person)
With comments like that, I don't enjoy seeing my wife when & want to see my son. She's offered to Skype with me so I can see him, but every time she's involved, she gets to twist the knife.
I also don't want him to grow up in a household that thinks that non-Muslims or British people are a lesser form of human. I have Muslim friends that think that her family are evil for the way they treated us when we got married and the way they are with me.
I chose to return to work after 2 strokes last year, whereas she gave up work early in pregnancy and has said that she does plan to work again.
Which means that I got all of the matrimonial debts & have to pay for legal representation. While she bad-mouths the British culture but is happy to accept all benefits and gets legal aid.
It's worth mentioning in passing to the court that you have doubts that she will stick to contact, hopefully a judge will warn her of the consequences of not doing so, but enforcement is, unfortunately, very hit and miss by the courts. Hopefully, your solicitor should be able to add further to this.
I would agree with actd on ensuring the courts know that she is unlikely to follow the order.
When you go to court the judge will look to reinstate contact as soon as possible, this will be their main concern, this may be supervised contact at a contact centre to start with but wont be with your ex present. They may go for unsupervised contact straight away it will just depend on the defence your ex puts up.
I would ensure you talk to cafcas about the racial slurs your ex uses towards you and write to the courts to ensure they know prior to the court case too as this may help then when your ex talks in court.
Hope you get this sorted
Darren
Thank you guys.
I'm not sure what defence she could put up - my stroke consultant is willing to go to court to show that I'm physically & mentally capable of looking after my son. She's said in the past that I wouldn't be allowed unsupervised access as "he needs his mum" and that I could give him alcohol and pork (she said that when he was 5 months old). The only thing she could say it that we're of different religions - by the way, I wouldn't give a baby alcohol.
Having contact at a contact centre would be better than what I get currently. But I would guess that it would be for a limited time and a 5 hour round trip from my home. It would be nice if it was sorted quickly or that it was a contact centre around this area as my family (my parents, my sister, grandmother etc) would like to see him. My grandmother can't cope with the long journey & hasn't seen her only great-grandchild for over 6 months.
It feels unfair that it was my wife that changed, that it was also her choice to leave our home but it's up to me to fight for access when I did nothing wrong. She chose to move, but the court is local to her & I would expect that the contact centre will be.
I guess that even though I work full time & we both have cars, that I will be the one that collects & returns him if the court allows unsupervised access. Or is it normal that the court would say that both parents are responsible?
To bring him back to where he was born will be a 5 hour round trip on a Friday and the same on the Sunday if I can spend weekends with him.
She knows that I'm not rich and to spend around £100 for fuel every weekend I can see him, on top of the maintenance and the matrimonial debts & legal fees will make things very difficult for me - but somehow I'll make it happen.
Hi There,
Unfortunately a judge can't order that your ex brings your child to you and to be fair, would you relay on her to turn up?
I'm not sure on if your consultant would be aloud in court, it would be great if they were but just incase maybe have them wright a statement that you can hand to the judge on the day outlining what he would they would have said had they been there.
A baby does need his mum and that of his siblings nieces and nephews ect, but they also need tohe support and contact with their dad and it's your childs right to have this.
It's worth noting that although a small reduction you are able to claim some expenses through CSA for travel, when I say claim, it's a reduction on what you pay when you spend over a certain amount on travel (£25 a week I believe)
Darren
Hi Darren, and thanks for replying.
The CSA took into account the travel costs and the debts that they can consider - around 2.5% of the maintenance I pay.
I wouldn't expect her to bring him to me, but maybe to take him back to her home. Or even meet part way. She has far more time and disposable money then me.
I agree that a child needs his mother and maybe her family. But what I'm fighting for is the contact of his father too and maybe my family. She believes that her family (not even meaning her) are more important to our son than I am.
I agree that a child needs his mother and maybe her family. But what I'm fighting for is the contact of his father too and maybe my family. She believes that her family (not even meaning her) are more important to our son than I am.
I don't balem you for fighting as it's what is right and should be happening!!
Darren
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