Everytime I go to get my child every other weekend, they spend a long time refusing to come and grabbing mother, this is extremely upsetting and to me a sign of parental alienation beginning again, is there anything I can do?
How old is child? Do you manage to collect child and then spend the weekend? How does the weekend go?
Hello there,
I'm sorry to read that you are currently in a stressful situation when it comes to the handover of your child from their mother. There are a number of factors to consider here, but here's a few suggestions/tips that may help you next handover.
I don't know how old your child is, so if they are young it could be that they have a strong attachment to the main carer and are simply finding the change hard to cope with? If your child is older, then hopefully you can talk with them during the time that they are with you about how they feel and ways you can reassure them that you love them and want to spend quality time with them.
Are you able to video call your child in between visits, even if its for a short while so you can talk about activities you would like to do together, giving something for you to both look forward too.
I don't know how the relationship is with your former partner, but reading between the lines, I'm surmising that it is sometimes challenging. If possible though, it would be good to try and converse with her about how she can encourage your child to look forward to seeing you. The most important person in all this is your child, and their feelings should be addressed.
Some tips:* 1-1 time - a child led time of activity where they choose what activity they would like to do (within your budget and boundaries) even spending 20 mins focused quality time with your child each day makes a huge difference and can often be a time when your child will talk to you about things that are on their mind. Obviously if your child is really young then just playing together and sending time together is what's needed.
*Make something special for their mum to take back home. Your childs mum means a lot to them so why not help them to make a little gift for them.
*Handover time - have a favourite soft toy, comforter or toy that you can give your child for when they see you. It will be familiar to them and something that you can keep at your home and "look after".
I hope that some of this long message is useful for you, remember you are your childs dad, and you love them as much as their Mum. Try to speak only positively about their Mum in front of them. Don't give up, when you meet your child be as cheerful as you can be and perhaps have a plan of an activity you're going to do straightaway so your child has something else to focus on.
I wish you all the very best,
Fegans PSV
@Daddyup Weekends are fine once child is with me and away from the other party, they go back to being themself.
@clarinet child is age four, it is starting to show that they are being told stuff about their time here and how they only have fun when they are not here and I am sure this will be more clear as they grow up and can express themselves more.
Due to the complications of the situation and the child not being allowed to speak freely and always looking around the room to answer anything I ask about their day or whatever they are not allowed to enjoy the video calls I had to put a stop to them. I wish I could explain more the situation but it's something that is so specific and I don't want to put too much on here as I am sure you can understand. There is a pattern in which the ex suddenly stops contact to suit her new lifestyle or partner or whatever it may be and it seems to be coming to that situation again.
@justlookingforjustice I would say focus on that, ensuring that time with you is stable, secure, enjoyable etc... Children will know what's what as they get older. After they do come to you. Based on what you are saying it is difficult to tell if it is PA and not separation anxiety, especially if they are fine once with you.
Maybe others, more experienced can advise.
All the best..
@Daddyup this would be possible due to ex's "anxiety" that has suddenly occurred since I applied to court and them making the child feel bad for coming here, saying things like, "you should be at home with me" are common phrases she says to the child in front of me.
Hello, thank you for replying and for being open about your situation. I appreciate you can’t share too much, just want to wish you well and hope that something positive can be worked out. Please keep talking to someone you can trust so that you are looking after your own mental health through all this. Take care 😊