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Hi guys......Its been quite a while since I’ve posted on here, in Feb this year after 18mths of fighting the ex I finally was awarded a contact order, not quite the amount of time I wanted with my little boy but as she’d kept him out my life and not let me see him regularly for almost 18mths I understood it would take small steps.
So contact was to start with 6 weekly contacts of 3hrs at a contact centre….again not what I wanted but what she insisted despite there being no welfare issues by the courts, her or the CAFCASS people….everyone except her was agreeing that I am the truthful guy I am.
The contact centres dragged on due to the ex not turning up a couple of times…..then in July the judge said contact should be away from the centre and for 3 Saturdays it went well, she made me change one to a Sunday….so I’ve been flexible as I always have been just so I get to see my little boy.
Well…..last contact with my little boy was 11th Aug….since then the ex has made him ring me to tell me he not coming….he has no excuse other than he doesn’t want to.
He says in front of the ex that he enjoys the time he’s with me and that we do fun stuff but he not coming cos he doesn’t have to….no excuse….no reason just that!
I try pleading with him, I try saying we can go here, there do this, do that….all things I know he likes but when he’s with the ex there is no way of changing his mind
I just don’t know what else to try, he’s 5 on Monday and Its looking like another birthday I’ll not be seeing him….i’ve prepared a letter to send off to the judge on Monday if I don’t see him again….but what else can I do?
How will the courts help me get my son to start coming again if the ex not prepared to make him or tell him he has to see daddy
If I can just get him away from her he’s OK….he always has been but its his now clinginess to her that is stopping me again what can I do to break that and so he needs me too?
Just to clarify a couple of things….i left her in Dec 2009, she married a fella she’s known 15mths in dec 2011, and has just had his baby this last weekend!!! That’s the sort of ex I have!!! a very manipulative controlling woman with a very set game plan!!! I feel sorry for the guy she married….cos if he doesn’t do everything her way when she says he’ll be trying to work out 15% of his wages too!!! lol
Hi there,
Seems a shame he is telling you he doesn't want to come especially when he has full. When he does come,
Have you got the option of talking to him between visits? Maybe if you did you could build up what you were going to do so he starts to look forward to seeing you and doing fun things rather than deciding he doesn't want to and then having to be convinced he should.
I know you shouldn't have too do the whole carrot and stick trick but if he can get into a routine of coming it may be easier.
The only other option is going back to court for an enforcement order.
Darren
She (the Ex) won't let me speak with him other than the days i'm supposed to be seeing him and thats for him to tell me he not going....dangling th ecarrot certainly been tried by me an all i get is a mouthfull of abuse fromt he ex about she doesn't like my attempts at bribery of her son! she never calls him ours!
We'll see what this saturday brings....but if i don't see him then the letter i've already written out will be posted off first thing monday....his birthday
🙁
Hi
It's fairly plain, and hopefully will be to a judge, that your ex is manipulating your son. Actually, he does have to come - it's not his choice, at his age, the court are making those decisions for him. Your ex is bound by the contact order to have your son ready for contact at the agreed time so I would certainly tell your ex that you are prepared to go back to court to get the order enforced.
I agree with ACTD. It's clear that she's manipulating your child into making these statements. It's a clear attempt at parental alienation.
I don't think you have any choice other than to apply for an enforcement order. I would hope that the court would look at the history of this case and take a firmer stance with the mother.
You shouldn't have to go through this, but try and keep positive. The relationship with your son is worth the fight and you'll always have our support 🙂
FM '70
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