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I'm stuck on where to go next, need advice, on child arangment.

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Hi, not sure if this is the right section but I'm struggling on where to go for help and advice.

Basically me and my ex partner have 2 children together, been split for 4 and a half years.

At the beginning, I had my 2 girls, each and every weekend, paying well over the going rate in child maintenance (as I was naïve) after her demanding I pay that much, the year past and I needed some time for myself and switched it to 2 weekends and 1 off, another year went on with her arguing and demands, I ended up having them every Sunday night until Tuesday evening after tea and on top of that every other weekend. which I have done for the past year or more.

agreements on times were quite vague at the beginning, but over time, we had agreed on specific times.

from then on she never stuck to those times, sometimes never being there, only to turn up an hour later, the kids never being ready and having to wait 30mins while she got them sorted, changing the times of me dropping them off late, then turning it around on me later on when I stuck to those times, that I was bringing them back to late.


I've been in a relationship with my fiancée for 18months now, (spent lockdown together, risky I know but it turned out to be the best thing we ever did) we've now had a child together and with my 2 and our new little one, with her other children are a strong good family unit, my children and I have fitted in amazingly and I feel that my ex partner is jealous of what we have made, (even though she got into a relationship the same month we split up, but hasn't truly moved on within her relationship) I feel what has happened has been brewing for a long time.


It came to a head on Friday night. I feed my children friday night tea, so the arrangement was that I pick them up from her house after my daughter has gymnastics at around 5 30 - 6pm. phone had died as I work full time and use my phone for work. I arrived at 6pm, just to give them time to get sorted, only to find that they wasn't there, turns out she took it upon herself to mess me about and take them for desserts, knowing full well tea for my whole family has been moved up in time to accommodate when mine come. they didn't arrive back until 7pm. 

The Saturday came and she rang me lunch time, basically telling me that my eldest had a party that evening and she would be going. 

I said listen this is the first time you are telling me this, you've gave me 0 notice and it is my weekend, I've messed up the plans for today already due to work commitments and that we as a family are going out tonight to celebrate, my step sons birthday and she couldn't go, because we was doing a family evening out. more phone calls constantly so I blocked her. she used her partners phone to contact me and I told her again, no, she doesn't know about this party, so she won't even know she missed it and shes with her family anyway and it's my time.

That was left and I carried on the day, 6pm came around and we was having tea, there was a knock at the door and it was the ex partner,  f'ing and blinding, I want my child, pushed my partner while she had our baby in her hands, I managed to get my ex outside and stated facts, ( this was the 3rd time she had come to the door, this final time she had brought her partner. she was having non of it. all of the children were distraught at this point in the house and I had no other option to hand over my 2 children. I basically had my kids snatched from me. 

So now I'm now at my last resort. I want to have my child arrangement's in black and white, legally binding so she can't keep messing me around and my children and at the same time keeping our new family unit safe from her in the future. 

Does anyone know what the best method going forward is? 

I know this is not the most extreme of circumstances, talking just isn't working for her, so this is my only option.

Would it be best to get a solicitor's letter out to her with my arrangments and then go from there.

I honestly don't know what the process is for us as the dad, just to get some stability.

Sorry for the long post, just needed to get it off my chest.


Topic starter Posted : 20/07/2021 1:57 pm
Trusted Member Registered

Sorry things seem to have got a bit messy for you. You can apply to the courts to get an agreement in place, but they would suggest you attempt medication first. 

it sounded like you had a decent amount of contact with your kids to start with. But you would need to apply a c100 form to get a court agreement in place. I would hope your ex will not make this difficult for you and try and reduce your contact with them? 

I would suggest opening a case with CMS and pay what maintenance that way and the correct amount too. 

Posted : 20/07/2021 2:17 pm

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I wouldn't recommend going to solicitor. Before you know it, you will have spent hundreds before anything has really happened.

If you want legally binding agreement, then first book a MIAM appointment with a mediator. (£100 usually).Would recommend mediateuk. If they decide to invite your ex for talks, then you may be able to sort out a consent order, without having to attend court hearings. If that fails then they give you permission to apply to court with a c100 form. (Costs £215).

Posted : 20/07/2021 6:49 pm
Active Member Registered


Thanks for the advice, I wouldn't go down the solicitors route but because its more of a trying to show im serious and have the times locked down and also want to make sure she can't show up here again, the other children in the house are still scared when someone knocks on. My partner doesn't want her near the house.

And because its not truly a case of her not letting me have them (or it wasn't)

I thought a solicitors letter may just scare enough into obeying the times stated in black and white, before I go to mediation. 

A one off payment to a solicitor for a letter wont break my bank to much. But I may look into it (I have a solicitor who deals with my family business so may get a discount). 

Thankyou for letting me know the process, ive never really stood up for myself against ive always just given in, due to not having a commitment like another partner before.

Topic starter Posted : 21/07/2021 8:49 am

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