[Solved] Lost contact with my daughter need to go legal

Right…..first things first….check out the guide at the top of the Legal Section regarding self representing….this gave some excellent advice and as you do start the process then you will grow in confidence too.

Try and keep records of any incidents or threats where your ex or her partner have been abusive towards you.

If you have texts/emails/letters from them then keep records they will be handy for evidence in defending any accusations they may now start to throw at you.

If you have to talk face to face then always take someone with you.

Take a look at the court order application for the Contact Order at the top of the Legal section, this will help you fill out the relevant forms etc…

It can be done successfully on your own without a solicitor…..many on here have and are doing so.

Just remember you have to be 110% truthful and honest…..the liars will be found out in court….and anything they throw at you without proof and evidence is simply “he said – she said” and the judges do know that a bitter ex will try anything….if you can prove anything with statements, letters, texts, emails….police notes etc… etc…. then you will be fine.

I’m not going to say it’ll all be over in a few months cos it may not be…….it could take a year…two…three or more depending on how the ex plays it……for me its been 2,½ yrs since I took legal action…..i have seen my little one over that time but its been sporadic and only when the courts have given her a b*ll*cking for breaking contacts.

Never give up hope and the guys n girls on here are here to help and also to listen if you just need to vent off.

Thanks for taking the time to reply its much appreciated. A couple of things i have got evidence wise i dont know if they would be admissable? One is the fact i recorded her on my visit the day after boxing day as she said i am aggressive towards her etc.. so i recorded her secretly on my phone in my pocket.. chatting away to me nice and pie as she often does when she is trying to get her own way etc... and actually its a vital piece of evidence as she states on the visit at the end of jan it hadnt been arranged.... yet on this recording you can clearly hear me saying that i will have my daughter for the next four weekends which takes it to the end of jan... and she agrees to it.... as it was it snowed and i only got to see her that once as i live in the hills and the roads get closed off... so would i be able to use that in court to defend myself? and also i have some pretty weird stuff she has written about my daughter my wife found on facebook that she wrote when my daughter was only 5 saying stuff like she runs with the wild boys and knows how to work ppl.. our daughter was only five!!!! My ex is a strange one for sure as i say, but can fb comments be used to show her in her true colours like this?

Any advice again much appreciated thanks!

As far as I know, the recording should be OK, I think it's the telecommunication act which covers recording phone conversations, so that's not relevant. However, the best thing is probably to transcribe the conversation anyway and put it as part of your statement - and certainly any evidence from facebook, as long as legally obtained (ie not hacking her accout) is fine.

Hi there 🙂

Were you issued with the form FM1 from the Mediation Service? This is a form that tells the court that Mediation was attempted but was unsucessful because of your ex's refusal to attend. You would submit this with the C100 form to apply for a Contact Order.

As Dad-i-d says there are two stickys at the top of the Legal Eagle section that would be helpful for you. "Contact Order C100 Guide" which explains how to fill in the C100 form and has some useful info about that, and "Guide to Representing Yourself in Court" which talks more about the court process and also gives an example of a Position Statement which is a statement you would need to write for the court, this should contain a brief history of you situation, your concerns and your requests to the court.

There are quite a few Dads here that have chosen the self representation route so you will get plenty of help and support if you choose to go ahead.

In my opinion you have a good case to get contact reinstated and increased. Her refusal to attend Mediation, the fact that you were having overnight contact that has been stopped suddenly for no reason, the threats made against you which can be evidenced by the police as they will have logged it. You can bring up the fact that they didnt seek your permission to allow her husband to apply for PR.

Your daughter might be interviewed by CAFCASS or Childrens Services, especially if you tell them about the statements that your daughter comes out with about hating you etc.

I appreciate how daunting the prospect of court must be for you, but believe me you will find the strength because its for the very best of reasons, your little girl needs you in her life. 🙂

Thanks for your advice. I have been a push over with my ex and could kick myself that i let her instigate everything.. when we split up until i met my wife, i had to take her and her son from her marriage, along with my daughter out every time i collected my daughter and we all went round to the museum and macdonalds etc, as she said i still had to have input in her sons life.. .why? god knows as he was back with his dad and it just confused the kid and no doubt my daughter. When my wife came along she convinced me how controlling this was and now i was losing four hours of my access visit and paying for the pleasure as i paid for the outings.... so i asked could it be stopped... her reply was it would take a year to gradually tale it off so her son could get used to not seeing me... but the following weekend she just turned round and said to take our daughter straight off.. so obviously her son wasnt that bothered. When we split she already had an unofficial 'contract' i had to sign about visitation etc... which she has gone back on on every count... i am wondering if i show this to the court they will see how conniving she is?

I was issued with an FM1 form thats when the solicitor said to apply for legal aid to go to court but the way its going legal aid will be a nono and then i cant afford his services any more hence my need to go and represent myself... i am the type of guy who forgets my own name under pressure so the thought of trying to remember all this or to even think of where to look in a massive file of paperwork no matter how organised its been filed.. it makes my feel sick... i am so scared of stuffing it up!

Thanks for your advice. I have been a push over with my ex and could kick myself that i let her instigate everything.. when we split up until i met my wife, i had to take her and her son from her marriage, along with my daughter out every time i collected my daughter and we all went round to the museum and macdonalds etc, as she said i still had to have input in her sons life.. .why? god knows as he was back with his dad and it just confused the kid and no doubt my daughter. When my wife came along she convinced me how controlling this was and now i was losing four hours of my access visit and paying for the pleasure as i paid for the outings.... so i asked could it be stopped... her reply was it would take a year to gradually tale it off so her son could get used to not seeing me... but the following weekend she just turned round and said to take our daughter straight off.. so obviously her son wasnt that bothered. When we split she already had an unofficial 'contract' i had to sign about visitation etc... which she has gone back on on every count... i am wondering if i show this to the court they will see how conniving she is?

...Theres no reason why you cant show the "contract" she made you sign and then went back on. Although its not a legally binding document it will show her unreliablity.

Please try not to panic about Court, its very doable and preparation is key. The court knows you are inexperienced and nervous! If you really cant cope with the idea you might like to think about using a McKenzie friend. This is a person that will attend court with you, sit in on meetings with the other sides solicitor and CAFCASS with you, and help out with organizing your paperwork and can sit in court with you and remind you of things and keep everything in order for you. They cant speak for you but they can give you prompts. Most McKenzie Friends charge a relatively small fee to cover their expenses but there are volunteer MFs, if you talk to the Citizens Advice Bureau they may have a list of volunteers in your area.

I havent heard of these Mackenzie friends so i will look them up when i finish my current shifts on Tuesday and see if they operate in my area which is a bit remote and off the beaten track as it were but fingers crossed i can find somebody. Thanks for your advice it is giving me some hope that i might just be able to see my little girl again and get proper access sorted for the first time ever!

As NJ has said…..Preparation is the key!!!

When I ran out of money to pay horrendous legal fees I was faced with two options…..Give up or try and fight on myself.
I found this site before I dumped the solicitor and found the guys & girls her very helpful, we all have gone through or are going through similar things here and all have areas we can relate to and offer advice from what we have gone through.

The filing and getting the information together is just like preparing for an exam or writing and essay….although for me my exam days were over 20yrs ago.

I’m sure this is covered in the Self Representation section………
Make a file or several files and Break them down in to sections.

• Court papers
• Your statement and notes.
• Evidence/proof to support your statements
• Her statement
• Your defence of her statement
• Evidence to support your defence of her statements
• Any other information

As you go through this you will need to add to these bundles and you should make them easy to find.

I used file dividers and different coloured “Stick-it notes” to help me find the pages I needed quickly.

Before court prepare what you want to address. I’m not sure of the word for it but a list in chronological order to work your way through….keep this in front of you and use it to keep yourself on track….i crossed them off as I went through mine so I knew where I was….cos some of them were addressed by the judge at different times to what I had thought.

That is very very helpful as I hadnt thought of how to even begin to file the paperwork, I know she is going to say I have pestered and harrassed her as thats what her reasons are for stopping contact and the fact i was supposedly aggressive in this altercation too which as i have said i was the one who made the complaint so how she can prove this in court i dont know. How she can show i am harrassing her is another one she will find hard as i have never sent a nasty text or even had that many arguments with her face to face.. probably two heated discussions ever, i was always the one to keep the peace. So her evidence will prove interesting. She makes claims like we lock my 17 year old stepson in his room and that my daughter is forced to share a room with him as we dont have a room for her... both total lies so i have got photos of my daughters room at the old house and having just moved the room here she is yet to see that i cant bear to go into as her being the only girl, having two stepsons now, its all girly and i cant stand to go in atm as i miss her so much. One question is....How long does it take to actually get to court once you file for it and whats the cost round about if I do just represent myself does anybody know? I am so glad I found this forum its been a godsend to me!

As far as the judge in my case was concerned texts between people are just like a conversation….in the heat of the moment we all say things that we probably shouldn’t….in the “context” of the conversation and with what you have to put up with (i.e. not seeing your child) its easy to prove it was just that….emotions etc…
She can claim its harassing but any judge will see its not! I had my ex actually contact the police over 4 text messages sent over 3 days not about her or my child but me passing a message on from the estate agents who couldn’t contact her to arrange a viewing!!!
The police came around all “up in my face” accusing me of harassing the ex……..once they saw I had records of every text sent/received and the history of court orders being broken etc…etc… they soon withdrew the harassment and went to speak with her about using the police to harass me! basically wasting police time!
All this was great evidence for me in court! (thank you ex!!!)

Can I just say….don’t all Teenagers want privacy and lock themselves in their bedrooms???? LOL
The courts won’t buy that you lock them in the same room….its her getting desperate to find anything to prevent you seeing your child without her controlling the situation!

Time scale…..depends from court to court (how busy they are) but once you’ve applied you should get a first directions hearing usually 15-30mins…..if no agreement can be reached then it’ll be scheduled for a further hearing to hear the full reasons why contact is being prevented and why it should resume.

All I ever see in these things is…..Control, Control, Control……..its all about the ex keeping control over you!

Yes i must admit i found it funny when her solicitor wrote that we lock my stepson in his room... as if he wouldnt have told fb and the world and climbed out of the window had he chosen too.. we cant get him out of there most days never mind force him in lol. I cant even begin to think what rubbish my ex will raise in court but i am pretty certain i can refute most if not all of it as like i say i am a peaceful guy and have always done as i was ordered by her. I guess I will find out hopefully sooner rather than later and can then set about disclaiming everything she throws at me!

Never underestimate your ex....i did to start with and tried to reason with her only to find me doing that was making her actions worse....you only have to read some of the posts on here to realise how scarily similar a lot of us dads are getting it!
it's like the ex's are getting coaching as to how best to make us pay for leaving them! if you see the things that some of the anti-male, men-hating, anti-fathers sites out there put you can see where they get some of their coaching from!

at least here people are constructive rather than coaching someone to be obstructive!!!

the thing is she left me to go back to her husband....so its not like i even asked for it... but soon as the husband took over my daughters care that was it they tried to elbow me out of her life... shes even said in the letter from her solicitor that her husband was called dad from birth.. well seeing as we raised her together till she was 18 months old and i have cards that show my ex calling me daddy in her hand writing shes going to have a hard job in court proving that one... yep i hear they all sing from the same songsheet as it were its frightening..... she tried to tell my wife that i 'forced' her for a month to get her pregnant to which my wife laughed and told her anybody can see i am not that type of bloke.. so i daresay she will try anything in court if she thinks it will stick!