[Solved] Mediation round 2.

It's the mediators job to remain neutral so I doubt they will take your side, they will try and negotiate more time for you but they may not give an opinion about her unreasonable behaviour.

If she won't budge and no agreement is reached that you are both happy with then the forms will be signed so that you can apply to court.

I think this post will be better served if I move it to the a legal Eagle section.

Thanks Mojo,

Sorry wasn't too sure which was best board for it to be posted on, so thanks for moving it.

I understand mediators are there to be mutual. What sort of time with my son do you think i should be putting forward as reasonable? same with court really...Do i ask for more than i expect, only to come down with compromise?

...no worries.

As your son is still a baby then contact should be in short, frequent bursts, is she still breastfeeding?

It would be a good idea to put together a schedule of increasing contact.

I'm guessing that you don't have your son without the mother being present? If that's the case then I think you should introduce unsupervised contact, either picking up from her home or in a public place, whichever you can agree upon. Your son will be used to you and I think it's reasonable to expect it to progress to the next stage now.

I would certainly ask for more than you would be happy with, ....you can even suggest you have him whilst she attends church.

Perhaps start with 2 hours on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, unsupervised for 3 months. Increasing the Saturday contact to a full morning or afternoon for a further 3months. Next step is to increase to a full day on Saturday......and so on.

Have a look at the CAFCASS Parenting Plan, this would be a good way to get some comprehensive agreements on all aspects of co parenting.

http://www.dad.info/forum/legal-eagle/38959-cafcass-parenting-plan

Good luck

Sorry for slow reply, I've been working away.

She is still breastfeeding to my knowledge...however he is on jarred food.

I will put forward a schedule similar to what you are suggesting. I've read in several different places that a baby should have short frequent 'bursts' with the fathers.
The mother is saying I can only see on the weekend because seeing him on a week night means him not getting to bed at 6/7. So i'm guessing she'll be able to use that in mediation/court.

Just another quick question regarding maintenance. I'm paying £XX per week...(recently changed jobs and had to take large pay cut) It isn't lots but it's what I can afford and more than what the calculator says I should be paying. However she's saying it isn't enough as she needs to buy him a new cot etc and i should be pay for big purchases (I've not given her any extra money and this is why she's cut my time seeing him).

*edited* removed costs.

Hi there

Maintenance and contact are two entirely separate issues and she shouldn't be using your child as a bargaining tool to get more from you.

If you have calculated the amount you should be paying then you are not liable to pay any extra over and above that.... if you do they are purely discretionary...don't forget that she gets child benefit and tax credits on top of any benefits she receives. I'm sure, had your relationship with the mother not been so fractious, you would probably be more than happy to contribute to extras.

Thank you for for that. I do keep forgetting that shes getting other benefits.

Just another question regarding mediation.

It's been moved until early July. Last night we had an argument over text (which is the the greatest idea). The argument was because I couldn't make it to the next meeting due to work commitments however she didn't want to rearrange to when i could because she was 'busy'.

She said that she was trying her hardest to insure our son saw me enough (currently an hour a week) and that until he is older there would be no change. I told her that this wasn't in his best interest and that I would like to see him more as it's what is best for him. She said she couldn't make any other times because shes too busy and doesn't want to disrupt his routine as it's whats best for his health.

What do you think mediation will see to this? I under stand that a baby needs a routine etc but surely the child needs to see his father more than 4 to 6 hours a month in a shop/restaurant.

She has not said she won't contact me and any communication will have to be done through her father as she can't take it anymore (this woman is 27 years old).
However having spoke to another family member who is seeing it all from my point of view...he is saying that they are playing a game and he wont contact me, and should be classes as deliberate lack of compliance and cooperation.

I'm worried that mediation will overlook all this and i'll end up with either less or what i'm currently on.

Mediators are there to facilitate discussion between you both, a good mediator will remain neutral whilst trying to get you to make a agreement. There is no law that says you have to reach agreement in Mediation and if you are unhappy with what is being offered then you can say so and ask the mediator to sign the application form to enable you to apply to court....it's highly unlikely that a court would consider 4-6 hours a month as appropriate.

You must be very careful now she has stated that she doesn't want you to communicate directly with her. If you do she can claim harassment and you may find yourself with a non molestation order.

Do as she asks and communicate through her father, it's not ideal but better than having an injunction placed against you which would slow down any court application for more contact.

Thanks Mojo (again!)

I'm struggling to work out what is an acceptable/appropriate amount of time? I've never been able to put my son to bed or even give him a bath.

...4-6 months a week is more appropriate IMO, given your childs age, and even that is on the low side.

I mentioned a schedule in my previous post, I think it's a good starting point and if you propose a schedule of increasing contact it shows that you are thoughtful to both your child and your ex needs .

I'm struggling to work out what is an acceptable/appropriate amount of time? I've never been able to put my son to bed or even give him a bath.

Hi, It's always difficult to work out what is acceptable when contact is being discussed...no formula I'm afraid.
If mediation is not working or CM not agreeing to additional contact then get the mediator to fill in the form and head to the court.

Agree with Mojo, 4-6 hours a month is way too little to build up a bonding relationship plus cancelling on you is awful.
The court may most likely ramp that up - but as Mojo says be careful not to push CM too much that you end up with a court order before you submit yours.

How old is your baby now?