Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: We are not open to new posts at this time
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi
As a responsible husband and loving farther of 2 young girls. I have had nothing but grief from my mother in law in less than 2 years I've been married and have 2 girls, 1 almost 3 and the other almost 1.
The problem is, my mother in law is a stay at home child minder and a successful and admittedly a good one.
I work full time 5 days a week all day and every day and lucky enough to provide for my wife just about comfortably so she doesn't have to work. when I get in I cook, clean, iron and make the most of my kids at weekends. So to hear that I am not a responsible dad and don't do any of the 'big jobs' is a little confusing and neither can really explain.
To add, My wife had 2 very bad births that has left her with serious lady issues still to this day that has left her very self conscious and with along managing 2 young energetic kids and the usual sleep degradation, in my opinion and that of mutual friends is a little depressed.
To cut a long story short, my mother is law is trying to split my wife and I up. She's paying for legal costs and i got a just solicitors letter asking for a divorce on the grounds of my 'behavior'. Obviously I will not agree to that and realistically, doesn't have any grounds for divorce. I can clearly show that I have done so much for this family and am fighting to keep it together.
Just to add, my mother and farther in law both live together, but as separate lives. They dislike each other that much they don't share a bedroom or sit in the same living room when alone. The father has often had affairs and when found out and admitted it and resulted in sleeping on my sofa on a couple of occasions. He has asked for a divorce and offered the house but she said no as she didn't want to be on her own. It was only a couple of years back that my wife never talked to her mother and admitted to me that she was never loved by her mother and avoided her.
So, for her to give marital advice to my wife is a little surprising and very annoying.
I have told my wife, still every day that i love her and kept this whole situation respectable and unlike my wife, taken a step back to look at things to realise its all coming from her mother. The Mother in law wants my wife to divorce me and for her and my 2 kids to move in with them. She lives a 30 minute drive away and doesn't drive and only gets to see them, her only grand kids, once a week. Unfortunately, my wife is slowly turning in to her mother in law but i can deal with that and am also seeking medical advise for light depression.
My question to you all is, can I get a restraining order or something legal to stop her seeing me and my kids? What legal right do I have?. Obviously, I cannot stop my wife seeing her mother but as a dad, can i legally stop my kids seeing this vicious woman?
Has anyone ever heard of a situation like this and any advise is appreciated.
Regards
SD
I don't think there is anything legally you can to to stop your mother-in-law from seeing your children - anything you say in court would almost certainly be disputed by your wife, and unless there is a serious risk of harm to your children, then they aren't going to impose any restrictions.
I would personally try to get your wife along to see Relate to see if the marriage can be saved. Ultimately, you cannot refuse a divorce as your wife can simply move out and go for separation or irreconcilable differences, so trying to get the marriage back to something you both like is the best option. It may also involve discussions with your m-i-l to see if there is any compromise to be had there as well.
Are you both still living together or separated? Has she spoken to you direct about getting a divorce? Have you discussed the letter you received with her?
I agree you should go to Relate, if your wife has certain issues and a possibility of depression, none of this will be helping her, but good on getting her to see her GP.
If it does fall down to divorce, there is one ground for divorce Irretrievable breakdown based on one of five facts, adultery, behaviour, 2 years separation with consent, 2 year desertion and 5 years separation without consent.
If she uses behaviour there is no point in fighting a Petition or defending it, as it will cost too much money, unfortunately, but what you do say is that you will agree but if any allegations are raised in financial matters they will be defended. that's just a very brief description for now!
As for mother-in-law, I agree with Actd, there is no point in stopping her from seeing you or the children because your wife will support her. However I suppose a concern is whether any of the animosity she is showing is telling on the kids.
Good for you on stepping back too. Don't go too far though, you have told her how you feel about her and handled it right.
EnyaM - have they made divorce a bit harder in the last few years? I didn't realise about the 5 year separation without consent - that's a lot of lifetime to have to endure if you can't get agreement, though I suspect that behaviour is the easy option.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
