Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: We are not open to new posts at this time
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
I have 2 daughters 15 (M) in August & 14 (E) in September.Bar a coulpe of hours have not properly seen the youngest since Xmas 2011.My eldest I see regularly (except when overridden by their mother).
M has often expressed desire to be resident with me.
Last weekend their mother reported their neighbour for kidnapping M - she was going shopping with her classmate & friend Emma for a School trip to France!
The mothers had been friends for quite some time but their was a fall out a while ago - I am unaware of the details.
This (amongst many other things) has prompted M to want to live me full time.
They are currently resident with their mother but are at boarding School.
This is not a fad as M has become increasing unhappy at the way that her mother treats her.
I would like guidance as M does not wish to live with her mother although I would think she may like to visit as per my fortnightly arrangements or to suit her wishes at the time.
I do not wish to let M down & would be most grateful as to how I should approach this.
Your comments/thoughts/guidance would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
msk61
Hi there 🙂
This is a difficult situation and I understand your desire to support your eldest daughter. She is of an age where her wishes would carry weight if this were to end up in court...however courts are loathe to separate siblings and this could be a stumbling block. There can be lots of arguements and disagreements with children of this age, especially girls and their mothers! Raging hormones play a big part!
I think the best option for you would be to try Mediation or even Relate, both of these organizations offer child inclusive services.
With mediation you would get the opportunity to discuss the problems and issues together, with your daughter present if possible, get things out in the open, and with the guidance of a trained Mediator reach agreement. Alternatively Relate are very experienced at dealing with family problems and can provide counselling, and again your daughter can be involved witn this. Heres the link to both websites -
www.nfm.org.uk
www.relate.org.uk
Best of luck 🙂
in a year, your older daughter is going to be able to walk out from her mother and come to live with you anyway without your ex being able to do anything about it - realistically, if she 'ran away' from home and presented herself on your doorstep, the police are very unlikely to return her to her mother if she makes it clear that she won't go back (or will run away again).
However, as NJ points out, even forgetting the court, what effect is this going to have on your youngest daughter if M leaves home? You haven't said what E thinks of living with her mother - is that where she wants to be, and is the lack of contact her choice (she's at an age where friends can be more interesting than parents) or is it your ex preventing contact?
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
