[Solved] well,where do i start??????

Hi first, if I was you I would make a claim to the csa for the child you have living with you You get his child benefit so you are entitled to do so . Her claim for the two is separate for the claim you should make for your one
I was always under the impression the hearing would be nearest the court the child lives but as you have gone for residency for all 3 maybe that's the reason they have moved it to Wales I think if you had just done it for the 4 year old it would be where you live . Do your other children want to live with you, how old are they ?
Its a shame it has come to this. I would say try mediation but as you have stated drink and drugs are involved. The court will order a drug test at the first hearing you may well have to do one as well if she plays dirty.
You can go to court by yourself with out a solicitor, this is going to be a lengthy case by the sounds of it and will cost thousands but many a Dad have done this with success.

The eldest is 10 and the middle child is 6,both have expressed a wish to reside with me whilst in the presence of the social worker after the first abduction attempt,I was told I would have to pay for the drugs test?,is this true?,they can test me all they like I don't touch anything of the sort,this is the hardest thing I've known,miss my boys like mad and she's using them to get to me now.

Hi there 🙂

...If she has Legal Aid then you could ask the court to rule that her side pay for the testing, they might, they might not... but if you bring it up and cite financial reasons they might play ball, its worth a try!

If I were you I would start a diary and keep a record of everything, keep copies of all correspondence from the various agencies and also from her...transcribe any texts you have from her too.

The same laws apply in Wales as in England, so whatever court you appear at you should get the same response...that said its all about the calibre of judge you get on the day and some of them do seem to show a bias towards the mother....dont let that worry you though as it seems that with Social Services and the police backing you, it looks favourable.

Have you had a letter from CAFCASS about doing a report for court, with the issues involved in your case this is likely. Talk to them about your concerns about drink and drugs and the childrens wishes...try not to bad mouth the mother and speak from the childrens perspective and what is best for them.

As ak57 says, you are entitled to CSA from the mother for the child thats with you but as she is on benefits this will be a flat rate of £5pw which I think is rising to £10 in the near future. There is a sticky which you can find at the top of the Child Maintenance section called "How does the CSA calculate payments" this links to a CSA leaflet that explains payments in more depth and might be helpful.

I don't think she has legal aid but I'm not 100% on that,I've kept a diary of every event,every phone conversation all correspondence from all agencies involved,cafcass have sent a letter regarding the report,enclosed copys for the two eldest to read too?,I think I'm in a good position as her behavior in front of the childrens services team was disgusting to be honest,called them useless #@$%& and really didnt do herself any favours,she was threatened with a child protection order if she tried another abduction,however this is all very new to me and to be honest completely terrifying,as I've read courts, judges even social services can be funny things and don't always get it right.

Courts don't like to split children up if they can help it. The fact that mother gave you the youngest child is in your favour and the Courts will listen to that, the fact that your other two are 10 and 6, will be taken into account, CAFCASS will listen to what they have to say. I hope you told CAFCASS and the Courts that Social Services have been involved too, as that is important. If the two older children have expressed the wish to live you with I think you will be fine - especially if CAFCASS and Social Services back you up.

If she has the issue with drugs and alcohol you may be asked to contribute towards the costs of testing,. If she has legal aid, which I assume not, Legal Aid would pay for it, but if she doesn't have legal aid I don't know what will happen. I doubt very much the Courts will order it, they cant make you pay what you don't have, unless the Courts get Social services to pay for it and again, with the cuts, I doubt that that will happen either! Whether they take notice of the experts like CAFCASS, Social services or even ask for GP records I really don't know!

If SS and CAFCASS back you up, I doubt they will order alcohol and/or drug testing.

my partner and i have a daughter of 18 months. Do they take into consideration that this is also a family unit and hes already been split from his brothers, are they likely to then split him from his sister or do they not consider that with her having a different mother??

...I'm sure it will be taken into account, just because his sister has a different mother, she will still be considered as an important part of his life.

There are a lot of factors that will go in your favour, I doubt very much that they will take your youngest away from you and if the two older children have expressed their wish to be with you, taken alongside the mothers issues with drugs etc...the stance the police and SS are taking,then its all hopeful.

You're right of course, theres no second guessing the outcome and they do get it wrong sometimes, but its better to be positive, rather than dwelingl on the off chance that all of the evidence will be ignored! 🙂

Nannyjane's right, they will take all the family into account and as I said the fact that she gave the youngest to you a while back because she could not cope with him, and the other two choose to live with you are all factors in your favour, and that it is better to think positive.

well,its been a while since i was last on here so just thought i would keep you guys updated,we had our first court hearing at the end of june,in which i was given PR for my eldest boy,a good contact order for the two older boys and a prohibited steps order preventing the removal of the youngest from my care,the judge asked for a section 7 report to be done by cafcass,this has been ongoing and we had our last visit today,we are back in court for directions hearing on the 17 of this month,however,the cafcass officer told me today that the two eldest have not expressed a wish to reside with me but the youngest has,she said her advice to the court would be that the situation remains as it is but will full orders not interim,i have agreed with her advice however the EX refused her advice and said shes taking it to a final hearing????,im yet to read the full report,my solicitor has said that legal aid doesnt cover a final hearing???im not sure if she gets legal aid or not,im just wondering,to be honest i could write everything thats happend since but you would be reading for hours haha,not really sure where to go from here,fair play,my solicitor said this would get messy,he wasnt joking i see.

Well, good result from Cafcass, and helpful to them that you agree - I would think that the judge would have to have a very good reason to change the situation, and I can't see that there is one 🙂

well i would think so too,but im very new to all this so still a bit wary,spoke to the EX tonight after ordered indirect contact,EX said shes pushing for a final hearing but shes self representing as she cant afford a solicitor,she spoke with caffass officer after they lefy my house and im wasting my money apparantly?????? confused now,is this just part of the process?im not sure.

My ex told me I was wasting my money years ago - it was an awful lot of money, but it certainly wasn't wasted 🙂 Let's face it, wouldn't she want you to waste your money? If so, the best way to do that would be to let you continue without saying anything - sounds like she's trying to get you to stop because she knows she has nothing.

exactly what i was thinking,but im a newbie and a terrified that it may go wrong,scary thought.

I've got to agree with actd here....the judge is highly unlikely to change the status quo, your son has been with you for an extended period of time and to move him would be detrimental. He has settled with you, has a relationship with his little sister and has expressed the wish to CAFCASS that he wants to remain with you. There are no safeguarding issues either...I rest my case!

i agree,surely if my EX has raised concerns with caffcass today then they would notify myself of said concerns before submiting there report to court??im just worried shes throwing a spanner in the works to hold up things.

Take no notice...in my opinion she just trying to unsettle you and sow seeds of doubt so don't let her! The CAFCASS officer isn't naive, they have come to their conclusions and have already told you what they will be advising the court, I don't think a quick chat with your ex is going to change that, do you?

well ive just got off the phone with the caffcass officer,she said upon her telling the EX what her recomendations to court will be,she started crying and said she wants to fight it all the way and will appeal should she not get what she wants,caffcass said they are asking that the status quo remains as it is but will also ask for a family assistance order so that she can remain involved until the final hearing,she also said that the EX is self representing and that there is a chance that the caffcass officer may sit with the EX during the hearing to assist her if needed and to act as negotiator to my solicitor but this doesnt mean the she is representing her????,confused much!!!!!

I don't think you have too much to worry about, CAFCASS aren't taking sides by sitting with her...if they do your solicitor will have the opportunity to cross examine the officer...I think as you have representation they are just taking a negotiating role
Speak to,your solicitor about this development and confirm that the CAFCASS report remains the same as do the recommendations within it.

Well just received the cafcass report and to be honest I'm a little bit disappointed,whilst her recommendations are ideal given the circumstances,seems like I've been tarred with the same brush as the ex,every concern I have raised has been met with a counter allegation of some sort,maybe I was expecting too much?,is this just part of the process?,very frustrating.

If the concerns/allegations had been taken on board then the officer wouldn't have made the recommendations in your favour.
If there is anything in the report that is wrong then you should contact the officer that compiled the report and draw here attention to the errors and ask for it to be amended. Boycie has some experience of this so lets hope he will give his advice on this!

Ironic,

I got the complaints manager response today which recognises the deficiencies and even is as bold to provide an apology on a number of accounts.

Assume the worst and you usually have a benchmark to start working to.

Anyway they copied this letter to court. So if you are concerned about inaccuracies you must highlight them to the officer writing the report, her line manager and the cafcass national complaints line. They are obliged to look into it within 15 days and should turn it around within 2 weeks.

If you need any other advice just post and Im sure we can work out what you might wanna discuss with them

Thank you for your advice, after Court yesterday its good to know. Ill brief you now....

Attended Court yesterday, the Ex represented herself, as she indictated last week. The judge asked if we had both received the CAFCAS report and understood it, to which we both acknowledged. He then asked me if i agreed with the recommendations, which is the status quo remains, and i agreed. I explained I think that at this point in time it is fair and balanced and has the best interested of all three children at this time. The Ex disagrees. The Judges asked her to clarify if she disagrees with the report and she said yes. He asked her to clarify what part and she said the whole report.

She has asked to take this to a final hearing, the judge told her what would be involved and the technicalities; she agreed. He then said that her case is no longer with me it is now a case of contesting the cafcas report. He asked her about witnesses and suggested my wife be called due to the involvement she has had with the upbringing of the children - he wants to know her opinion. He refused to allow her to call their school teachers as they have already been interviewed in the cafcas report that she is now contesting.

She has 7 days to write to the courts requesting a final hearing; am i right in thinking that if she doesnt comply then our current order is then made final??

She has phoned me tonight asked for additional overnight contact during the half term - yet mentioned nothing yesterday in court,this contact would be difficult for me to agree to as i have arranged and paid for child care during the half term and it is also my daughters birthday,i feel that this may be her way of trying to gain a possible witness statement that my son wishes to reside with her,do you think i would be seen as being unreasonable for say no to this additional contact?or would that go against me????

I don't think it's unreasonable to refuse her request at short notice. As long as you are sticking to the agreed contact.

I'm a little confused that she has to request a final hearing, if the interim order hasn't been made into a full order you will have to have another hearing for this to be administered. Unless what you mean is that she must request a contested hearing?

What does your solicitor have to say?

contested hearing i think.she has 7 days to apply or the current order stands.

www.thecustodyminefield.com/Factsheets/TCMContestedHearingChecklist.pdf

Also check out The sticky at the top of this section about contested final hearings by Yoji.

well i have a date for the final hearing,during the directions hearing the judge made amendments to the interim orders,one of which being that the contact handovers may take place in southampton,this weekend is mums second contact weekend since the amendments where made,the order says that the child is to be returned home at 5pm on sunday,i have just spoken with mum after calling to speak with our son and she has stated that she will be dropping him off at 5pm in southampton and if im not there i will be in breach of the court order????she has not asked if this would be ok,just demanded,im under the impression that MAY take place at a certain place this does not mean that it MUST take place there,am i just being petty here,im on call for work all day tommorow,if she had given me a bit of notice it would be ok but its a bit last minute and now im fumming.

You are correct - she can breach the court order by not facilitating contact - the order is on her, not on you to attend, though if you failed to attend on a regular basis without good reason, then she would have a good case to go back to court to have it varied.

EDIT - I think I may have misread the story here - ignore my advice on this one.

....does the order state that the child is to be returned home...home being the operative word here?

Did you get interim residence?

Personally I think she is being obstructive and if she refuses to drop him "home" at the end of contact then you would be within your rights to stop contact and take it back to court yourself. If she has a solicitor I would contact them about this, if not write her a formal letter about it, about her misinterpretation of the interim order....send a copy to the court for filing.

Before suspending contact it might help you to write to the judge that made the amendments to the interim order and explain how she is using it to be obstructive and refusing to return him home after contact. State that you are loathe to stop contact but she is making it very difficult for you to facilitate contact when she won't return him home, ask for his direction as to how to deal with this.

the order does state that he is to be returned home at 5 pm,and that the handover MAY take place in southampton,she hit the roof yesterday because i suggested that it needs to be at 4pm at the latest if she insists on myself collecting at southampton as there is not another ferry till 6 pm,ive rang her again this morning to confim times and she replied,it may be 4,it may be 5 ???, Shes now rung me again at 2.30pm to say that they are just leaving because my middle child is poorly. Hes struggling to breath and has been since he woke up this morning - this waas not mentioned when I called this morning - and has been sick in the car so shes had to stop to buy him a change of clothes. She said she wants to take him to hosiptal but will do it after she has dropped my son back to southampton. I questioned whether he should be travelling 5 hrs if he needs to attend hospital.
I called back and asked her how bad taylor is and suggested she should take my son to hospital and if that meant my youngest would not be home tonight and would have to be returned tomorrow then that is how it would be. Our poorly son needs to come before the other two, court orders and our feelings regarding each other. She has called back to now tell me he seems fine and she will continue her journey to Southampton but will be late.

...it sounds manipulative to me but you can't take chances if there's a possibility that your middle child is genuinely ill....so you did the right thing...

I think a letter to her to clarify the wording of the interim order would still be a good idea.

well she refused to bring our son home yesterday so i had to travel to southampton to collect him,however we didnt get home till 7pm not 5pm as the court order states,the next contact is due to take place the weekend before the final hearing,with myself collecting the two eldest from wales on friday and mother to have contact with the youngest on the isle of wight from 10 am till 3pm,with mother collecting the two eldest at 3pm in order to return them home,this was something she asked for in court,when the judge asked her about the finacial inplications involved,she said she could pay for it,however she has rung me again this evening saying that she not afford to attend the next contact arrangement with the youngest,and if i want my contact with the two eldest,then i have to both collect and return to wales,we are in court in wales,three days after this and there is no way i can afford three trips to wales in one week,im speaking with my solicitor tomorow to have a letter sent about yesterdays performance,this is getting silly now,shes relentless,any advice???

mother to collect on sunday by the way.

I think as you have court three days after this final contact and she is effectively breaching the interim order then you would be within your rights to cancel the last contact. Alternatively you could suggest that you take your youngest to Wales so that she can have a few hours contact with him and you can have the same amount with the older children, but then return home with the youngest later the same day....it's a long day for him though.

had the final hearing today,right result thank god,you guys have been my rock,words cant say hpw thankfull i am for this support xxx

Hi,

Congratulations.....really pleased.

Obviously without saying to much what was the right result and how was the hearing in terms of being on the stand etc?

Regards,

Dave

i got residency 🙂 cost me the earth but to be honest i dont think i could of done it by myself,ex self represented but had no accual evidence to disspute the caffcas report,however as a complete newbie to this kind of thing i felt i needed to cover all bases,after taking advice from solicitors and from here(saved a fortune by the way)the best out come for my children was achieved,i was lucky as my EX clearly was in over her depth,her lies where shown,as was her inability to prioritize the childrens needs before her own,my argument from the start.

with regards to being on the stand,it was scary,i just stayed true to the facts,the caffcas report,didnt sling mud,unlike the EX,she had all sorts of random accusations throw in,no notice was taken by them clearly .

Niiiice....really pleased for you and your children.

Well done.....

Regards,

Dave

Good result, and excellent advice on how to behave in court 🙂

That wonderful news! :cheer: 8)