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Hi Everyone,
This is my first time on here and just trying to get some advice, I want to get things right so I don't upset my daughter and stepson by going at things the wrong way.
My partner had an affair and moved herself and the two children with her (stepson of 16 who I have helped bring up since he was 18 months) and my daughter (who is 12) into their new house.
My ex is a self employed career and I have been there for both of the children since she used to work evenings (approx 1830hrs until approx 2200hrs each night) and most weekends for the last 12 yrs.
We sold our old house and split the profits 50/50 so there was no problems there, we have also come to an agreement about maintenance payment (I pay 15% of my net income, what the CSA would ask for, and she does not want me to pay for my stepson) and again no problems there.
The problem I am having is seeing either of them, she keeps telling me that she has never, or will never stop me seeing either of them and that I am to ask them when they would like to be with me. I send them a text and they sometimes both come over at the same time, sometime on their own, or should I say I go and pick them up and take them back, and the times agreed. This seemed to be going quite well until recently,
I have arranged to take my daughter out for the day and she has been really pleased with the idea then the night before we are due to go out I get a text saying she can't make it as she has to go out with someone else instead. A few days later I receive a text from my ex saying that I should of let her know so she would of made sure that my daughter would of come with me, The next time I try to arrange a day together I ask my ex if it is ok with her only to be told to ask the children as it is not up to her. I check with the children and it is fine, only for the same thing to happen again.
I have been told that she does nothing but criticise me about being a bad father, (I was good for 12yrs for looking after them whilst she was out), and also does nothing but question them about what we have gone and the things we have been doing when they get home.
Her new partner has also now moved in with them (which I have no problem with) and his son (I think is about 10yrs) stays with them sometimes (again no prob), but I have been told that when he stays over he sleeps in the same room as my daughter, is this legal ?
Many Thanks in advance for any advice you can give
Hi,
It's hard to comment on this one as she is not saying they can't come & see you, but clearly something is happening to stop them. As your kids are older, are you able to sit them down & chat through why they didn't come, presuming you will get to see them soon. I don't think it's good for them to know there is a problem, but maybe make sure there is no doubt in their minds that you did not cancel seeing them & that you were really looking forward to seeing them.
In regards to the sleeping arrangements, I wouldn't be happy with this. In my opinion, it's just not sensible to have kids of this age share, as they don't get the level of privacy they need to protect them. I would probably try asking what the sleeping arrangements are, if you are not totally sure, letting them know you're not happy. If nothing changes you could always seek advice from Social Services.
Hope this in some way helps!
Thanks for the reply,
My children know that it is not me who has cancelled see them as they both know I love having them with me.
I have been told by a friend of ours that when my ex moved out she wanted to leave me in the biggest mess she could, hence why she left me only the bed and took nearly everything else with her. At the time I was upset, but realised that this would give me the chance for a brand new and fresh start, a new flat and all new stuff to put in it.
Since she is self employed she used the money that she had put aside for her tax bill to pay for the deposits etc for their new rented home and the money from the sale of the house will be used for paying her tax bill.
Things haven't turned out quite how she wanted them to and now she (so I have been told) is struggling to make ends meet, her new partner is an alcoholic who spend most of his time at the pub and she cant work the hours she used to because of the children. (I was always there to cook, clean, run them about etc etc). I was also told by a friend of both of ours that she is afraid that they children will end up not liking her for this and will want to live with me so she is now making up stories about me telling them that I keep spreading rumours about her and that I don't love them (none of which are true). Basically doing her best to turn them against me, as she doesn't want them living with me for some reason, (more than likely because the amount of benefits she receives would drop) and leave her even worse off financially.
I feel that if I was to use the legal system to get access she would basically tell them what to say and that this would end up with a court telling me to keep away . . and on the other hand I don't want to pressure them by asking to see me as they will feel like they have to take sides as this is not good for either of them . . . Stuck between a rock and a hard place . . !
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