[Solved] My right to stay in the family home.

Hi there,

The answer is yes you have a legal right to stay and remain in the family home, but I would consider closely the effects on yourself and your children if you do stay.

If you stay you are likely to end up argueing constantly and this will effect you and your children and possibly end up in a stale mate where neither you or your wife are prepaired to back down.

Is there no way at all you can reconsile your relationship with relate or similar?

GTTS

No, I want to try but she says no. We are being quite civil so far

Hi I would suggest going to relate, there not just about trying to get couples back together but they can help make the split less painful and you can discus the practical side as well as emotional. There's a lot to deal with and you are right in thinking you will need a place you can have the children. Don't do anything in a rush,

Yes, I would like to go to relate but my wife is not willing to talk to anybody. Could I go on my own?

The advice I was given by a solicitor at the time was do not move out!….and do not get in to any potential conflict with your ex and do not argue simply walk away to a different room/garden/shed etc…

If you move out you will find it very difficult to get out of the mortgage unless your ex buys you out or agrees to sell the house and even if she were to agree like my ex did then how do you know she will stick to her word….mine didn’t and it took me over 2 years to get that resolved. I stopped paying my share of the mortgage when I found out she’d moved her new fella in.
If she’d failed to pay her half of the mortgage then I’d have been dragged down in to debt with her!

If she tries to force you out then you need to be very careful…..if she really wants you out then she could try anything…..and there are many guys on here that can vouch for that!

She could well play the “DV / DA (domestic violence or abuse) card”, if she contacts the police to say that you’ve been threatening her or abusive/violent towards her then you need to proof because they will not believe you I can tell you that from experience mate! And so can many others on here!
Just in case start keeping a diary of events…dates/times of any conflict/arguments and what they were about etc…

I’m just saying be very careful…..why should you have to move out because she no longer wants to be with you? if she really doesn’t want to be with you then she should move out!

Thanks,
She went mental when I told I had a right to stay, almost hit me!
The hardest thing for me is I want the kids to have a good home .

Oh and don’t forget that Domestic violence and Abuse works both ways! She can be abusive or violent towards you……if she were to hit you and you were to report it you really would need to get the police to listen to you….where as she would just need to use the “weak, scared female” card and they do!!!
I wish I had done years ago….but I got told to “man up” and then a year later when my ex realised I wanted the house sold then she played that card and it took me 2yrs before she finally admitted in front of the judge that she lied to the police and mislead the courts too!!!!
Whilst it was great to finally get her to admit she lied it was the worst time of my life with my friends and family not wanting to believe I’d been the abuser in the relationship but me knowing they we all really questioning if I had been!
Very satisfying to get the admission but [censored] to experience!

My ex is bad mouthing me to her friends saying that I am a g1t for not moving out. Says that I am not being amicable.

I guess this means not doing what she wants me to do.

Currently the children and her are staying with her Mother and Father.

Its a long story but I am going for residency due to her physical and psycological issues and other health issues.

I just wanted the children to have a rock in the storm and long term have someone who can give them the upbringing that they are entitled to rather than become her carer as I did.

She too has made alegations of DV and I have overheard Mums in the school payground discussing it about me. Not sure if I was meant to hear it but suspect that I was.

It reall makes me feel like a pariah but I just hope that the truth will out in the end.

Regards,

Dave

I just can't have my kids move out their home and my wife is an excellent mother, it's just me she can't stand so I'm moving out. There is not much equity in the house so it will be sold when the kids are 18 if she can keep up with the payments.
F I do this then I get no strings attached access to my kids, if I fight she will battle me all the way.
For me it's not worth the pain that the kids would have to endure.

Trinity: "F I do this then I get no strings attached access to my kids, if I fight she will battle me all the way." what makes you think she will stick to this? i hope if you do that she does stick to it but what if she doesn't?

For a Joint mortgage you are both jointly liable for the paying it! if you move out and she fails to pay it then you are still liable for paying it. if she stops paying it and it defaults then you will both be chased for payment!

I know, I am so confused. I work, she doesn't plus I work 3 days a week so I could try for shared custady. If it backfires then I loose it all.
I am so not bothered about the house, money credit scores etc, I just want to be there for my kids. My wife battles much better than me and I fear the courts plus my kids might not want to stay with me. I am seeing cab today (friday) and will take things each day at a time

In my time on here I’ve found tremendous support and some excellent advice from people who have gone through what we have and have come through the other side stronger and more confident.

These events are not without speed humps along the way but they do get easier to deal with and work out how best to proceed.

I was a Door mat for my ex……..i’ve become much stronger as a result of her actions and I’m almost back to the person I was when I met her…..the real me again….not the beat up down trodden controlled scared person I was in the last few years of living with her.

Best advice I can give is don’t bottle it up and don’t let her blackmail you by using your kids….just because you’re a man that’s still classed as domestic abuse!!!

I've hit rock bottom, I just can't bear to put my son through any of this but it is like an unstoppable train.
My wife is so [censored] bent on getting me out and can't except my concerns about finances, she just thinks I am after the money from the house.
She has no income and thinks she can pay a £105000 mortgage! Someone correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think that you can get the social to pay your mortgage if it is joint and one of you works. If I thought she could pay I'd walk away today but I have provided for my family for 10 years and all I see is the kids losing their home which she insists that she can afford. She also says that she needs to find a job but when the time is right!
If she could see clearly then we both could end up with a little bit of cash to set up a new life, instead I think the house will get repossessed and we will both end up with nothing, worst of all the kids will lose their home in a much more hurtful way.

I'm so sorry trinity...perhaps you can speak to the mortgage provider and ask about changing it to interest only payments for the time being. That way it will give you a little bit of room and in the meantime your wife might see sense, especially when she understands that the DWP won't pay the mortgage, at least I'm pretty sure they won't....best of luck with it all 🙂