Narcissistic Highly educated powerful wife!!
This is my first time on this website and I need some urgent advice.
I have been married for 16 years and have a 7 year old son. My marriage broke down years ago and now life has become much much worse. My wife hardly lets me spend anytime with my son is spends 90% of the her time at her parents house with my son. She restricts my family from having any contact with my son i.e She will only allow my son to speak to my mum and family if she is present (making my son feel awkward). She will not let me read him bed time stories or for that matter put him to bed ect ect.
After discussions with my family and hers last year (Indian culture) My father suggested that separation is the best way forward for us both. At that point she had a audio CCTV fitted into the house which only she and her family have access to. It seems she has been pulling footage off of our few a far between arguments. She has been sending me emails titled Aggressive behaviour insinuating that she feels at risk from me and has also included my mother in this.
She has insisted all communication must be via email and text also....
Social and school are aware of our marital issues. We had a mediation session with the social worker last September and she created a narrative that I was the aggressor!!
The honesty of far far from the truth. I have been the victim for 16 long years of mental, emotional and physical abuse from my wife. I have been having phone support and counselling for the last 8years to get through the days and weeks.
My son has only very been up to my parents house 2 times in seven years for a total of 6 hours!!
I love my son very very much and I am very scared. It has become clearly evident that she wants to restrict access if and when we separate. Solicitors are struggling to give me a transparent response to my concerns.
I have no criminal records and hold a reputable job.
I really need some help!!
hi, I would advise you to cherish your child's young years, and don't let the mother get in the way of that. seems like she has been building a case against you for a long time. I would advise against going to solicitors now. Often they like to fan the flames of conflict, and they make a lot of money that way.
If she is not going to allow reasonable contact, I would advise you contact a family mediator to book a MIAM appointment. Would recommend mediateuk. If they decide that there's no point in inviting her for mediation, they will give you permission to apply to court, with a childs arrangement order (form c100). MIAM appointment + c100 should cost you £315. You could self-represent in court and save money. We can advise you.
I would possibly step up your couselling, but as you've been doing this for so long, I wonder whether your counsellor could give evidence (with your permission) to help with your case - she couldn't argue that it's something you've just decided to try, it obviously indicates a deep seated issue.
thank you. Do you think the records of my counselling sessions would help my plight for when I eventually separate and she tries to restrict me from seeing my son...
It's difficult to say as you can't predict what an individual court would decide but it's likely you would be able to include it as some sort of evidence if necessary.
From what you've said, it's likely there will be very difficult times ahead and it's great you have counselling in place to help support you.
It might be worth trying to find your local branch of Families Need Fathers to get some support as well.
Have you spoken to a solicitor at all? Many offer free 30 minute consultations where you could get some initial advice.
Best of luck
thank you for your reply.
I have spoken to a couple of solicitors. They can be quite vague. Both giving different bits of advice.
I am just really worried she is creating such a bad narrative of my personality to portrait professionals.
we both love our son soo much, that she has said she cannot live without him a single day and she will do absolutely everything to make sure that I have as little access to him as possible..... that looks like she will want to go down the line of supervision access.
she is already gone behind my back to down on the mortgage....
what is this families need fathers?
Apart from Families needFathers, is there a domestic abuse support agency in the area? They support men as well as women who are victims of domestic abuse. They can usually offer counselling and legal advice free of charge. It will also be someone to talk to about options