[Solved] PR in practice?

Hi there 🙂

If you are named on the birth certificate then you have PR. If you don't have a copy you can obtain that from the registrar of births deaths and marriages.

Essentially PR entitles you to be consulted about your child's education, religion and health matters and the Resident parent has a duty to keep you informed of the child's progress.

I hadn't really thought about whether PR allowed the non resident parent (usually the father) to visit a child in hospital, but its a valid point as PR doesn't give the right to have contact....so it follows that you wouldn't have the automatic right to be allowed to visit...Having said that, as you have regular contact and the mother is involving you in things like her Christening I would like to think that she would expect you to be there if anything like that happened.

It might be worth talking to the ex about it and getting her thoughts about giving you some sort of written authorisation...how do you think she would react to that?

Alternatively you could telephone the hospital and ask what their protocol is if something like that should happen.

Are you named on the Birth Certificate as father? If so, you have PR.

Have you asked your ex if she has notified the school that you are an emergency contact if she is not available? Giving the school a copy of the Birth Certificate will prove your PR but I doubt they will do it over the telephone.

I have heard previously of hospitals preventing contact from the non resident parent if the resident parent tells them not to allow you. They take the soft and easy option I think!!! So yes there is every chance that a hospital will not let the non-resident parent visit a sick child.

Yeah i am on the birth certificate so i do have PR. I never thought of showing them a copy of the birth certificate! saying that i dont have a copy so i need to get one. The ex is currently going through a good period with her mental health problems so so is being very reasonable at the moment, and since i have started mediation (we have both had out initial meetings last week) she has been actively helpful! which is a nice suprise. so i think as part of the mediation will tell her what i want with the schooling and ask her if she would help, how things have been recently i think she would help too! the ex is bipolar, which if any one doesnt know means she switches from extreme low to high emotions, and while we were together i was her main carer, there is a whole back story to that but short version is i was not a very supportive or good carer, i was 19 and taken on more then i could handle and too stubborn to ask for help. so when she is in a bad way that combined with the bad way the relationship ended means there is a special level of hate reserved for me when she is ill. i know it sounds hard to believe as she seem so reasonable at the monemt and we are getting on but this has happened before and for all i know tomorrow or next week or next month she could get ill again which can last a couple of months. schooling has been a previous problem between us, sometime the ex doesn't seen the daughter to school for no good reason, there have been parents evenings, school plays and a sports day coming up that i have not bee told about. a friend of a friends daughter is in the same school so i hear about these things but often after they have happened! i doesnt help that we have complete opposite opinions when it comes to education she left school with no qualifications as soon as she could whilst i went through the further education path and ended up with a masters degree in engineering and both think our own ways are the right way! so i even with us being on good terms at the moment i will raise schooling in mediation so it cant turn in to an arguement that gets out of hand.

It's great that she's being cooperative at the moment and its a good idea to try and get agreement on as much as possible whilst you are at Mediation and she is open to working with you. 🙂

Have you thought about talking about the changing needs of your daughter as she gets older with regard to contact? You will both need to be more flexible as she becomes more independent of you both and that will mean the mother being flexible in moving around contact to accommodate that.

There's also the possibility that you will want to take her abroad during the summer holidays so it might be worth talking about having your daughters passport made available for such times...this has caused problems for other members in the past and they have had to apply through the court for a Specific Issue Order to resolve it....at a cost of £200!

it is so good that she is being co-operative at the moment, and a great idea to deal with everything that you can via mediation as she is being so co-operative!!

if you are not being involved in school stuff, it is probably because she has not given the school your info. Get a copy of the birth certificate and arrange an appointment with the school, show the it, and that you would like copies of all information, school reports, photos, etc, open days, sports days, to be sent to you direct.

As NJ says, you will need to consider your daughter's changing needs as she gets older, ie. clubs, her friends et. And holidays! Getting the passport sorted is also a good idea.

Have been thinking about things to discuss at mediation, here is my brief list:

1.) Regular contact- every other weekend friday evening to sunday afternoon plus every wednesday evening, as a minimum, i would not say no to more even if the more is informal/ irregular, no problem babysitting or even if my daughter just wants to come over, we live less then a 5 min walk apart.

2.) Holidays- recenty arranged to have my daughter for a whole week in july, want to make this happen every year, i am flexible on exact date i can book any time off work. have read on this forum about making sure i get her passport like a month before we fly and picking her up at least a day before a flight is that normal/reasonable?

3.) christmas - we already have a good arrangement there, would like to see her on her and my birthday and fathers day if not on my time so will mention that also will mention the opposite my daughter seeing her mother on their birthdays and mothers day if they do fall on my time.

4.) school and health - as mentioned in the other posts.

there are a couple of specific family events coming up in the next year or so that i would like extra time with my daughter, similar things have previously not been allowed by the ex including seeing visiting family from abroad and not letting me take her to family weddings (plenty of notice given, swaps and flexibility offered, she changed mind at last second because we has an arguement, no legit reason not to let her attend). my parents recently emigrated abroad and next year will be coming to visit, they send my daughter packages and letters in the post and talk every other weekend on skype so they still have a close relationship with my daughter even from the other side of the world, so i would like my daughter to see them as much as possible while they are here. so is mediation the place to talk about things like that even if they are quite far in the future?

clubs and friends and changing needs have been mentioned, not 100% sure what is meant by that? my daughter used to do ballet (untill the ex tried to make me pay it all instead of 50/50, i couldnt afford to so unfortunately the daughter lost out) so i would have no problem with taking my daughter to any clubs she wants.also her friends birthday parties i take her to those when they fall on my weekends, same if she has a play date arranged, is that what you mean? should i do/say/have in writting anything extra to what im doing there? in terms of future needs is that the kind of thing you mean or have i missed anything?

is there anything glaringly obvious that i have missed or from peoples past experiences i should discuss/arrange now at mediation whilst things seem good between me and the ex?

Many thanks

RugbyDad

1.) The defined contact you are negotiating is the average that would be granted at court and asking for informal contact as and when as an addition is good also.

2.) you could even ask for two weeks summer holiday! The passport cover is right.

The rest is fine and yes it would be a very good idea to get clarification and agreement on specific family events.

I think you've got a very comprehensive list of the important issues that should be covered and I can't think of anything else that you have missed! 😉 ...and yes you've got the right end of the stick as far as changing needs is concerned...It won't be long before shes taking it upon herself to make that 5 minute walk to yours... 😆

thanks nannyjane!

i know its so scary how quickly they grow up! i love how she has her own opinions and reasonings and how she doesnt hesitate to let me know them! last weekend she started to make up her own knock knock jokes which are terrible but still have me in fits of laughter! currently teaching her to tell the time and got her a watch which she refuses to take off now! i never used to enjoy doing my homework but i love helping her with hers! i was very worried that as a 'part-time' dad i would miss all this so glad i dont!

Hi Rugby

As NJ says, you have a very comprehensive, well thought out list for discussion at mediation, and yes mediation is absolutely the right place to bring it up, including your parents visit next year! You have already experienced problems in the past, and so are better being discussed with an intermediary.

Nope you have changing needs just right!! Trust me, it wont be long until she is driving! 😆

Many parents do ask for half all the school holidays, you might want to consider that. Especially for summer, or as NJ says, request a two week holiday for summer.

Oh and in mediation i guess a good thing to do is to be something like "I am very happy to say that xxx and I have reached great agreement in relation too....". I was going to say praise, but that is going a bit too far, but you are showing that you appreciate it and that she can do it if you get my drift.

EnyaM

And Kennymac
(Sorry RugbyDad for replying in your thread)

I would say something like "you haven't been kept informed of important things,i.e. hospital operations, and that you would like to be kept informed on each and every occasion in the future"

You do have to be careful not to pick up on everything, but have all these types of things ready so that when needed, you can make generalisations about them, you need to use the more serious events.

Trust me RD, fathers and daughters have a seriously special and unique bond 🙂 I loved my Mum sooo much but my Dad was my world! He worked away for months on end when I was little but that didn't effect our relationship, in fact it probably made it stronger as the times we shared were even more special... I miss him terribly.

So you see, "other dads" might come and go but you're her Daddy forever and as she grows so will the love you share! 🙂