[Solved] Shared residence order

Hi there,

I would be very cautious about accepting this. If there is shared residency she could just keep hold of her and having just read back through your posts that would not be in your daughters best interests at all.

Did you manage to get in touch with your MF at all?

The last time you posted your ex was not having overnight stays, has that changed and if so how has it been going? She is asking for every other weekend and some of the holidays, there is no need for a shared residence order in my opinion, that can be agreed with a contact order. How far away do you live from the ex?

I agree with NJ's caution - I think she is trying to get residence by stealth, but you also need to be cautious about your reasons for rejecting it so that the court doesn't think you are simply being obstructive. Having said that, if you fight it, I would say that the "worst" that the court would order would be joint residence anyway, so you pretty much have nothing to lose by rejecting it.

thanks for the advice 🙂

my ex still isn't having over night contact but she has come up with a detailed contact plan to build up to over night contact which turns out is a month later than what I was going to offer. NYAS also are very keen for over night contact to start as they think the judge wont be happy it hasn't started already.

since my last post things have changed quite a lot. my ex is now coming to see my daughter more and making more of an effort and everyone seems to be getting on a lot better. I think someone has had a word with my ex because NYAS told me last week before I received the letter that they are going to recommend my daughter stay with me. so I think she knows she will lose and just wants it all over and done with also she has a new social life and if my daughter was to go back then I think she would get in the way.

can I ask in the order that she has to return her after every contact other wise she will be breaking the order. NYAS seems to think that the court will only offer us shared order anyway because although there was a risk in the beginning my ex and her son have had lots of work done and the risk seems to have lessened somewhat.

my ex lives over 100 miles away from me so there isn't any way she can have her half of the time and the over night contact she is proposing wont start until January next year and only if my daughter wants it to go ahead.

I never heard from my MF again, and now her web site has gone. we going to do it ourselves now as its too late to get anyone else to help, our hearing is on the 17th.

my only real concern is my ex not returning her but would that be a good enough reason to reject her offer?

I'm not going to agree to anything until we are in the court room and have all my questions answered, I feel more stressed now than I did before her offer :-/

thanks again for everyone advice.

Hi there,

Well it's good that the mother is making more of an effort, lets hope it lasts....the cynic in me says that this is a show for the courts and the various agencies involved, perhaps because of my own experiences with my grandsons mother....she pulls her socks up whilst the spot light is on her but then once it stops there's a gradual return to old ways

Unfortunately if you get shared residence I don't think you can have it written in that she must be returned... I wouldn't say that shared residence is a given either...the distance between you is a factor for not having shared residence. I think you should argue that because of the very serious risks that precipitated your child's residence with you that this shouldn't be forgotten in the interests of the mother and sons improvement, and that your daughters safety should remain at the forefront. Full residency would give you the security and the ability to be able to protect her if need be in the future.

Such a shame about the MF ...apparently a lot of MFs seem to burn out after about 5 years, it can be a very thankless task. One of my colleagues has just declared he will not be taking any more cases and he is such an experienced MF, it is a big loss.

Hi I wouldn't agree to shared residence. I would agree to a defined contact order this leaves you in control

thanks for that ill look into one of those, im going to get a free half hour with a solicitor tomorrow to see if they can help. ive got less than two weeks to come up with something.

im also going to talk to my ex direct with out her solicitor to try and find out why shes offered all of a sudden.

thanks again for all the great help

it turns out you were right, it was a sneaky way to try and keep her. NYAS went to see my ex today and told her what they were going to recommend and my ex got really angry and said she is going to fight it all the way plus she wants to fight social services because to her they made all the wrong choices at they beginning.

I just thought I could see some light at the end of the tunnel 🙁

It seems to me that the mother may well shoot herself in the foot by getting angry and her "fighting it all the way" attitude!

I think you just need to do what you have been doing, NYAS are recommending that she stay with you...the fact that she is already with you and settled will carry lots of weight too.