[Solved] Solicitor letter

A letter from a solicitor could well stir things up and make things a whole lot worse for you and the kids.

What could happen?

Well as your solicitor says, she will either:

A: It will scare her in to realising how unreasonable she is being and will help her to start being reasonable for the best interests of the kids.

B: Ignore it….in which case you’ll have to elevate it to court.

C: she’ll fight you…
She’ll see the Solicitors letter as a direct attack on her and she will come at you with everything in her arsenal……she will get advice from everywhere….she’ll slate you to her friends who will tell her to screw you to the floorboards and take you for everything you’ve got…they’ll tell her the mother always wins so you’ve no chance and she only has to say you’ve been abusive or violent to her for years etc… all lies and without substance but you will be guilty until you can prove your innocent!

I’m only looking at it from my own perspective and there are lots of reasonable ex’s out there….just not many of the fathers on here will say that though.

Fingers crossed its option A for you and your kids.

If its any of the others then this forum and its members are going to be a big help with real life experience based advice.

Rather than getting the solicitor to write to her, could you not try writing it yourself (if you’ve not already tied)? If its a personal letter from you to her she may take it better than a solicitors letter.
And it’ll cost you just time and a stamp!

Thanks for your message - I have tried on numerous occasions to broach the subject of increased contact time only for it to fall on deaf ears. I have also emailed her to explain my thoughts and how the legal route is really the last resort for me.

It is a big gamble and ridiculously expensive but I have to see if this letter will actually work. My main concern is that both my ex and her father work for the police and I am sure they will have reasonably good access to legal advice at the drop of a hat.

Fortune favours the bold....do it....:)

I'll put it another way - if you go for legal action, do you have anything to lose? You certainly have a lot to gain - it's a matter of weighing the two up.

Solicitor letter landed on her doorstep this morning and I have received this text earlier today:

Got the letter from your solicitor. If you're so flush that you can afford a solicitor maybe you'd like to start paying maintenance for your daughter?

We've spoken about Monday Wednesday Friday and I've explained that I think that is hugely disruptive for her and not in her best interests.

This is despite my monthly payments to my ex for over the complete mortgage sum (I am living in the house alone) my £7 gas bill and £22 electricity bill this month must be too much to cover!!

I am not going to reply because I think it is very easy to get drawn into an argument in this situation. I just hope I get to see my daughter this evening.

Hi Barty,

Just a quick question, what are you hoping for in terms of your contact arrangement?

Days/Times/Holidays/Overnights?

How old is your daughter?

Hi Yoji,

At this moment in time:

1. Monday 5.30pm - 6.30pm
2. Wednesday 5.30pm - 6.30pm
3. Overnight contact on a Friday from 5pm until Saturday at 3pm

Proposed contact arrangements:

1. Overnight contact on a Monday from 5.30pm
2. Overnight contact on a Wednesday from 5.30pm
3. Overnight contact on a Friday from 5pm until Saturday at 5pm

Ava is 16 months old and I am happy to be very flexible on: Days/Times/Holidays/Overnights

Hello,

My experience at Court has been akin to an auction when it comes to the length of contact that you want start high and then the court can take it from there.

During my time at court, I have always been a Litigant In Person, i.e. representing myself. A course of action that is being recommended by other organisations that are trying to protect the rights of fathers, given the expense verse the results obtained, and the fact that you will be given more latitude to express yourself and fight your corner.

So my advice is take all your documents that you have, speak from the heart and demonstrate a way forward for all with your child's best interest at the fore.

Laters,

Brian

After the letter landed on Friday nothing really much has changed - other than my ex deciding she wants to drop the price of the house we currently have for sale and organising maintenance payments. I could probably use some guidance on this as I pay into her account a set sum which she now wants to be increased.

Have you used the CSA calculator to work out the amount you should pay in maintenance? If you google CSA calculator and input your details it will give you an amount that you would be expected to pay through the CSA. There is also a link to A CSA leaflet that can be found at the top of the Child Maintenance section called "how does the CSA calculate payments" There's additional info in there about reductions you may be entitled to.

If the mortgage is in joint names then you both have to give permission for the price to be dropped. If you are paying an amount into her account you need to reference it as maintenance payment. This will prevent her at a later date denying that you have paid her.

If it helps when the CSA got intouch with me despite the fact I was paying her on the pay I got paid. But the CSA were only interested my payments from the day they contacted me. Also I did reference the payments as something like "BabyMoney".

Laters,

Bri

I now have a mediation date set for the end of the month as the solicitor letter didn't really do anything constructive. During this time I have unfortunately had a visit from the police with regard to an argument at the front door of my ex partners... i was said to have shouted which isn't true but as a result of this incident the police referred the doorstep argument to the social services! they have recommended that i no longer should have overnight contact with my daughter and that this will help avoid any anger management issues! I continue to see my daughter on the arranged days - just lose my precious one night a week overnight time.

I feel like I couldn't make this up!!

unfortunately, if the police become involved, it does tend to mean it becomes even more of an uphill struggle.

unfortunately, if the police become involved, it does tend to mean it becomes even more of an uphill struggle.

I am hoping that a decent magistrate can see through the complete fabrication of a doorstep argument and realise that this is all being done by her to paint a negative picture of my character and ultimately destroy a positive relationship with our daughter.