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Hi, hoping you guys can help with some advice.
My situation is that i have a 4 year old son who lives with his mum. We split up before he was born and I did not know she was pregnant until after the birth! Anyway, I have supported my son financially and have maintained regular contact despite the 70+ miles between us - intially he used to stay alternante weekends after he was about six months old, but since he has started school he has stayed with me during the school holidays.
The relationship with his mum is amicable, there has been no stress/hostility/game playing etc, we have come to mutual arrangements regarding access and maintenance so no court or other third party has been involved at any stage.
Recently (i am unsure why) his mum has told me that the is struggling to look after him, that she feels she can no longer cope and has no close support to her in terms of family or friends. she has said that she wants to effectively 'give up' and that it would be best for my son if he came to live with me permanently.
now i'm all for it, i have a very supportive wife who also thinks it could be a good idea. HOWEVER - i do not simply want to take my son away from his mum, if there is anyway i can help her cope, be a better mum or get some support / help locally then i would rather explore those options first.
but long term if it didnt work out for her and she was really insistent that she no longer wanted to care for him and that he would be better off with me - what exactly would i need to do? would i need to inform social services that i am now the primary carer?do i need something in writing from a solicitor? or can my son simply move in with me and start at a local school?
any advice gratefully recieved.
thanks
David.
Hi Snooker,
To get your ex some help - your first port of call should be her local social services. They are normally very helpful and will be able to get her the support she needs.
However in the long term, as far as my very limited knowledge goes, I believe as long as you have parental responsibility then you can be primary carer without going through any official channels. You would have parental responsibly (in your case because he was born after 2003) if you are registered as his father on his birth certificate or if you and his mother were married at the time of his birth.
However If you wanted to get something in writing or do not have parental responsibility then it is a little more complicated and I would need to get our legal partners at the Childrens Legal Centre to have a look at this and give you the benefit of their expert legal knowledge.
I will get the CLC to look at this anyway as they are Yoda when it comes to child law advice.
I hope this is of help.
Gooner
Hi Gooner, thanks for the helpful advice.
I'm named on the birth certificate so its good to know it makes things a bit more straightforward.
I will see how things go in the short term in finding my ex some help, and look forward to hearing what the legal experts have to say.
cheers
David. 😎 )
Dear Snooker,
We apologise for the delay in responding to your query.
If it did come to the stage that your son is living with you, you do not necessarily need anything legal in place if the mother is in full agreement.
It would be sensible to ensure you have parental responsibility (PR) for your son, which is commonly referred to as parental rights, as this would mean you are legally able to make important decisions regarding his upbringing and consent to any medical treatment etc.
Given that your child is four years old, you will have this automatically if you are named on his birth certificate or were married to his mother at any time following his birth.
If you do not have PR then the mother can agree to you having this for your son by entering into a PR Agreement with you, which can be downloaded from www.hmcs.gov.uk (form C(PRA1)) and this being signed and witnessed as stated on the form and registered at the Principal Registry.
If the mother consents, your wife can also gain PR by entering into a step parent PR Agreement with you both (form C(PRA2) also downloadable from the above address) as you are married and this would give her the same powers as a parent has.
The Social Services are generally not involved if there are no issues regarding the standard of care a child is receiving and this can be entirely agreed between the parents.
If you are concerned that your child’s mother may later change her mind regarding the residence of your son, then you are bale to apply for a residence order from the court, which is a legally binding order stating that your son lives with you and that this can be enforced if the mother attempted to keep him without your consent at any time until he is approximately 16 years old (when he can decide for himself).
As the mother is currently in full agreement, you can still make this application and it would be quite straight forward if it is not contested, however it is your choice whether you wish to do this, you are not required to legally.
As a parent, if your son comes to live with you, you will be able to place him into a local school without any court orders, simply because he is living with you and you are a parent.
We hope that this information is useful to you, should you require any further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre
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