Hi all
I dont really know where to start my son and his mother have a VERY complex case to say the least
Firstly we seperated 2 and a half years ago we was over the moon when we found oyt she was pregnant we was both engaged and happy but very shortly fter my son was born things started to go pear shaped, at the time i was working 2 jobs sometimes 17-18 hrs a day just to keep a roof over our head but whilst working my 2nd job as a door supervisor obviously working late at night it came to the point where i was coming home from work to find that she wasnt at home but more shockingly my son was still in his cot and i had no idea where she was at 1st i assumed post natal depression so dragged her to the doctors who denied my fears and said it was anxiety and prescribed her medication she took these for around a week then stopped and shortly afeter it started happening again she always made lies up as to where she had been etc (bearing in mind she shouldnt of been anywhere whilst leaving my son home alone) to cut a long story short after a short amount of time i found out it was all through drugs she was leaving him and i left her
i tried taking my son but stood no chance after a few weeks when she realised i had left for good she stopped me seeing him so i made her go to court in which the court granted everything i had asked for and she didnt even fight as she knew i was been more than amicable simply just wanting to see my son everyweek i always paid hger money on time every week and never ever let him down by not turning up but in court i requested a drugs test to which she agreed to undertake and told everyone she would pass with flying colours but she FAILED ON COCAINE****
obviously when we went to the doctors the 1st time he reported her to social services as a duty of care they got involved but were pretty useless all they kept saying is we "well the house is clean and olivers happy" and lefty it at that they have been involved several times since but have been more than useless 1 time he broke his foot while in her custody at around 5pm he dropped a brick on it in the garden when she took him to the hospital the nurses reported her for STINKING of wine social services got involved yet again but once again said the house was clean, WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES THAT MAKE???
my dilemma now is that we have an access agreement in place which cost me £5000 to sort out on 2 trips to court and countless numbers off letters between solicitors (in which she got for freee on her benefits) but since that agreement my job has now changed and instead of having him tues wed as agrred i now have him sat sun which is better as he is now in nursery mon-fri anyway )and she told me to get a mon-fri job for that reason) but now the agreement has changed she keeps throwing it back in my face and now says i will not see him again i simply cannot afford to go back to court again what are my best options is there anything i can do??
any help would be greatly appreciated
Hi there and welcome 🙂
The incompetence of the SS never ceases to amaze me! 😡
Has the mothers lifestyle calmed down at all or do you think she is still taking drugs and leaving him alone?
If you went back to court would it be to vary the contact, or would you want to challenge for custody?
It is quite possible for you to represent yourself in court, there are more and more Dads taking this course of action. If you have a look at the top of the Legal Eagle section you will find a couple of stickys, one is about the "Contact Order C100 Guide" . This would be the form you would need to submit to court to apply for a variance of the existing contact order, or for Residency. The other is "A Guide to Representing yourself in Court" Both have lots of useful information and are well worth reading. The cost of applying to court to change contact or to seek full custody is £200.
I would advise you to start a diary of everything that concerns your child, keep a record of all telephone calls and dont delete any txts or emails. Make a note of all conversations with your ex, and details of all contact you currently have with your child, with dates and times...in fact make notes about absolutely everything involving your child and your ex as it will be a helpful resource if you return to court.
Good luck with everything and if you need help with anything please dont hesitate to ask 🙂 .
Hi there and welcome to the site
Some new posts never fail to amaze me - and I can't believe that you do not have a strong case for custody, however is that what you want?
Remember the most important person in all of this - it is essential that they are cared for in a loving environment
It may be worth speaking to the Childrens Legal team - you can find their details on this page and seeing if there is anything you can do
Good luck with it and stay in touch
I'll play devil's advocate here. The children's services won't necessarily take a child away from the parent with care simply because alcohol or drugs are involved. There first concern is are the needs and welfare of the child being met, which is why they are saying that the house is tidy and he seems happy. Being an alcoholic or drug user does not, on its own, mean that someone is unfit to raise a child and in the first instance, if there are problems, children's services may intervene to support the parent. Unless your son is in imminent danger, it's unlikely that they will remove him. However, that doesn't mean that you don't have a good reason to go for residence so as suggested, I'd have a word with CCLC.
Hi all thankyou for your respnses and advice but sorry about my delay,
i would love nothing more than to have full custody of him but realistically at the moment im back living with my parents so know it is probably highly unlikely i would get him and would settle just for access as previously agreed in court the problem is she still keeps threatening me with court for no reason and im supposed to have him right now but im not allowed him which begs the question what was the point in me spending all that money on court in the first place cos it seems im back to square one anyway??
as for the drugs i do believe she probably is still taking them but have no proof of this and the drink i know for a fact she is still quite a heavy drinker, i dont believe she is still leaving him alone as i personally think she was only doing that so i couldnt see the effects of the drugs on her when i got home from work.
thanks again for ypur help it is greatly appreciated