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Hi guys
I have a difficult situation and i was wandering if anyone could give any advice. I have an 8 year old son that lives in manchester with his mother. me and his mum have never had a real relationship, the pregnancy wasnt planned however we did try and make it work for a few months after my son was born but that didnt work out. the both of us have very different opinions on how a child should be raised and often get into heated discussions over various matters.
The issue is now she ha gone to a solicitor and wrote to me suggesting that i am only allowed too see him for 6 hours on a monday supervised by her aunty who lives next door while she resides in her auntys house incase he needs breast feeding and he is a breast fed child. recently we had a row and i told her i was taking him for a walk and i would be back at 8. she didnt want me to take him but i did anyway so she never physically stopped me she just said bring him back at 8. usually i walk from her house to were ever im taking him for a walk but on this occasion i drove him to the canal side and took him for a walk their a two minute drive from her house or ten minute walk. she ended up histerical thinking id had abducted him and taken him to birmingham were i live, her mum phoned the police who came and talked to me and now shes saying i can only have supervised access. iv spoken to a solictor through legal aid but i havent signed to use her because i felt she wasnt on my side. my aim is to have my boy for a day, 11 till say 6 but because i dont live in birmingham i can only take him to my best friends house which i have a key but its 40minutes up the road. where do i stand in this whole situation and whats my best course of action as i dont want to be sitting in her house watched by her aunty. Also when i returned him from that walk their were two guys waiting outside the house for me with clear intentions, luckily the police officer was just behind me and he saw them, it was noted down on the incident report. i am on his birth certificate, i have no criminal record, infact im educated although you would think so with all the typos in this but im using an apple mac and not sure how to work everything! she is also bi-polar and had a tough time through the birth also everything emotional seems to be very elevated from her irrational alot of the time, she does take good care of my boy but i am starting to think her issues her being a depressive and the combination of her mums negative input is going to make me seing my boy very difficult. Her mum is the evil nan who just blatently hates me for what ever reasons i have no idea why, maybe because i have a son with her daughter but i dont want to be with her unfortunatly i cant control that.
Rant over this has really stressed me out as before this i was seing my boy every week without fail for at least two days and at the start stayed with her for a month to support her. i travel the 90 miles their then 90 miles back every week to see him which costs me around 60 pounds a week and i and my parents give her money and buy him things when we can. i havnt seen him for two weeks and im not sure were to go from here, surely unsupervised access is within my rights? he is 8 months and eats thre ood meals a day plus breast milk with which i bought her an express pump. she tells me he wont drink out of a bottle but iv never seen her try and when e was born bottles are all he would take.
emotionaly im dettached from this chick by my son means the world too me and i often feel like doing certain things which wont benefit my case however im not silly i just need to find out were i stand.
any advice would be much appreciated. thanks
Hi Michel,
I moved your post to this board because I felt this was the best place for it (I have deleted your post that was exactly the same as this one)
Right as you do not have a solicitor engaged I will ask the Coram's Children's Legal Centre to pop by and offer you some advice.
It's great that you want to be actively involved in your son's life.
Keep checking back for the legal advice.
Gooner
Dear Michel
It is firstly important to establish whether you have Parental Responsibility for your child.
You would have this if:
• You were married to the mother;
• You are named on the birth certificate and child was born after 1st December 2003
• If the birth has been re-registered after 1st December 2003.
• If you have a Parental Responsibility agreement with the mother;
• If you have a Parental Responsibility Order from the court;
• If you have a Residence Order from the court
Parental Responsibility is defined in s.3(1) Children Act 1989 as being: "all the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authority which by law a parent of a child has in relation to the child and his property".
Practically Parental Responsibility means that both parties should consult and consent on issues such as schooling, medical issues, change of name, removal from the jurisdiction and other major issues concerning the child. Your ex partner should only refuse contact if your son having contact with you poses a welfare concern.
If you do not have Parental Responsibility we would strongly recommend that you obtain this. You can obtain Parental Responsibility through the following routes:
• You can negotiate with the mother to obtain Parental Responsibility through an agreement. This form is entitled a PRA1. The form requires both parties consent
• You can re-register the birth certificate. This again would require mother’s consent.
• If mother does not consent you can apply for a Parental Responsibility Order. The form required is a C1.
• You can apply for a Residence Order and will gain Parental Responsibility this way.
The first stage that we would suggest you attempt with your ex partner is mediation. Mediation is used where parties are in disagreement over various issues surrounding the child. It is hoped that the parties will work together in mediation together with a mediator to try and reach an amicable resolution without having to resort to court proceedings. It is important to note that anything agreed in mediation is not legally binding . To arrange mediation please contact National Family Mediation on 0300 4000 636.
We would advise that if mediation does not work that you consider applying to the Court for a Contact Order. A Contact Order would stipulate times for you to have contact with your child.
To apply for a Contact Order you would need to complete a form entitled a C100. This form (and all the forms mentioned) can be obtained from www.justice.gov.uk or from your local Family Proceedings Court. There is a fee of £200 for this application. If however you are eligible for a fee exemption you can complete a fee exemption form entitled EX160a. Once you have completed the application form you need to hand it in to your local Family Proceedings Court along with the relevant fee and the Court will then contact you with a hearing date.
Something that you may want to look at when applying to the Courts is the Welfare Checklist. This is a guide that all Judge’s must follow when deciding whether to grant a Contact Order.
a) The ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child concerned (considered in light of his age and understanding);
b) His physical, emotional and / or educational needs;
c) The likely effect on him of any change in his circumstances;
d) His age, [censored], background and any characteristics of his, which the court considers relevant;
e) Any harm which he has suffered or is at risk of suffering;
f) How capable each of his parents and any other person in relation to whom the court considers the question to be relevant, is of meeting his needs;
g) The range of powers available to the court under the Children Act 1989 in the proceedings in question.
It is important to note that contact is seen to be the right of the children and not the right of the parent.
Should you require any further legal advice please do not hesitate to contact us via our webchat facility which can be found at www.childrenslegalcentre.com and is available Monday to Friday 9am to 6pm.
Yours sincerely
CORAM CHILDREN’S LEGAL CENTRE
Thank you very much guys, im going to get on to the child mediation services now and see what happens from their! ill keep posting to let you guys know the outcome. thanks again for your help, much needed and appreciated in times of need. thank you
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