Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: We are not open to new posts at this time
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
What a day.....
I mailed my ex today and said I would be at the agreed handover point at 1545, should be 1530 but she keeps changing the time, I figured go along with it to minimise conflict.
I got a response at 1330 telling me that she was coming to our family home at 1530 to drop our children off and to collect belongings.
A few mails ensued where I explained that I did not wish this to be done in front of our children, was not convenient and impinged on our childrens time with me and suggested Friday morning.
She responded that regardless she would arrive with our children and gain entry.
When she arrived I said that it was not convenient and that I was taking the children out.
She stood in front of the car and would not let me leave the driveway so I called the Police and then took our children out of the car and into the house so they did not witness the goings on.
As I opened the door she pushed me out of the way and entered with her step father who kept telling me just give her what she wants.
I went into the garden and played with our children whilst they went through the house until she came out into the garden shouting at me in front of our children so I walked down the street with her still shouting.
I then went back and picked our children up and took them to our next door neighbour who bless him looked after them whilst I went back out.
She kept shouting at me and I asked them to leave and told them that they had distressed our children enough.
The Police show and take our details and she accuses me of hiding her clothes, not true as she had kept turning up whilst I was out and taking things, pictures of the wall and other things, until I changed the locks so I dont know what she has taken or when.
The Police leave and her step father says to them, sorry you had to get involved it was just convenient for us to do it now??
Im a little upset that I just didnt leave and not be here even if it meant she didnt let me have our children this evening as she really upset them.
What do you reckon? What could have been done differently or better?
Regards,
Dave
I feel for you Dave. Mine turned up with all her family and friends and a removal van took more or less everything - kettle, microwave, toaster, pictures, ornaments, anything of,the children's, lampshades etc lol
Luckily the children where at school
I think you did the best thing and did well to keep your cool.
Has she got everything now ? Perhaps get occupational order to prevent her repeating what she did ?
Ive just been thru the court process for access to my children cost me about £12k solicitors are not cheap !
Be careful though is it the family house ? I changed the locks on ours after she moved out which if don't think your meant todo and in theory she can move back with the children if she wanted
I have also changed the locks yet she keeps coming around and has alledged DV which doesnt add up......I appreciate your advice.
Regards,
Dave
Feel for you dude..
I’m in a similar situation. I have packed all my ex stuff into boxes and put them in the spare room for her to collect. She actually refusing to pick them up and I think she going to make a play to get back in the house. If she claiming DV, then she can’t move back into the house with you living there without undermining herself.. !
I would call the police and ask them advice on exactly how to handle the situation you’re in. If she shouting and making a scene then they can arrest her for public disorder, but as you'd expect they normally calm down when the police turn. In my case when I phoned the police they could hear her in the background, so when the police turned up they were pretty sympathetic. I haven’t changed the locks, but keep the key in the door. The officer told me to leave the key in the door and call 999 and they’ll come and arrest her if she turns up, so getting a clear picture of what’s going on to the police is critical.
If she accusing you of selling her stuff, she trying to rattle you mate, ignore her – it’s something she has to prove.
Again, make sure you are recording everything. Keep proof of identity and that you live in the address so if she ever turns up and changes the lock, you can do the same, but a locksmith will want some proof you live there.
Has she changed all her post to the new address? I made a point of this to the police officer and that went down well. Get all incidents logged with the police and solicitors, if you can show her being very combative and the aggressor, if she attempts to enter and move back into the house they should arrest her; if both of you living there and with her behaviour it just isn’t safe for the children.
Another important point here is make sure you flag the fact she has alternative accommodations for her and when the children visit her – for you (I’m guessing), this isn’t possible!
[quote\Another important point here is make sure you flag the fact she has alternative accommodations for her and when the children visit her – for you (I’m guessing), this isn’t possible!
Good point and true....
One point I will make about the inconsistency with claiming DV but wanting to move back in - unfortunately, some women (and men actually) will do just this, and also seem to move from one abusive relationship to another - it's completely illogical but it does happen, so I don't think this could be relied upon as an airtight argument. There are also plenty of cases where a woman, who is subject to abuse, may call the police but then refuse to press charges and continue to live in the same house and be subject to further abuse.
I do see you what you mean… and by no means does someone claiming DV and then wanting to move back in with that person, categorically say no DV took place. It does however shed doubt on her claims. The pattern of abuse you describe where victims try to protect the perpetrator, is usually when they still in a relationship, I would of thought.
With my ex, when the police turned up, she was far from timid or had any sense of fear about her. You would think if someone was genuinely scared of their wellbeing they wouldn't ever want to be close to that person. I'm pretty sure the police saw this and understood that trying to move back into the family home was a tactical ploy.
I agree - it would certainly weaken her argument, and might possibly move the burden of proof to her to prove your guilt rather than you having to prove your innocence - but thought it was worth pointing out.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
