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I'm a very worried dad concerned about the way my ex wife and her new husband is treating our teenage daughter. The other day she accidentally unplugged the Xbox at the wall so was grounded for a week, had all Xbox rights taken off her and was called a selfish bag. She didnt make her bed properly so had her bedding confiscated as punishment. Being grounded she is scared of having her mobile phone taken off her also. In the past she's had her bedroom taken off her for not keeping it tidy and now has to share with her younger sisters. The bedroom is now her mums master bedroom. She's not happy at home but are these punishments too severe? It just doesn't seem right.
Individually, none of those sound too severe, but together, it does look like it's building into a worrying pattern.
You certainly need to keep a diary of all events, in case it needs to be used in future.
Are you able to speak to your daughter without your ex hearing? If so, I would suggest that she seeks out the Pastoral care worker at her school - this will be totally confidential between the worker and your daughter, the only time the worker has to report is if he/she feels that there could be serious harm to your daughter, and even then the worker should talk it through with your daughter first. If your daughter doesn't want to find her for herself, ask her if she's happy for you to contact the school. The other advantage of this is that there is then an independant person who is looking after your daughter's best interests.
How old is your daughter? How old are the children she is sharing a bedroom with?
The one that I consider is not on, is removal of the bedding! I think actd has a brilliant idea, about approaching the school pastoral worker, nurse etc, the school as a duty to your daughter too.
I think these "punishments" could be classed as psychological abuse.
Have you thought about your daughter going to live with you? Perhaps you should try to talk to the mother about the way she is treating your daughter...Teenagers need discipline but in a calm and reasoned way, it seems to me though that she is being punished for things that don't warrant punishment!
You might like to try Mediation if you are unable to talk to the mother, at least then you can sit down with the mediator and try and get some acknowledgement and agreement on a change of attitude. As your daughter is a teenager it may be possible for her to be included in the mediation sessions. Here's a link -
www.nfm.org.uk
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
