I am taking my ex to court for 50/50 shared custody. She has refused 4 attempts at mediation claiming she will only attend if I pay for her.
Back story; have been having my teenage daughters 3 nights a week (well 4 one week 2 the next) for the past 18 months or so, prior to that I was having them 4 one week and 1 the next.
I have requested 50/50 but she refused claiming that she won't let me have the girls those extra two nights a month as the eldest 'has issues' with my wife/their step Mum. I have spoken to my eldest and she says this isn't true. Both girls following a discussion said they were happy to stay 50/50, the youngest even said I don't understand why we can't. They then went home to their mother, and she replied to my email request stating that the girls never said they wanted to stay 50/50 and that I was lying...
A month or so later, she opens a case with the CMS as she wanted more money from me. However, my tax return shows nil income as I am self employed and my business is making a loss. CMS idiots call her and tell her I have claimed to be unemployed (which I never did I merely uploaded my tax return). And now my girls won't talk to me as she has told them I am lying about not earning. I have no way of knowing if they are choosing not to talk to me and come round, or if their mother is telling them that they can't.
So court seems like the only option of getting my girls back. I can't event talk to them to explain what is happening and that I have never once lied about not working.
What are the chances do you think of me getting access through the courts?
Advice would be so very much appreciated as I am so scared of losing my children forever over an argument about money that my ex has put them in the middle of.
hi,
sorry to hear about your issues. how old are the kids? child contact and child maintenance are 2 totally separate issues, so I think it's unfair that your ex is linking those together and stopping you seeing the children. if she is not letting you see the kids, then you can apply to court for a child arrangement order. hope it goes well for you.
Apply for an urgent child arrangement application and an urgent hearing stating that contact is not taking place. In the application state the arrangements that you seek e.g 2-2-5-5, every other week during summer holidays and alternate half term.
You must only propose arrangements that are good for the children. This is particularly important as yours are teenagers which means that their views, in the ears of the court and Cafcass, have Hugh weighting.
I recommend collections after school to ensure contact and minimise conflict with your ex. Going forward, stick to written communication with your ex and don’t entertain petty arguments that can spiral into arguments that could be used against you.
@mrstrange thanks for your response which I've only just seen. have tried to collect from school but ex is there and they get in her car. eldest has sent me messages to say she misses me and has answered my calls though we haven't talked about why she isn't coming round, I'm just grateful to hear from her. Getting texts every day that is meant to be my contact day saying 'not coming to yours today' and when I ask why there is no response.
Ex lied and said CMS called her when the girls were there saying I was claiming to be unemployed, CMS have confirmed that's a lie, she called them and they never said i was claiming to be unemployed just that I was likely to get a nil assessment. She's pissed that she's shot herself in the foot by taking me to CMS, and she's punishing me for not making money in in my business yet by stopping the children from coming over. Though she claims it's the children's choice not to see me they are clearly being heavily influenced by their mother.
C100 form finally signed by mediator, time to fill it out and send off for a CAO (ex won't attend mediation unless I pay and she doesn't get legal aid as she's financially doing very well for herself)
Do I write a letter to the girls to tell them the truth or keep them out of it do you think? The eldest still wants to come to my sister in laws wedding in July so I hope to see her then.
Fathers day is an unknown 🙁
What to tell the kids is a delicate matter depending on their age. Just be careful about saying anything that could be interpreted as acrimonious by your ex.
Once you have CAO in place, you could apply for a non molestation application that will prohibit your ex from collecting the children from school when she's not designated to do so.
As mentioned previously, apply for an emergency hearing so that contact can be put in place by a judge. Other than that, remain calm and brace yourself for a several month long journey.
Don't forget to share and clarify your proposal on child arrangements as early as possible in the process.