Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
I am looking for a bit of advice. My ex and I split up over 3 years ago. She then moved in with a new bloke 300 miles away taking my two kids with her they are 5 and 4. things were not good between us and we ended up going to court and currently have a contact order in place meaning they come and stay with me for 8 weeks a year which I love my ex was never happy about it tho. The kids loved coming to stay until recently when they turned round to me and told me they didn't want to stay with me I am worried my ex has said something to turn them against me as she was never happy about me being in their lives. When I ring up she tells me they dont want to talk to me and then hangs up. I dont want to loose my kids is there anything I can do to keep being a part of their lives?
Dear SotonStallion,
Whilst this contact order is in place it is legally binding, your ex partner should be complying with it and making the children available for contact. The children are still very young so whilst they may have said that they do not wish to be seeing you for contact, this does not permit their mother to deviate from the contact arrangements the court order provides for. It is often the case that young children change their mind frequently, and are easily influenced by people around them, so it is required that parents uphold contact as this is felt to be in the children’s best interests.
You do not mention whether the court order provides for phone contact. If it does state that phone contact is to take place, then again this is legally binding and the mother should be complying with this requirement.
There are several options open to you to deal with this. Pointing out to your ex partner that contact is the right of the child, and that they should be seeing both parents may serve to remind her that as the children’s father you should be having a role in the children’s lives. You may also wish to point out that this contact order is legally binding and that failure to comply could result in the court imposing penalties on her.
If discussing the matter does not lead to contact being re-established it may be necessary to seek legal assistance. A family solicitor would be able to act for you in this matter; it may be that receiving a letter from a solicitor pointing out that there is a contact order in place which she is legally obliged to comply with, may encourage your ex partner to make the children available for contact.
Should the above steps not work the next stage would be to take the matter back to court for enforcement. You could do this either through a solicitor or by making the application yourself. It would be worth checking to see whether there is a penal notice attached to the contact order (this will be stated on the order itself). If there is, and you decide to make the court application yourself the form you will need is the C79 which can be found at www.hmcs-service.gov.uk . You can download this form and then submit it to the family proceedings court. If there is no penal notice, then you will need to apply for this to be attached to the contact order, this can be done by submitting form C78 to the court. Then, once the notice has been attached, the next time your ex partner breaches the contact order you will be able to apply for enforcement. Enforcement can result in a fine or community employment, or potentially more severe penalties in extreme cases, being imposed on your ex partner
Contact is considered to be the right of the child and contact with both parents is felt to be in the interests of the child. It is not sufficient for your ex partner to be preventing contact solely on the basis that children aged 5 and 4 have said that they do not want to go to contact. The only reason contact is not to take place is where contact would place the children in some danger. There would need to be evidence of this and this decision should be made through the court, social services or the police.
We hope the above information has been of use to you. If you have further questions please call our child law advice line 0808 8020 008.
Kind regards
The Children’s Legal Centre
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.