Morning everyone,
Another post from me on this fantastic forum, I hope it's in the right place!
So I have 2 girls (13 and 11) with my ex wife. The girls live with her in our old home in the UK and I live now in Sweden with a new partner.
I left my ex after years of emotional, sometimes physical and often psychological abuse...she is truly a terrible person with serious anger issues and a huge dose of narcissism, a wonderful combination.
My 13 year old is like a clone of me, emotional, asocial, thoughtful and the plan has been for several years (I left in 2017 and moved to Sweden in 2019) for her to come live with us in Sweden when she is 16 and can decide where she wants to be. The reason for waiting is that trying anything before that would lead to court and a lot of abuse and I openly admit I will always be afraid of my ex, she is so unpredictable and HATES me for daring to leave her.
My daughter has been saying for maybe a year now that my ex is abusive to her, mostly emotional and psychological (due to the anger issues), but occasionally it's physical...a shove, or a slap or a thrown object.
Today my daughter has said that she really has had enough and I decided I shouldn't be afraid of what might be involved to do something about it and maybe get my daughter here with me sooner.
I suggested she speak to her counsellor at school and ask for some advice, as I have no clue how to go about helping her. I just remember the legal bills and the court battles just to work out child maintenance and it scares me that if I do anything, that is the way it will end up again and I've barely gotten over the last 'round'.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to approach this situation and where it might lead?
That must be very worrying for you. I think your advice to your daughter was spot on. If the school are concerned they should make a child protection referral to social services. They will investigate. If you were in the UK then they might decide its best for the girls to live with you. I'm nut sure how they would view the situation with you living abroad. Do you daughters come over to you for holidays? What would happen if they refused to go home?
@champagne thankyou for the reply.
I don't see my girls as often as I should, I see them maybe 4 or 5 times a year because I hate flying/travel. The girls have been to Sweden once (last summer for 4 weeks), we have 1 spare bedroom and an open space that doubles as a bedroom upstairs too (we'd convert this properly if my daughter moved here). The girls have also met my partner a few times and they both speak to her regularly on WhatsApp, she loves them both very much (she has no children of her own).
There is no other family in the UK close if the girls refused to go home at any point, so they would probably stay with friends?
I would gladly have my daughter here with us and she asks me weekly when can she come and live with me which is wonderful of her.
My youngest daughter is very much like my ex, so I don't think the abuse happens the same way there which might sound very strange. I do think my ex both occasionally hits and swears at my youngest, but my youngest has never said anything to me about it and it seems to be directed more at my eldest.
I was thinking more if they came to stay with you and refused to go home?
@champagne that is a very good question.
I would have to tell my ex of the situation and she would no doubt tell me to put them on the plane (I'd have to fly with them), I don't know how that would play out.
I am more thinking if someone got involved in the UK and I was then involved and the option would be there for my daughter(s) to move to Sweden but it's not so simple as if I were in the UK, new schools, applying for residency and so on.