Hi there,
Similar post to the previous one this, but I didn't want to hijack the thread. I feel so bad for @patty1988 right now...
I have a young son (almost four) and my wife has recently left me (2 months ago), taking him away with her to live at her parents house. I still live in our family home although it is rather bare now since she has taken so much stuff. We had been married for only two years and two months and I still love her to bits which for me makes the whole thing harder.
She lives locally and lets me pick him up once a week before nursery school to take him to breakfast club, once a week after school for an hour or so as well as having him one day on a weekend. I don't get to have him stay over at all and she will not even let me take him home to the house as she says it will upset him which to some extent I agree with.
Before leaving she had a solicitor send me a letter explaining she wished to enter into a deed of separation but this didn't mention her actually leaving home at all.
I don't really understand why she has left me except that she doesn't love me anymore. But I feel like she has near enough kidnapped my son from me (I know kidnapped is the wrong word), and legally I have no idea where I stand on that issue. Seeing him for only ten hours a week is just unbearable especially when I don't ever get to do baths, read him books and put him to bed at night.
I'm doing my best to sell the family home and move somewhere else so that she may let me have him overnight regularly but right now I feel like it is going to be so long before I get to see my little boy again properly and I'm missing out on so much good quality time with him at a really important age in his life.
Where on earth do I stand - has she any right to do this??
Hi gramps and welcome on here
I would say that at the stage you are at, and with reasonable communication between you, it would be worth looking at mediation to see if there's any way you can come to some agreement for increased contact. You could have a word with the Children's legal centre to see what they recommend if mediation doesn't work, but I'd keep this quiet for the moment to give mediation a chance.
Hi gramps,
As you have stated increasing contact is your primary concern. The best thing to do would be to try and open up dialogue between you and your ex. Some approaches are more successful than others. At nearing 4 in my opinion (and its shared among others here and in higher offices) is a more than sufficient age for overnight contact to be happening with the other parent.
Some idea's to consider are having your ex agree to increasing contact for you to have him every Saturday day and after a few weeks. This is increased, and then at around about the 8wk mark it should be conceivable that overnight contact should be starting to happen.
In terms of your son getting upset. The key thing to remember here is educating and helping your son understand the situation in a way that he can understand the situation. This is so important for children to learn when parents separate, and you as a parent will need to learn this and learn to teach your children.
In my experience and in the advice i have given historically is that if agreements begin to stall, or hostilities flare, the time given to come to an agreement should be within a matter of a month. This provided no welfare/safeguarding issues. On from this, i would strongly encourage mediation (if affordable) as if (hopefully it won't) Court proceedings commence down the line. Mediation will have already been attempted.
In terms of her right to do this. The simple answer is no, however challenging her standpoint is the difficult part. Sometimes that is where courts come in.
Solicitors:
The Deed of Separation requires either a very good understanding of the statements enclosed (which i assume there are). Believe me, Solicitors can be very careful with their wording and it could result in some consequences further down the line. I would seek legal advice before completing/signing any Deed of Separation.
Sorry to hear the situation. Its never nice, however you are among friends here 🙂
Thanks for both your replies - to the point and very helpful.
I think you're both right that mediation will be the key to increasing the contact. I've followed quite a few web links in order to work out if I can get financial aid for mediation but I'm having trouble getting any real answers.
I think I'm going to try and get some free legal advice at a pop in legal clinic about how to approach starting mediation. I'll ask my wife verbally first but I'm fairly sure she will turn that down.
My wife has said that once I've sold the family home and moved somewhere else I'll be able to have my son overnight but it's nothing more than talk at this stage. I also feel she is being a little unrealistic about the price she wants to sell our house for (although neither of us want to be saddled with a debt to it) so I feel like it could take forever before that happens. Right now every day that slips past is another one where I've missed my son.
Thanks again.
