[Solved] Where do I stand???

all i know is that in the UK your only obligation is to your daughter......i.e. maintenance payments. anything else you pay out for is up to you and not taken in to consideration.

i would say that anything that is directly for your daughter....school trips, clothing, new stuff that she wants is all at your descrection and if you can afford it then great for your daughter.
if things are tight then my honest opinion is....why shouldn't you and your ex both go halves? 50/50 or 70/30 whatever works?

My own thinking is that you both have an obligation to provide for your daughter...not just one parent...both of you created her life and both of you should be enhancing her life where you can.

if i had the money i'd be doing all i could for my son despite how his mother has treated me this last 3-4yrs......if i had just £20 left for my own petrol or food etc... and he needed it for a school trip or some new shoes....i wouldn't hesitate to give it him.

when i originally split from her i was paying the mortgage, 1/2 the bills etc... and maintenance, clothing for my son etc... etc... but the way my ex has behaved over the last 3yrs i now pay only what i have to.....15% of my wages!
i still buy clothing, shoes etc... for him but they will be for when he is with me.

You certainly have no obligation to provide her with a car at all - I think that is above and beyond.

The maintenance you pay covers all expenses, and that includes education (though if there's any boarding, then the boarding element will reduce the amount you are obliged to pay). The issue with education is that if you refuse to pay, what will your ex do, and what can she legally do with regards to providing an education?

My worry is that as you all live in Dubai theres no welfare structure, so if you were to stop paying for her education, reduce the maintenance payments and remove the car she might well have to return to the UK....How would you feel about the possibility of that happening? As actd says, you shouldnt have to pay all these extras but what is the alternative? If they lived in the UK then it would be different, education medical treatment is free here.

Ah, good point about the car

...Its a dilemma...I think if you stopped all the extras she would be forced to leave and she would no doubt take your daughter with her.

Cheers for all your comments guys, appreciated.
To add a little more information, which I probably should have done to begin with, but new to this, so forgive me.
Our daughter spends a week at her Mums and a week at mine, so custody is 50/50, in fact it actually leans more to our daughter being with me more.
In answer to the education dilemma, I will not stop paying for her education, that is for sure. As was said by dad-i-d I to would spend on last AED100 (20 quid) on my daughter and I have already told my daughter that until she finishes education, that is my top priority. Also, my daughter is currently in education here in Dubai, but has asked to return to the UK to go to boarding school there (developing her Independence!!!). Yes this may sound like I have a bag of money, but not the case. She has already stated that she will be coming back to Dubai for just about all of the holidays, as she has all her friends here. I am sure that will change somewhat when she gets there, due to new friends etc, but it also means she will not be living with either her Mother or me for a large amount of the year, so I take it I do not have to pay CM during the time she is away?
Can I deduct the cost of the schooling and boarding from my monthly net salary before I enter it into the CM Options calculator?

The reasoning on taking the car back is down to the fact that I am paying for the car, the insurance etc, but she cant even return things like my laptop and ipod, so I have just got to the point where I am saying, enough is enough. Saying that, I know she needs the car to run our daughter about, but again, there has been a number of time when my daughter has called me when with her mother to ask me to pick her up and drop her off, cause he Mum has refused as she has other plans.

They argue continually when she is at her Mums and she hates it when she has to go back there, but she goes cause she obviously doesn't want to not have her Mum here, but that will change once she goes to school in the UK.

feel free to ask me any questions about any of this and i am open to all comments, good or bad!!! Cheers again.

Theres a sticky at the top of the Legal Eagle section called "How does the CSA calculate payments". It opens a link to a CSA leaflet which I seem to remember mentions boarding school...but dont quote me on that!

If you are resident in Dubai and are employed by a company thats not UK based then in fact you wont be liable for any maintenance, except what Dubai law says you should pay....I imagine though that fathers will have all the rights there as its a Muslim country.

I think if you wanted your daughter full time and she wants that too then it would be relatively easy to achieve, as you already have shared parenting. If you had your daughter full time you could then take the car back and stop all payments. It would be your ex that should then pay you maintenance.

If you sent your daughter to school in the UK and your ex returned to the UK because she could no longer afford to stay in Dubai. She could go to court and get Residency of your daughter here in the UK, she would be entitled to all of the child benefit and tax credits and she probably knows that you would continue to pay for the boarding school. If your company is UK based she could also claim maintenance from you through the courts.

At the end of the day its whats best for your daughter and I know that you feel that way too. 🙂