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New member pulling his hair out!
Sorry for the life story here:
Me and my ex split about a year ago, she managed with the help of her mother to re mortgage our house and I finally moved out of the house in February moving back with my parents then in March I bought myself a new home ¼ of a mile down the road from the old one where my kids live. To buy the house I had to borrow money to refinance 2 loans and for the deposit for the house. We had agreed visitation and all was working well, I was paying her a monthly figure based on the CSA calculator slightly reduced for the first few months as I had to set up a new home from scratch as I’d let her keep everything in the house. I saw the kids Thursday afternoon at her house (I did an early start at work to be able to get to them for 4pm) and my ex worked till 8pm and then had the kids over the weekend (picking up Saturday at 9am and dropping back Monday morning)
Then things changed, the house I bought needed a lot of work so I have only just finished renovating and getting it ready and building everything for the kids room (kids are 3 and 2 by the way!) I told the ex I was ready to have the kids stay at mine on Thursday nights but she said no and now she has started saying that I can’t have them every weekend and I can’t see them or have them stay at mine during the week. A while ago I found 3 solicitors letters on the laptop she uses (its my laptop that I left and they where on the desktop! I wasn’t snooping) all had me seeing the kids different amounts of days and times but the child support amount always stayed the same, so I think we can safely say this is about money and the fact she is starting to struggle financially. Found out today that she has just gone to the CSA and she is adamant that I’m not having the kids more than 2 nights a week which funnily enough takes the child support to the amount she wants. I can’t believe she is blocking access during the week, part of the reason for me moving so close was so I could see the kids during the week and be near to nursery and school. My family and friends live about 40miles and I work 35miles away but now it seems like it was a waste of time moving near the kids if I can’t even see them. She works part time so she see’s the kids loads more than me, I said I’d like to see the kids:
Tuesday from 6pm then dropping little one back with her and eldest to nursery in the morning
Thursday from 4pm then dropping little one back with her and eldest to nursery in the morning
Then alternate nights on the weekend
Or
Thursday from 4pm then dropping little one back with her and eldest to nursery in the morning
Saturday 9am till Monday dropping little one back with her and eldest to nursery in the morning
But on either Saturday or Sunday each week we did an joint activity with both kids for a few hours as this seems good for the kids.
But of course she said no.
So it looks like the only thing to do now is involve solicitors, just a bit worried that I’m going to spend a lot of money I don’t really have and then end up seeing the kids 1 weekend in 2! Anyone been through something similar? Any advice? Am I being unreasonable?!
Cheers
Dave
Hi Crooky
Sorry that your question slipped through the net 😳
I have asked our legal experts to log on and give you some free advice.
Welcome to Dadtalk and again sorry we missed your thread.
Dear Dave,
Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre, we apologise for the delay in responding to your query.
At present your ex partner is considered the resident parent of the children, because they are living with her. As your children are so young, the resident parent is able to control all contact that they have with others, including yourself, as contact is the child’s right, not the parents and they are not able to exercise this right themselves for many years yet.
When attempting to arrange contact, it is always best to firstly attempt to negotiate this with the resident parent, using mediation if necessary. The contact number for National Family Mediation is 01392 271610.
If you are not able to agree contact between yourselves, then you do have the option of making an application to the court for a contact order.
A contact order is a legally binding order that states the days and times that you are to see your children. You are able to apply for this yourself or using a solicitor, whichever you prefer.
You will get the chance to explain to the court the contact that you believe is appropriate and they will also hear any views the mother may have on this. The court will consider the schedules of yourself, the mother and the children and will then put into place contact that they believe is appropriate.
It is not possible to say what this contact will be as it can vary from case to case.
It is common that contact is every other weekend, as opposed to every weekend or one day of every weekend, as this allows the resident parent to also have quality time with the children and to do things with them when they are not at school.
The contact that you are requesting does not seem unreasonable, but may seem rather a lot, and you may wish to consider applying for joint residence as well as contact if you want contact this often.
This would mean that the children are considered as living with both parents but the days they live with each would be set by the court. However you are not required to do this, you can apply for either contact or residence and the court would still consider the times and days you are asking for and whether these are appropriate in your case.
We hope this information is useful to you, should you require further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre
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