As 1626 says, Legal Aid is still available for Parties involved in a family law case, if they have been a victim of domestic violence...the non mol would qualify your wife to apply for funding to pay for her solicitor.
It must be very difficult for you, but you must try really hard not to contact your wife directly....it's just giving her fuel for the fire. Are you able to contact her parents to request a telephone call from your daughter, that would be better.
An email would be ok , if you don't want to write a letter.
not sure what to do
Dear MikeD79
As you are married to your wife you have Parental Responsibility for your daughter. This will not change if you do separate or go on to divorce.
Parental Responsibility is defined in s.3(1) Children Act 1989 as being: "all the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authority which by law a parent of a child has in relation to the child and his property".
Practically Parental Responsibility means that both parties should consult and consent on issues such as schooling, medical issues, change of name, removal from the jurisdiction and other major issues concerning the child.
In terms of contact with your daughter, unless there is already a court order in place allowing you contact with your daughter there will be no automatic legal obligation on the mother to allow you to see your child. However, contact should only be prevented if there is a welfare risk to your daughter. The Courts like to see that both parties have acted reasonable in terms of contact.
In order to establish contact you will first need to attempt to go through mediation with the mother to come to an agreement on contact moving forward. This is a process involving you, the mother and a trained professional third party mediator coming together to try and resolve the issue without the need to go to court. Under new legislation mediation is mandatory and you will need to attempt this before going to court. For more information on mediation and for help organising this you can contact National Family Mediation on 03004000636. They will also be able to give you an opinion on if mediation is suitable given the allegations that have been made. It may well be that they do not think that mediation is suitable and will complete a form to say as such, or, they may suggest shuttle mediation which involves the mediator going between different rooms where you and the mother will be to help you both come to a solution.
If mediation does not work and you are still unhappy with the contact the mother is willing to allow your next option would be to apply for contact under a Child Arrangements Order. This would be done using a C100 form; this form is available from your local County Court or online at www.justice.gov.uk. Guidance leaflets CB1 and CB3 will assist you in completing this form and are available from the same sources. There is a charge of £215 for making this application, however if you are on a low income or benefits you may be eligible for a full or partial fee exemption, you can get more information on this through the fee exemption form and guidance EX160A, available from the same sources as above.
In deciding whether or not to grant such an order the court will base their decision on what they feel is in the best interests of your son’s welfare, in order to do this they will go through the welfare checklist:
• Childs physical, emotional and educational needs.
• Effect of any change on the child.
• The age, [censored] and background of the child.
• Any harm which the child has suffered or may suffer.
• How capable each parent is of meeting the Childs needs.
It is also worth noting that the courts do see contact as the right of the child and will normally look to enable regular contact between a child and both parents unless there were strong welfare reasons to restrict contact.
In terms of the non-molestation order that is currently in place we would strongly advise you not to contact the mother as this could be seen as a breach of the order. We would advise that you make all communication via the mother’s solicitor including any initial requests for contact.
When you attend the hearing for the non-molestation order you will need to decide whether you wish to contest or allow the non molestation order to continue. The Judge has the options to :
1) Continue the Orders that have been made and set a timescale for the Orders to be terminated.
2) Discharge the Orders
3) Continue the Orders until a further hearing but request more evidence or further statements
4) Accept an undertaking from the Respondent in place of the Order
5)The Court may think it appropriate for cross undertakings to be made for both parties
You may want to consider offering the Court an undertaking in replace of the non-molestation order. An undertaking is where you make a promise to the court (usually in the same terms of the order) and can still be enforced like an order however it does mean that an Order has not been made against you.
If you require any further advice please do not hesitate to contact us. Our advice line phone service on 08088020008 is available Mon-Fri between 8:00-20:00.
Yours sincerely
CORAM CHILDREN’S LEGAL CENTRE
A breakdown of my wife's allegations:
- I have physically assaulted her several times since we have been married. She has handed in photos of herself dating back to 2012 of various bruises and nose bleeds
- that I threatened to find her and kill her if she attempted to run off with the child
I deny both. However we did argue loads and after she told me she'll leave I told her that if she did leave I will find her and take my daughter back.
I scared her into doing what she did. I gave her no choice but to cook up some lies to make sure I don't come near her and try to convince her to come back and take our daughter.
I can't bring myself to accept the non molestation charge. It's OTT to what actually happened but I guess in her head it amounts to the same thing. I guess the courts will say the same.
This is why I fear I might have to accept it.
First and foremost I'd take a step back and let the dust settle for a while things will be raw from the split up, people do and say crazy things off the cuff when the relationship ends and thats good for no one, you can't really do anything about the non mol but you will be wise by not making things worse for yourself by contacting the ex in anyway as the police will lock you up at the drop of a hat and it will make it more difficult when and if it comes to court.
Your first step is mediation and as NJ said you can be in separate rooms so thats no issue, have a think about what contact with your child you would be happy with taking inconsideration her routines ect, write it down as a proposal for the mediator to put to the ex so you can gauge if there's any agreement between you both.
At the end of the day you WILL get to be part of your childs life you're just going to have to jump through a few hoops and tick all the boxes be whiter than white in your actions, Your ex has indicated that she wants you to go through court and you probably will, Court does take time so do your research be prepared and you'll be fine 🙂
As for the allegations just tell the truth in court, all couples argue and say stupid things and the courts will have seen this a million times over so unless you've got a criminal record as long as your arm for DV then you'll be ok.
The courts will be more interested in wether you are a threat to your daughter as her well being is more important than mum and dads for sure so make everything you do and say is completely child focused.
My ex came out with all sorts of allegations all unfounded in court throughout my case and it took me ages to prove myself the courts cafcass, mediators all don't know you from adam so they are all extremely cautious at first but they did mellow after a while like I said try not to make things worse for yourself in the mean time 🙂
If I challenge my wifes claims and get found guilty, could I end up with a criminal record or worse go to jail for purgery?
What's the worst case scenario at the non molestation hearing. Have there been cases of jail sentences or judges recommending that the case gets moved into a criminal hearing since the allegations are so harsh. My wife has is claiming that I'll literally kill her if I come in contact with her. Stressing out.
The order will either be upheld or not, or something in between. Read the post from CCLC where they address what options the judge has, there's no point second guessing but I guess worse case scenario is the non mol order stands.
Give CCLC a call, they have included their freephone number at the end of their post and they will answer your questions and hopefully put your mind at rest as far as jail is concerned.
Thanks I'll call them.
So a possible jail sentence or case being moved into a criminal investigation can't be ruled out :/
A Non mol is dealt with in a civil court, but comes with power of arrest which can result in a custodial sentence ....a criminal charge would only come about if you breached the order.
You won't go to jail.
Chill out 🙂
Due to a higher than usual volume org questions and worry about this subject I have posted a thread in the Legal Eagle section explaining what a non mol is and what the consequences might be. Hope it helps.
Thanks. The ex has really gone to town with her claims just to get the order in place. I fear the judge will be so shocked he or she could recommend the CPS being involved, even if my wife doesn't want it. Then again that might scare the wife into telling the truth but it's my word against hers.