[Solved] Would appreciate advice on a small matter

Hi there Chris 🙂

All issues concerning children and their well being are important and your ex has left you with a real problem. Why on earth didnt she discuss this with you in time for something to be sorted out!.

You could call her bluff and contact her and say that if she doesnt come and pick the children up at the agreed time that you will keep them permanently and apply for Residency. This would mean that she will lose all of the child benefits and will have to pay you child support. Perhaps you should remind her that if she doesnt stick to the agreement then in effect she is abandoning them which is a criminal offence (I think!)

I'm not sure how legally binding an agreement made by a solicitor is concerning child contact, without it being written into a Contact Order and rubberstamped at court. It might be advisable to find that out. You can ask the Citizens Advice Bureau ot perhaps make an appointment to see another solicitor, alot of them give a free half an hour consultation which is all you would need to get clarification. She would also have had a solicitor I assume, so perhaps you could write to her solicitor and tell them she is in breach of the agreement and ask that she be made aware that she cant just abandon the children without notice or discussion. Of course this wont help you right now will it...she hasnt left you enough time to do anything.

Again, you mention Mediation and I think this would be a good idea, it wont solve your immediate problem but it might help to set some boundries in the future. If you can both reach an agreement at mediation this could then be written into a Consent Order that could be validated in court.

Best of luck 🙂

....Having had a quick look at abandonment laws in the UK, as she's leaving them with you the other parent, then its not strictly speaking abandonment....but she doesnt know that! It is tantamount to abandonment in my opinion, at the very least it shows a complete lack of responsibility as a parent.

Thank you for the reply. In regards to writing to her solicitor, I tried that once about another matter and was told by them I had no right to contact them directly and should do so only through my own solicitor. Which was quite annoying, especially how their letter about contact was so patronising.

I think the issue is resolved, I contacted me ex's mother. I informed her of the situation, and despite the fact she was defensive, naturally, she agreed to pick the children up at 8am tomorrow.. She told me her daughter was drunk and therefore couldn't pick them up herself tonight, which means this was all pre meditated.. If she had only called and asked me to have them until tomorrow morning it wouldn't have been an issue.

I told my ex I will no longer have my children until there is a signed document with set times that she cannot break, because I can not afford to live with such threats any longer. I took the kids to a BBQ and we had a great night tonight, but these threats are too much. I'll try and sort the situation ASAP.

She didn't like it when I said she was negligent as a parent btw, thanks for that..

Hi Chis

iIs unfortunate that you said you won't have the chldren any more until there is a signed agreement in place that she cannot break, this means a Court Order!

If you can continue with contact as it is at the moment, is better for you and the children.okay, things do crop up, emergencies, a bit of fun etc, but if it starts to happen on a regular basis, yes you should apply for Residence.

An agreement made with a solicitor, between clients and solicitors etc...is not binding.

go to mediation most definitely.

I agree with EnyaM Chris...its not advisable to stop contact with your children, most importantly your children need you in their lives, its not their fault that your ex is playing games but they will be the ones to suffer if you stop seeing them.

Rise above it and be the better person! 😉

Thanks for the replies.

She collected the kids herself this morning. Screaming outside, throwing things out of the car, insulting and such. All because I can't take random days off work.

I didn't mention it previously but I had other issues with her. I had to ban her from my house completely because she would bring the kids in and refuse to leave. Literally sit on the sofa and refuse to leave, telling me if I touched her she'd call the Police. Other times she stands outside screaming and insulting.

As I said I've tolerated it, but she's becoming increasingly sinister and I just have the imagine what she's going to come up with next week.

If she is still represented by solicitors, I would writ to them, explain her behaviour, that it takes place in front of the children which is not in their best interests! Go on to say that if that behaviour continues, you now have no option but to call the police.! The fact that you have asked her to leave your property is trespass...the fact that she rants and raves outside your property, is a breach of peace. You can call the police.

Above all it is very bad that all this behaviour takes place in front of the children, and regularly, she must have mental health problems, drugs or alcohol!

...I think EnyaMs suggestion to write to her solicitors is a good one...I know you said they told you only to communicate with them via your own solicitor, my sons exs solicitor came off with that one, but he informed them that he was self representing as was his right, and that they should therefore direct all communication to him.

yes that's right NannyJ, so Chris, write them a very formal letter, include the fact that you are representing yourself and then continue with their client's behaviour and that she should stop, or what you intend to do if it dos not.

Thank you I will try it.

In regards to Mental Health, I get mixed messages from her. She suffered from Post natal anxiety, which was quite bad. She couldn't touch our son until he was 4 months old, so I was full time carer for him then. When we separated she did randomly call me crying saying she could not bare to touch him and I'd have to drive down at silly times (as late as 1am once) to feed him..

She had ten appointments with a Psychologist or psychiatrist, I am not sure which one, but this was back in 2010. Initially she told me she had stopped her medication of her own free will because she would become so tired she would fall asleep randomly and she was worried about our children. Since then she told me she was told she had no reason for taking them any more and had been taken off her medication by the Doctor.

She is such a compulsive liar I am not sure which to believe. I will write to her Solicitor and see what they say, but as I say last time they wrote back telling me I had to contact them through a Solicitor. I wrote and told them their 'facts' weren't facts at all and I was willing to meet them and mediate. As I said they refused and really didn't take me seriously.

The solicitors will be wrong in telling you to consult a solicitor and you don't have to.

I am sorry to her about her past mental health issues but to be quite honest it sounds as though they are still continuing! If you are on medication, you should not "just come off it", you should come off them slowly, and if her behaviour continues in this way, I think you can pretty much guarantee that she still has mental health issues.

I would also suggest mediation and if you agree on that you can put that in the letter to her solicitors. The Solicitors wont mediate with you, but she should

If you want me to read the letter you can pm it to me if you want.

I've been having a look round for a solicitors code of conduct that you could reference in your letter. There is a something called the Solicitors Regulation Authority Handbook (SRA for short!). Chapter 11 of the SRA Code of Conduct 2011, Relations with third parties, has relevance to your situation.

Heres a link to the Law Societys advice about Litigants in Person, or people that self represent -

www.lawsociety.org.uk/advice/practice-notes/litigants-in-person/

In particular I draw your attention to 3. Your approach and the SRA Code, which talks about clauses IB 11.7 and IB 11.9 and how solicitors should treat self representers.

Cool digging NJ! 🙂

Why thank you EnyaM!... You got to think outside of the box sometimes...I just dont like these jumped up, self opinionated solicitor types thinking they're better than the man on the street....some solicitors are so far up their own arses they have to stick a toothbrush up there to clean their teeth! 👿